


Stray Thread

by AraneaNemesis



Series: Stories We Invent – The Fourth Weaver's Tale [4]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comfort (a little), Dubious Ethics, F/M, Free Verse, Lies, Loki Does What He Wants, Love (of some sort), Manipulation, Mythology - Freeform, Norse Myths & Legends, POV First Person, Revenge, Sarcasm, Superpowers, Torture, this actually has less and less to do with canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 01:23:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 51,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AraneaNemesis/pseuds/AraneaNemesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Becoming an asgardian and helping the god of mischief get his revenge on Earth sounds like an impressive improvement for a mortal, doesn't it?<br/>Anyone would agree.<br/>But try holding on to that thought when an entire world is trying to suppress you.</p><p>In which Loki gets... worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bruises

**Author's Note:**

> Longer sequel to "Is This For Real", darker and with more explicit violence than the first story. Torture around the last chapters. I willingly ignore anything happening in Thor TDW, mostly because I had started writing this before the first trailer was even out, and also because, well, as the title makes clear, this is a "stray thread," a different story for all those characters.  
> [June 2015] I have finally finished writing this, so I'll update a few chapters a day until the end! Sorry for the delay
> 
> As always, I only own my OC, of course.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

 

 

Ow. That hurt. And I had believed I was done with pain.

 

***

I scramble back to my feet, catching my breath and blinking the little dots of light away from my eyes. It’s as if a knife burrows in my lungs every time I breathe out, and I hope that last shock hasn’t broken a bone or something. Brilliant. The pain makes me slow and I can’t dodge the blows coming from everywhere. When I stumble and find myself on the floor again, I curse under my breath and decide to stay there. I’m getting my ass kicked, and I asked for it. I roll into a ball, covering my face, and wait. Nothing comes.

“Is that meant to stand for fighting, Eileen?” Loki’s voice reaches my ears.

I take a peek from behind my arm to see him towering over me, an irritated frown on his face. I uncurl slowly and get up; the pain in my side is not that bad, after all. I stretch, look at the bruises on my arms, and grin tentatively. “A strategy. Make my attacker think I’m hurt, or even dead, and then wait for him to look closer and hit him back.” That’s probably the worst lie I’ve ever told him. My shoulders shrug on their own at the very weakness of my explanation.

Loki shakes his head. “That will not be of any use here, and even less on a battlefield. If you’re a warrior, you can’t pretend to be weak.”

I laugh a little. “Why not?” He frowns harder at me, and that’s it, I’ve had enough of his serious tone. “Oh please, Loki, give me a break. Laughing about it is the best I can do, look at the state I’m in!” I open my arms, vaguely waving them around, exposing the cuts and blue patches on my skin.

Malice flickers in his pupils but he masters it immediately. “That is your own doing. You’re always trying to hide behind your arms instead of fighting back. But if you’re too tired to continue training today, I will allow you to rest.” He whirls around.

I clench my teeth at the involuntary and pretentious ripple of cloak before concentrating to gauge the strength I still have left inside me. Sense would have me shrug his taunt away, call it a day and go get rest before tonight’s feast. I _am_ too tired to continue. And yet, can I let him believe I’m still too weak to fight him back properly?

So I pick up the heavy spear he’s discarded and steal towards him. I know he’s heard me, I’m not silent enough yet to go undetected, but I’m quite sure he has no idea I plan on attacking him. “Hey, Loki!” I call out just before sending the metal bar right into his back. He doubles over with a grunt then falls on his knees. I anchor my feet in the ground just behind him and place the spear under his chin, forcing his head backwards so he has to look at me. “Never turn your back to the enemy,” I whisper.

He grins. “I’m pleased to see you remember the first thing I taught you.” Then he gives a quick shove to the spear, throwing me off balance. By the time I’m steady again he’s back on his feet, stable as ever, and he’s discarding the weapon. I get even angrier as I understand he thinks he won’t need it. I get ready to spring but he’s too close already. I dodge one, two blows, block another one. My metal vambraces scrape against his with a shrieking sound that makes my teeth hurt. “I didn’t dream you listened so carefully to what I have to say,” he adds.

I laugh insanely and glimpse three figures walking out of the room. The others who were training until then have decided to flee the place. They’re aware that once we get going neither of us knows when to stop. I try to stay focused. The last time I went at him like that, he confused me with a decoy and struck me behind the knees, making me fall. But today I know what to expect and I pretend to be lured by the fake Loki in front of me just long enough for him to believe it worked, then I spin swiftly and he misses me. He seems surprised for a split second. And then he picks two spears up and tosses one at me. “Fight me!” he yells. “Don’t curb your strength!” He seems expectant of what I can do.

 _Well…_ “I’m not,” I shout back. This isn’t true, but he’ll see for himself. The metal bars crash on one another for several minutes, until I have enough and send my spear to the floor. Loki freezes in surprise. “You try not holding back!” I say, jerking my chin up. He shakes his head and attacks again, and with my bare arms I manage to stop it despite the violence of the blows. I strike harder and harder, and soon I think I see him actually having to take a few steps backwards. I laugh like a madwoman again, a strange euphoria invading my bones. I’m trying to beat the hell out of my lover. Great. He’s still resisting, though, and starts sending small blades, forcing me to concentrate on dodging them. I somehow manage to do that while not getting hit by the spear, accelerating every move.

It’s starting to get on his nerves, I can tell it. And all of a sudden he decides enough is enough, his face hardens and that’s when he really stops holding back. He’s quicker, more accurate, every blow deadly. I like it. Not the pain when the blows brush my limbs, I’m not that crazy yet, but I like that he’s irritated enough to overlook his own rule of never letting your adversary gain control over the pace and intensity of the fight.

Ok, so he’s winning now, I’m not good enough yet, even when I let everything out. I can’t just let him defeat me like that, I have to do something. So I pull the cheekiest, most undignified move ever; I open my eyes wide, suddenly motionless. I even part my lips in surprise.

It all happens under a second. I think he’s too caught in the fight to realize in time I’m not going to dodge. I glimpse the ‘What?’ in his pupils but he can’t hold back the movement he’s started, only managing to skew it a little so it doesn’t crack my head open, and instead of smashing my temple the spear hits just under my chin.

The mere force of the blow sends me straight to the floor. I fall heavily on my right shoulder and slide like a ragdoll tossed away by an angry child. “Eileen!” I hear him shout far, far away. My head is throbbing. Ow. Ow, ow, ow. What was I thinking? I stay absolutely still for a few seconds, circling the pain inside tight control. Loki’s hurried footsteps reverberate throughout my entire body as he draws nearer and I gather enough strength to hoist myself on an elbow and hold out a hand towards him. “Pause,” I groan.

“No, that fight is over!” I let relief pour inside me and allow myself to slump back to the cold flooring with an extremely loud and unladylike grunt. I’m not sure whether I should be contended or vexed that he stopped the round. The last time I fell like that without the fight being called off I… I can’t remember exactly what happened, because I was fighting Thor and he hadn’t quite noticed I was actually slumped on the floor because of an injury.

I know that Loki is standing next to me and I roll on my back to look at him. But my head is spinning and I don’t dare open my eyes immediately. I have blood inside my mouth and more of it is leaving a sticky trail down my chin. I grope for Loki’s leg and pull myself up, keeping my eyes tightly shut. I touch my chin; sharp pain, then subdued pain, then a shard of white inside my skull. Wonderful, truly wonderful. Still clinging to the fabric I open my eyelids, taking slow, deep breaths to calm the pain induced nausea, and I find I’m not that dizzy. I keep my head lowered, though, staring hard at some spot on the floor. I know very well that if I move too quickly I might faint and I don’t want to risk that. I feel weak and helpless when I come back to consciousness; it’s a terrible sensation, worse than a hangover. Plus every time I do faint, Loki seems to need to move me around and I wake up in the healing room, welcomed by worried faces even if I’m perfectly fine.

So, no fainting today, thank you very much.

There’s more blood on my chin and I press both hands to my face; I think the blow has probably broken my lip and I’ll have a nice purple bruise for three, four days. Maybe less, but it will certainly not be gone by this evening. I sigh. Frigga _had_ told us not to train this afternoon. Loki puts the spear down with a clink and gets down on one knee to lift my chin up and peer at the injury. I start when I see the deep gash over his right eyebrow, bleeding down on his temple and his cheek. I reach out a hand. “Did I do that to you?”

“One of your… claws did,” he answers, caressing the short, sharp spikes protruding out of my vambraces with the tip of his finger. “A shrewd idea indeed,” he adds with a satisfied smile.

I smile back. “Well, spiders do have claws at the end of their legs, so I figured it made sense.” I laugh a little and it hurts my head so I wince. “We’re going to be quite a sight, this evening, aren’t we?”

“Assorted clothes and bruises,” he whispers.

I wince again when I laugh. “We’ll get told off.”

“They wouldn’t dare. And you know what to do if it happens.”

I smile at the memory of some citizen who literally ran away after both Loki and I turned our heads to glare at him, and not even on purpose. “It’s all right for you, being a warrior and everything. But how am I supposed to look stately among the others with the left half of my face swollen and purple? I’m not Sif!”

“It will mark you out from the others and everyone will know who you are.” He kisses me and my broken lip smears blood on his own. He licks it absent-mindedly and goes to put the spears away as I crawl to rest my back on the cold wall. Then he sits next to me with a deep sigh, stretching lazily. “I had not sensed the shift in your strength.”

“It’s all right, really it is.” I’m not telling him I did it on purpose; I didn’t plan on getting hurt but I relish believing that he might feel a little guilty. Bad Eileen.

“I was quite astonished by how efficient you’ve become. Your grip over your new abilities is indeed surer, and you were answering blow for blow until I decided to…”

I frown at him. “Up the stakes?” I offer.

He nods. “Soon you will be too much for me,” he concludes, unable to hide the sassy smile flickering on his lips.

“Loki, shut your lying mouth at once,” I say, shaking my head. “I still have so much to learn.”

“Were you expecting to master this in a few weeks? How long do you think it took me to learn everything I know? Learning takes time.”

“I don’t like things that take time.”

His suddenly attentive stare means ‘yes, you do,’ but I don’t react. “It will prove difficult to determine when you will be able to train again. You have to understand that it might take even longer if you exhaust yourself.”

“I’m not exhausted,” I protest.

Loki arches an eyebrow at me. “I doubt you could even stand up and walk away.”

“You just hit my face with a spear, what did you expect?” I pretend to hit him but he catches my hand and I give up, leaning my head on his shoulder. I’ll stick to verbal assault, that’s easier in my state. I load my voice with bitterness. “If I was Thor’s girlfriend he wouldn’t talk to me like that.”

His grip over my hand tightens. “Of course he wouldn’t. Because you would be on Earth, safely concealed from everyone’s sight, patiently waiting for him to come and claim you.”

I chuckle. “He’s still not over it, is he?”

“Over what? The Allfather deciding to make you an Aesyn, and not _his_ mortal? No, he isn’t over it.” I look up at him and catch that glimmer in his eyes, the one he usually hides even from me, the one that shows how deeply pleased he is to have something his brother has been denied. Sometimes I even suspect that it thrills him more than my actual presence. When he senses my gaze on him he looks down and his face hardens. “This undoubtedly explains why he pretended not to understand you were hurt last time.”

“And it undoubtedly explains why I haven’t seen him in this room with me since it happened.” Loki nods curtly. He’s still furious at Thor for that. “He didn’t do it on purpose. He didn’t see I was hurt and I forgot all about calling the fight off. It was my fault entirely.”

“Eileen, it happened when I was absent and there were five other people in with you. None of them reacted quickly enough.”

“We both know that’s a lie, they took me to the healing room immediately after.” He doesn’t answer. “Really, Loki, Thor wouldn’t hurt me intentionally. And it wasn’t that serious, I survived.”

“That’s beside the point.” He squirms in irritation. The conversation is getting on his nerves, he doesn’t like that I defend his brother. Or anyone else, actually. “They shouldn’t even dare get near you for fear of my reaction. They’ve always been careless with my personal belongings, even when we were children.”

“I’m no personal belonging,” I tease.

“Oh, please.” He’s getting angry. “You know what I meant.”

“I know.” I huddle closer and kiss his neck.

“They should be terrified.”       

“I’m just the entertaining nuisance,” I whisper. “You’re the dangerous one. And they think you won’t dare threaten them, what with you being responsible for quite a lot of mess already.” I kiss him again. “They will fear me, some day. Start with explaining where that beautiful scar comes from, it might help.” That makes him relax a little. “I’m actually very proud that I managed to hit you for real, and never mind how wrong that sounds.”

“I let you,” he scoffs.

“You didn’t.”

“Of course I did.”

“Oh, please shut up,” I snap back.

“Such a creative retort, Weaver. And I’ve heard people say that you’re a match for me when it comes to words. What if they knew?”

“Again, you just hit me with a spear, what were you expecting?”

He looks at me. “Better; always better. And you know it, that’s why you’re here.” He kisses the right corner of my mouth, far from the bruise, biting my lips a little. Then he slides his thumb over the swelling. “You will heal soon.”

“I already am.” I lean heavily on his shoulder to get up and then I discard the spiky armbands as I walk to the door. I turn around when I notice Loki isn’t following me. He’s still sitting, staring at nothing, apparently deep in his thoughts. “It’s time we got out of here and engage in more civilized activities, don’t you think?”

“Such as?”

“You can’t have forgotten the celebration before tomorrow’s attack. We’re expected at your brother’s side.” He darts his eyes at me. “I think I’m going to lie down for a while or I’ll never be able to face the evening. And I’ll need something for that headache.” I don’t wait for his answer and walk out, caressing the bruise to see if it hurts. Obviously it does. Actual sleep would do me good, and I really hope said headache will have receded in a few hours.


	2. Lady Sigyn

It hasn’t. And no matter how hard I strive to hide it, I know it shows on my face. I looked so pale and strained when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror that I could easily have excused myself. We should so have listened to Frigga. Everyone is trying not to stare at our injuries, and the ones who do usually end up whispering worried questions in my ear, wondering how I got the purple patch adorning the lower part of my face. Not as painful as before, it has already started healing on its own, but it’s still throbbing.

“Would you like me to stay here should you need anything?” the guard asks.

“No, thank you, you may take your leave. I just need a moment of quiet.” I’ve just walked out of the hall to get some air and he’s certainly seen me clinging hard to the banister. “But you’re a soldier, you know what training injuries are like,” I add when I spot the puzzlement in his eyes. That should answer the questions he won’t dare ask. He hesitates for a second then bows his head and leaves me alone. I close my eyes.

The weight of the golden headband circling my forehead seems to have increased over the past hours. The five cup of mead that I’ve swallowed to help me cope with the evening have probably also contributed to the heavy drumming between my temples. I wonder if it would be rude to leave now since the night has almost fallen and I’m making people uncomfortable anyway. I could go and ask Loki, but he’d shrug and tell me to do whatever suits me, which wouldn’t be helpful at all. And which isn’t true; I can’t do whatever suits me. It was already difficult making Thor accept the situation and the other Asgardians weren’t easier to deal with: they’re downright outraged that such a privilege was granted to Loki after everything he had done. Besides, most people don’t even understand why I’m here, and I actually suspect most of them think Loki’s forcing me thanks to a manipulation of some sort, even the ones who don’t know how I was abducted in the first place. Not that many people outside the Palace had heard of the annoying mortal, after all. And turning up at a feast with a purple face and a swollen lip isn’t exactly going to make any of it easier. I sigh again and it makes white dots dance in front of my eyes. At first, I didn’t exactly know what to answer to the ones who flatly told me the Allfather had made a mistake when he gave in to Loki’s whim of having a wife, because even if I was far from agreeing with them, I knew they had a point. As far as I had been told, he had not answered for any of the crimes he committed. So I just went to him and explained my puzzlement. He laughed joylessly and refused to tell me more, saying that these people shouldn’t speak of what they didn’t know. Of course, I pushed further. I shouldn’t have.

I have that stupid reflex of clenching my jaw in anger and I can’t hold the grunt of pain.

“Lady Sigyn?”

Oh, no. Not _him_ again. Ever since Odin has decided to accept me as Aesyn, Balder has been exceedingly polite with me, getting on my nerves and irritating Loki which in turn worries me because I can see the animosity building up between the two men. I still haven’t told Loki he’ll cause Balder’s death and will induce chaos and destruction, managing to keep it to myself for a while longer. I’m not the only one to keep secrets: Odin has told no-one that Balder is actually his son, and he made me understand that I’d better never mention that detail.

I breathe deeply and turn to him with a sort of smile. “Good evening.”

“And good evening to you, even if from the look on your delicate features you do not seem to be having as pleasant a time as one would wish.”

So much sugar in his words, it makes me sick. “I am just… exhausted. But thank you for your concern.”

He bows his head and draws nearer. “You are very welcome,” he whispers.

I chuckle. “Am I?”

“What a remarkable mind, still so sharp after such an unfortunate,” he hesitates almost imperceptibly, “accident.” I keep smiling but say nothing. He stares into my eyes intently. “You know you can confide in me. I’m not the strongest warrior here but I could help you should you need it.” My lips contract and it hurts.

I take the headdress off, and it seems all the pain that was contained within its limits spreads to my skull. I close my eyes to keep the nausea in check as the headache ripples down to the nape of my neck. I eventually turn to him. “Ok, Balder, I’m Eileen Weaver again, not Sigyn.” I wave the golden circle under his nose. “So cut the crap and tell me what it is you want exactly.”

He considers me in complete silence for a minute and I hold his gaze. He _is_ the most handsome here, there’s no doubt about it, but with the training I think I could beat him in a fight. Not that I’d try. “I don’t know why you refuse to believe I am sincere,” he starts. “I am deeply worried about your well-being, and I thought it was very unwise of you to stay completely isolated on a balcony.”

I give him an irritated sigh. “I’m alone with Loki all the time, do you really think it would change a thing if –”

He interrupts me with a shake of the head. “No, no, that’s not who you should be afraid of.” He smiles. “You’re probably the only one here to be safe in his presence.”

I frown. “But… I thought…”

“I know what you thought. But I’m not one of those half-wits who believe he’s being violent with you. There are far more pressing dangers than that tale, and Loki seems not to know about them, or not to care about how you will face them.”

What in the Nine Realms is he talking about? “Or maybe he’s confident that I’ll defend myself and won’t need his help.”

“Now that’s a terrible, terrible lie.”

My fingers close tight around the thick golden headband. “So you come to take his place and stand in between me and unexpected danger?”

“I know better than even think about doing so,” he whispers calmly.

“Then why bother disturb me if you’re not going to do anything?” I snap back. He tenses up and I feel I’ve gone too far. “I’m sorry,” I say more gently. “I’m exhausted and in pain. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I am not the least offended. I understand your reaction perfectly well, and considering how I behaved with you in the past, I owe you an apology too. I shouldn’t have called you a liar and said that you’re not better than Loki. I was drunk that night, and genuinely afraid he might have set up a trap but I was too ashamed of myself to confess it to you before.”

I nod and smile. “It is of no importance now.” We stand in silence for a few more minutes until I speak again. “I think it would be better for me if I left to rest in my rooms.”

“That’s your decision to make, but don’t stay alone. It isn’t a threat, it’s advice. From a friend. I know you’re defiant and will probably not heed my words, but you are in great danger here, even within the Allfather’s hall.”

Perhaps I should look into it. “If this is the truth, thank you for warning me.”

“You will soon notice that I always speak the truth.” He leans closer and gently takes the headband from my hands to place it around my forehead again, arranging locks of hair. “There,” he says. “The snake’s head just above the bridge of your nose.” He takes a few steps backwards. “This crown suits you well, Sigyn. Despite not being born in Asgard, you have found your place here. Don’t allow anyone to whisper otherwise to you.”

“I do not mind such whispers,” I answer calmly. He smiles, says nothing, and bows his head before leaving. As I watch him disappear inside the hall, I wonder how much of his future he knows. Probably nothing. Despite Odin’s assurance that he never prevented anyone from reading the stories of their fates, nobody here seems to actually know they are all doomed in one way or another, and I still haven’t seen any of the books again. When someone gets on my nerves, I smile and imagine their face if I told them about how they died. But I won’t say a single thing until I’ve disclosed everything to Loki, and I’m not sure I’ll do that right now. Sometimes, when a detail, a reaction from Loki, a little something, reminds me of the cascading events I can’t stop, I look at the Allfather and I guess the resignation in his eyes. And when he meets my gaze, behind the resignation there’s our tenacious hope that we will succeed in finding another way out for them. For us. I’m in it too, now.

I start as I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around and dart my eyes everywhere, straining my ears to recognize the pace, but it isn’t someone I know.

Oh, no it isn’t. Three bulky, heavily armed men are closing in on my left, and three others on my right. They aren’t guards. I start running towards the hall but one of them, short and square, holds a hand in front of me and I stop, afraid that he might touch me. “Where do you think you’re running?” he asks with a wide smile.

Ok, so, think, Eileen. First of all, keep all of them in sight. I can’t allow any of them to steal behind my back. I don’t like it very much but my only way to do that is to stay pressed to the balustrade. “Who are you?” I ask once my lower back is resting on the railing. I look at them one after the other, squaring my shoulders and trying to look threatening. If they had planned on just killing me it would be done already, but I doubt they want to attack me themselves. I have to buy time. I hope someone will come this way soon. Maybe Balder has heard and will come back. Or the guard. I could call for help, but I don’t like this idea very much. “Who are you?” I ask again.

“People who mean well to the realm of Asgard, and to all the others.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course. Why would you doubt it, lady Sigyn?”

“Then let me go. If you do know who I am you will obey me. I want to go back to the reception hall.”

“Unfortunately, we would like to avoid that. We actually believe you should never go back to that hall. Quite the contrary.”

I swallow nervously. “Why?”

“It is disappointing that you have to ask. We were told you were clever.”

I load my voice with hostility. “Who are you working for?”

“Peace, my dear Sigyn. Peace. Since you’ve arrived, the Allfather seems to have forgiven Loki everything he’s done, allowing him to continue spreading chaos and destruction. The situation, as it is, is in contradiction with what Fate had planned. We can’t let him to endanger all of us.”

“Are you challenging your king’s decision?”

“Loki didn’t get punishment other than a little confinement. How is that fair?”

If I had any strength left, the shot of anger his words have caused would have awoken it immediately. But this afternoon’s fight has drained me. “You don’t know that,” I growl.

“And you do?”

 _Oh, yes I do._ I managed to make Loki tell me, after working on it for weeks and weeks. When Thor brought him back from Earth, he was imprisoned for a while. That was the official version. Overlooking his relief at seeing Loki alive and giving in to his anger, Odin sentenced him to prison for an undetermined period. But Loki forced his stories and promises of fortune into the ears of servants, until he convinced one of them to help him escape. The plan failed and Loki killed the boy, which set the King of Asgard in a memorable rage and had him move on to another sort of condemnation. “Pain,” was the only word I worked out of Loki when I enquired about specifics. I couldn’t even make him say how long it lasted, but afterwards Odin forbade anyone to speak to Loki and prevented him from sharing any of the thoughts in his mind. “I found that faking petty regret remained the easiest path to Odin’s pardon,” my god of mischief explained.

But nobody was to know the exact conditions of his imprisonment. Odin then proceeded to pretend that nothing had ever happened, and Loki decided to play along. When I asked him how he’d managed not to lose his sanity, he smiled and retorted he had used the time and quiet after the torture to secretly think up the device he made to transfer me in Asgard. He concluded that I ought to be grateful for it and tried to make me promise never to bring the matter up again. Instead of nodding and hugging him tight, as any sensible person would have done, I lost complete control over another burst of anger and after I’d tried to attack Odin again, they decided I should better start learning how to master all this raw power inside me, Loki haughtily adding it would never do to have an Aesyn behaving like an wild beast.

I’ve started to shake as I recalled all this and the men seem satisfied with my reaction. “You’re right to be afraid, my little lady. When something eventually happens to you, the Allfather will have to see that Loki isn’t even able to change for the woman he has chosen, and he will be banned for good.” He waves his companions on and as they draw closer the trembling intensifies. “You have to be removed. We’re doing it to protect the citizens of Asgard. To protect everyone. We must respect Fate.”

His face is inches from mine and the others are gathered in a tight circle. Oh, no. “Back away,” I say loudly.

“I won’t. After seeing and whispering about your injury all evening long, people will readily believe you jumped because you simply couldn’t go on with your life. He was too bad for you, too violent for any woman. You couldn’t cope with him.”

I bare my teeth in a sort of aggressive smile. “That’s not true.”

“Oh, we _know_ that. But how many others do? And you, of all people, are aware how easy it is to make everyone believe what they want to believe.”

“Who are you working for?” I ask again.

“Do you really believe we are stupid enough to tell you? It’s far too dangerous to let you know, just in case you survived. Even if you won’t.”

The unrelenting pressure in my lower back reminds me that I can’t back further away from the six men steadily advancing towards me. Everyone has seen my injury, and that man is right; if I fall, everyone will assume it was Loki’s fault. I’m going to fall and there’s nothing I can do about it, except call for help. Not what I wanted to do. But I don’t want to crash on the hard pavement below either.

“Is there a problem here?”

My head turns to Sif, who’s glaring at my attackers, closely followed by Balder. And then Thor arrives, his features hard and haughty.

“What is the meaning of this?” he asks. I don’t seem able to answer and just stare at him. “Brother, we’ve found her,” he calls out over his shoulder.

Loki takes a few lazy steps on the balcony, taking in every detail the scene but never looking at me.

“So,” Sif speaks again, “what exactly is happening here?”

“Having an answer to that question would indeed bring me satisfaction,” Loki says. My assailants hesitate for a second as they see the four menacing figures drawing closer, the one who was facing me retreating a little, and that’s when I do something I never thought I’d see myself doing. I lose all concern about propriety or what he might think of me acting so weak and run straight to Loki before the trembling in my legs makes me fall. Some part of my brain registers that his arm has opened almost automatically, but most of my attention is focused on avoiding touching the other men. When his hand closes around my shoulder I try to master the shaking and the shame both invading my body, my forehead pressing against the cold ornaments of his clothes. I can’t. I feel his fingers crumple the fabric as they contract over my skin.

“We were simply having a conversation with lady Sigyn,” the short man says.

“Guards,” Thor calls out, “get hold of these men and bring them before my father. I think this marks the end of tonight’s celebration.”


	3. Fear for her life

My head is spinning, I’m swimming in fatigue, barely able to keep standing, and Thor is shouting so loud it hurts my head and my back and my knees and everywhere.

“This is intolerable! You let them leave the Palace freely? You didn’t even… I can’t believe it!” He slams his closed fist on a table, making plates and cutlery clink. “Do the people know there were assassins roaming the corridors of your hall?”

“The people have been told there was an incident,” Odin answers in a calm voice, “but the details of the aggression must remain secret.”

“Give me one reason why I should comply.”

“To avoid a panic.”

Sif frowns and interferes. “Allfather, one of us has been assaulted, threatened with death –” Odin’s glare cuts her short.

He turns his head to Loki, who’s been standing silent during the entire argument, eager for a reaction that doesn’t come. “I have made a decision,” the king states. “Enough with this.”

Thor swears loudly. Loki clenches his teeth, swallows, breathes in, and then speaks in a steady voice. “Father, I do not agree with this decision.” Thor’s head snaps to the side and he beams at his brother. Loki’s cold gaze is fixated on a spot near the throne, the face framed by his helmet devoid of any emotion. “I will see them dead,” he adds.

The Allfather’s complexion turns a lot paler than usual and I decide to speak up, or this will last for hours. “Please. I wasn’t even hurt, there’s been no real harm done.” Nobody seems to have heard; even Loki doesn’t turn around to look at me, doesn’t even acknowledge I’ve spoken.

Thor clears his throat but Odin speaks first. “Everyone get out of here, I need to speak to Loki and Sigyn alone.”

I nod and smile nicely as the others show sympathy when they walk past me. The heavy doors close a few minutes after that and I enjoy the short moment of silence. I’m exhausted, Loki hasn’t so much as looked at me since we left the balcony, let alone talked to me, and now he’s staring at a pillar. My only wish right now is to fall asleep, if at all possible in his arms, but when he’s this angry he doesn’t sleep and always wakes me up at some point, so I don’t think it would be a good idea tonight; I’ll have to do without, I crave rest. The headband weighs a ton on my head; maybe it has tightened, or my head is swollen and I’ll never be able to take it off again, oh dear what am I going to do?

“Eileen! I’m talking to you!” Odin’s voice compels me to come back to reality. I blink once or twice and realize I was falling asleep on the spot. I’m confused as to why he used my real name, nobody but Loki calls me Eileen here. And not in public, when people might hear it. I smile wanly at the old king. “I am sorry about everything that has happened tonight. We should have ensured your safety. But I confess I never thought it would go so far.”

What is he talking about?

“You never thought _what_ would go so far?” Loki asks. “Did you know something and somehow disregarded warning me?”

The Allfather hesitates, visibly reluctant to provoke his son’s anger again. “I had heard… whispers. Rumours. I didn’t want to overreact and decided to wait for proof. If I had known they would threaten her life it would have been different.” I hate it when he pretends that he didn’t know a thing and quite simply expect me to say nothing about it. Heimdall had probably warned him about all this. I shake my head and try to make him understand how much I despise him when he does that. “Thankfully, as Sigyn said, she wasn’t injured.”

“What if it happens again? Father, I fear you do not grasp the full meaning of this incident. It means that these people were bold enough to attack an Aesyn. They shouldn’t even dare talk to her.”

I sigh. “Now don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn’t want that!”

Loki just ignores my intervention and keeps on explaining his point of view. “They proved they had no respect for me or for you and your decisions when they attacked her.” I notice he hasn’t used my name once since all of this happened. “You should make an example of them, to show nobody can behave so freely with their rulers.”

“I will do no such thing! Letting them go will allow me to –”

Loki laughs, and when he speaks his voice could cut through glass. “If she had been Thor’s woman, these vile creatures would be buried already, not even having had the time to ask for mercy.”

“Silence!” Odin explodes. But I think Loki’s right, even if he bows his head and says nothing. Not that I want to see the six men hanging from a tree, but at the very least find some sort of punishment to show everyone they can’t just decide to assassinate me. “When will this constant measuring to your brother cease? I had hoped that should anything of the sort happen you would be much more sensible than him and give me enough time to give the appropriate response.”

When Loki looks up at his father again, the expression on his face frightens me. “So,” he starts, “that’s what it is, then. Another experiment. I am still useful to you, after all. Perhaps that’s the very reason you didn’t kill me straight away after what I did on Earth.” Behind the rage is the pain, I can feel it, and behind the pain is more rage. How is it that this seemingly wise old man never learns from his mistakes? Maybe he thinks I will contain that rage now that I’m here. Maybe that’s why he allowed me to stay, to investigate on how I could control his son. But I stayed for Loki, not to be some sort of help to Odin, quite the contrary. So I don’t say a thing.

It would have been unnecessary anyway, because Loki looks away for a minute, closes his hands and stretches his fingers again before cracking a smile and stating, “At the very least, I hope the results were to your taste.” I can’t repress the intense satisfaction at the look on Odin’s face. _Well played._

“Not exactly.”

I decide to help a little. “Oh, really? You hadn’t planned on me being attacked?” Odin stares at my face as if I had uttered blasphemy and I can tell Loki is struggling not to turn around. I don’t know why he won’t look at me. “Thankfully, I’m unhurt. But what if it happens again? What if Sif and Thor don’t arrive in time?”

“It will not happen again!

I grin. “How do you know?”

Odin tenses up in the silence. I stay very straight as I wait for him to speak. “You can’t ask me to execute six citizens. It would cause more harm than good. Can you give me until after tomorrow’s battle to investigate this matter?” I give a quick nod. That seems a fair agreement. “Loki?” Odin asks.

There’s some serious thinking going on in that complicated mind of his, I can tell from the look on his face. “This conversation tires me,” he eventually says. “We will discuss this later.” I see his father’s shoulders slump a little and he waves us away. I smile when Loki turns around, but he just walks past me out of the room.

Ok, this is starting to get on my nerves. I hurry to catch up with his strides, and yet I can’t. I refuse to run after him so I wait for us to be in an empty corridor and I stop. “Loki!” I call out. He freezes, waits for me to join him. “Can you at least talk to me, look at me, do something?” He stays motionless for a second before pointing at some dark corner. When I squint to guess what he’s trying to show me, I see movement. Someone was hiding, trying to listen to us. I sigh. No explanation was given after Loki and Thor walked back in the reception hall half-carrying me, followed by guards and the six men, so now everyone is trying to find out what happened. “Ok,” I whisper. “I’ll wait.” He vaguely smiles, places his hand on the small of my back to urge me forward, and this time he walks at my pace.

As soon as we get to our apartments, I make straight for the dressing table and remove the headband and all the jewellery. Loki slams the door shut behind him. I twist to face him as he’s walking closer. “Can you please not make so much noise? My head is –”

A crushing kiss silences me, but it kindles more pain in my neck and skull and I can’t help whimpering. “Damn,” he whispers before picking me up as if I weighed nothing. I clutch his shoulders and fasten my legs around his hips as his hands make the dress crumple up to my waist. Carrying me with one arm he sits me on the dressing table, gets out of his clothes I know not how and the next instant he’s inside me. I gasp for air and laugh, pleasure mingling with the pain coming down my back. He buries his face in my neck, and I realize that all that time he was yelling at his father and not looking at me and not talking to me, I wanted him, and even now that we are each other I’m still wanting him. For some reason this makes perfect sense in my mind. The headache has been imprisoned away somewhere. After the pain, the fear, the anger, this feels so good and liberating, and I whisper his name. He answers something, “louder,” I think it is, and I laugh again.

I close my hand on his hair and tell him, “Make me!”

It doesn’t last very long and yet I’m left emptied and light-headed, barely clinging to Loki as I feel he’s carrying me to the bed. He sits on the edge, a hand in my hair. “Thankfully, control has become a second nature to me, or these men –.” He doesn’t finish his sentence. “I would forbid you to disappear from my sight again if I thought you’d obey.”

I pull him down next to me and roll into a ball against him. “Never again,” I whisper in his ear. I try to blink sleep away so I can actually have that conversation with him, but it’s a complete failure. We’ll have time tomorrow. “I promise,” I mutter. “Never again.”


	4. Apples

“Don’t you want to eat something?” the little maid asks, pointing at the tray on our left.

I consider the saucer of honey and the apples. My breakfast, which I haven’t even planned on touching. “No, thank you, Asuyia.” I look back towards the dressing table and I see her hesitate, wondering whether she should press the matter or not. “I will eat with the others.” She bows her cute head and resumes wreathing the black and gold ribbon in my hair. I sit in complete silence, watching her hands swiftly take hold of one lock after the other, letting her complete her task. I end up staring at my reflection without really seeing it.

After a while, the girl puts the brush back down. “I’m finished. It’s time.”

I press my lips tightly together, take a deep breath, and get up, leaning heavily on the arms of the chair. I walk slowly, particularly careful not to let the long, sweeping skirt catch into anything. That would be embarrassing, and I could really do without embarrassment right now. The blonde maid clears her throat. “Your… headband,” she mutters.

I smile and turn to her. “I’m not wearing it. This isn’t a celebration.”

She looks quite simply horrified. “But… the… the queen…”

“She will understand.” I highly doubt that, but whatever. They should know better than try and force me to attend that sort of gathering. Having company will help the wait, they said. Bullshit. So I stayed alone. But then somebody decided against it, and I couldn’t refuse an invitation from Frigga, could I?

Oh, hell, maybe I should have.

As we walk towards the dining hall where all the others are waiting, I can sense that Asuyia is searching for the courage to speak and ask me whatever it is she’s been wondering since she arrived in my room this afternoon. I’m not usually unfriendly to her, she’s a nice girl, but I’m not in the mood for conversation today, so I let her decide if she wants to know or if the look on my face will discourage her. I’m pretty sure I know what she’s going to ask anyway.

She still hasn’t spoken when we enter the hall. The guards let us in and I tense up when fifty something pairs of eyes turn to me. I keep my head high and set my gaze on the row of stately women seated at the far end of the room. They’ve seen me too, but are polite enough not to plainly stare. I jerk my chin up and begin cutting across the wide hall, slowing my pace down to appear dignified and, I hope, regal enough for the place. I know how to ignore whispers and I just let my eyes sweep calmly on the faces of the people commenting. I still try to understand what they’re saying; I can’t. I’m terribly nervous, and I shouldn’t be. I decide to walk a little faster and hear the maid scurrying to match my brisk strides.

“Sigyn,” Var says when I reach the semi-circle of seats where the Aesyins are waiting. I acknowledge her salutation with a faint smile. She knows I fear her more than I fear Frigga or even Odin, because she has a way of looking through me every time I’m somewhere with Loki, a steady, intent gaze that unnerves me and makes me uncomfortable. As if she was trying to see in my eyes that I’m lying when I’m about to leave for Earth and I swear into his ear that I’ll be back.

Something warm touches my arm; it’s Lofn. I like her, and she’s probably the only one I can call a friend. She told me that my determination at staying at Loki’s side in Asgard despite him being a giant-god and I a mortal amused and thrilled her. But she was bound to like the situation; she was supposed to be the goddess who brings men and women together, after all. She sits me on a bench next to her and squeezes my hand gently before nudging Freya, who snorted when I arrived. Tell me about company that will help me take my mind off the wait. I’m not even in the mood to cause an argument. I look around and see that my maid has joined her friends and is enjoying herself.

Idun is passing around a tray laden with apples. I shake my head. “No, thank you,” I whisper, but Lofn takes one for me.

I don’t do anything but stare at the fruit until she sighs, presses it into my palm and takes a little knife out. “Eat it,” she says. “You will feel better. Trust me.”

I look up at her pretty face. I want to answer that I don’t need to feel better, that I’m not worried because I know very well that they will all come back safe, they have to, that’s not how they die, that the story will turn out differently. But I can’t. Since I have hope that the end might be different, then I have the fear that the end and hence the details in between might be different. I don’t know if she can read of this in my eyes.

Besides, she’s probably right. I haven’t eaten a thing since… yesterday morning, I think. Maybe even before that, I can’t remember. So I nod; but I don’t borrow her knife. I pull out a short, sharp blade from my waistband to cut out a sliver of apple.

I hear a soft chuckle. “I’ve always admired these knives,” Lofn tells me. “But isn’t he afraid that you might lose it?”

I look at her. What is that supposed to mean? I lift a fold of my dress and let her see the five similar weapons I have tucked in my belt, then I bite into the slice of apple. I munch carefully as a smile creeps up her face. As I eat, I swear I can feel the strength fill my veins, quicken my blood and poke my mind awake. I really shouldn’t skip meals so often.

“All six of them,” Lofn says in a suddenly loud voice. “And I couldn’t even get near one,” she adds, staring at her apple.

Heads turn to her. I know why she’s doing this and I can’t help finding it particularly annoying, even if she’s on my side. My side. This whole thing is ridiculous.

Besides, talking about the daggers makes my stomach contract in anguish. Loki laid the blades out this morning on my dressing table without a word. When I told him they would certainly be of more use to him than to me, he silently closed my fingers around one of them before lifting my arm up and placing the tip on his neck, just under the jawbone. “Plant it just here and pull down. Hard. It will slice the artery open.” I knew he could feel my hand trembling inside his own. I nodded, and he kissed my wrist. I looked up at him. “Don’t say it,” he warned me. “Not now.”

I ignored that. “Stay safe,” I told him. “And come back.” And I waited. He didn’t say a thing but wrapped his arms around my back and kissed me. I discarded the blade, making it clink back on the table top. “I love you,” I allowed myself to whisper. His fingers sunk into my flesh and he kissed me harder, which was a better reaction that I could have expected considering he’d asked me not to say it.

This was our only goodbye. He’d smiled when I hesitantly asked if he would mind me not standing with the others when they all left, and I understood he wouldn’t have wanted me to anyway. I still heard them leave, though, and that was already too much for me. That’s not the sort of stress I’m used to. I somehow wish he had answered me differently.

An awkward cough brings me back to reality. “Where’s your headband, Sigyn?” Frigga’s voice is calm. It’s a simple question.

I take the time to munch and swallow my piece of apple before answering, and I don’t turn my head to her when I do. “I didn’t deem it appropriate for this situation.”

Somebody gasps and somebody else hushes her up. “You shouldn’t be seen without a head dress,” Odin’s wife says, her tone still even. I stay silent, slowly cutting out another slice from my apple and giving a purposeful bite into it. Whereas Odin and I regularly engage in verbal sparring and both enjoy it very much despite the state of rage it puts us in, Frigga is defiant and always strives to avoid provoking me. I don’t think her almighty husband has told her that I also know about everyone’s fates here. Probably another of his freakishly counter-productive ways of trying to keep everything under his control.

“Sigyn,” she starts again with a sigh, “I know this must be difficult for you, but all the members of my household –”

“Which I am not a part of,” I interrupt her, this time turning my gaze to her face. My tone isn’t hostile either, because I don’t want her as an enemy. She observes me for a minute, and then nods and focuses on the woman next to her. I just wish she would leave me alone. I just wish all of them would leave me alone. The apple tastes bland and ashy now; the sensation of Lofn’s skin against mine has grown unpleasant, so I decide to get up and walk away, still clutching the fruit. I go to stand on a balcony; again. But this time everyone can still see me from the hall, and anyway my little maid soon comes fluttering around me, babbling about all the gossip she just shared with the others. She seems in an excellent mood, for some reason. I usually like listening to what she learns, and yet I can’t register a single word of what she’s saying.

“Aren’t you finishing this?” she asks, pointing at my half-eaten apple. I shake my head and hand it to her. “Thank you! I’m starved.” I’m about to give her the knife when she sinks her teeth into the yellow pulp and proceeds to munch ferociously. I can’t prevent a half-smile as I slide the blade back into my waistband. The apple is gone in an instant, and she resumes her gossiping. Since I’m not answering, she suddenly stops and lays a hand over my arm, something I hate. “Do you need anything?”

“Some quiet would be perfect,” I snap back, looking down at her fingers.

Her plump lips droop down, she takes her hand away and lowers her eyes. “Please accept my apologies,” she whispers.

I’m already regretting my harsh reaction. “No, it’s all right. You were not at fault.” But she doesn’t answer. I sigh. From where we’re standing we can see the Rainbow Bridge eerily hanging over nothingness. If I let my imagination wander far enough, I can picture the branches and roots of the supposed tree linking the different planes together, and despite all my efforts to avoid thinking about it I find myself wondering, for the hundredth time, in what projection, what conception, what duplicate of the legends this is all happening. Maybe here everyone will die within the next hours. Maybe only Loki will die. Maybe I’ll survive him. I shudder and tear my eyes off the gleaming pathway to look at the blonde, lively young girl stealing shy glances towards me. “You shouldn’t be afraid of me,” I tell her.

She swallows. “I know,” she answers. “But when you stare me down you look… you look just like him.”

That makes me smile. “I was under the impression that you wanted to ask me something earlier.”

“Oh, it is of no importance, no importance indeed,” she mutters. “Just a question I’ve been asking myself, that everybody has been asking, but, I’ve never dared, because I feared, well, I thought that you might, maybe, find it somehow offensive.”

 _That’s a lot of hesitating for something that’s of no importance…_ “Tell me.” I know she will eventually speak. They always do when they see you’re listening.

It barely takes a minute. “Why… well.” She takes a deep breath. “How do you know?”

 _Know what?_ I almost ask, but her embarrassment isn’t even funny anymore. “I just do,” I answer.

Her voice drops down to a whisper. “I don’t understand.”

How can I tell her? How can I make her see? How can I explain that every glimmer of metal in that room reminds me of him, that right now I can feel the echo of his voice inside me, taste his skin on my tongue? That catching a mere glimpse of the throne room far on our left brings back to my memory impossibly vivid images of our ‘celebration’ the day I broke the spirits of two of his former enemies? That I’ve let him understand me in ways I’ve never allowed anyone to understand me before, that he knows me inside out and all over, that sometimes I don’t need him to speak to guess what he’s thinking, that I never guess wrong? How can I say that there’s nothing to understand and that I am, quite simply and quite stupidly, in love with him?

I can’t. This sort of story I’m not used to telling. So I try to parry. “Will my answer be repeated again and again?”

She makes a sort of noise, in-between a snort and a sigh. “My friends don’t believe in keeping secrets.” I arch an eyebrow. “But that can be useful for you.”

 _Let them repeat that, then._ “So I’ll just say that I both wish and fear everyone could experience what I’m living.” That should match the loyal Sigyn character.

‘What does that even mean?’ her quizzical stare is asking, but she nods and swallows before diving in for another question. “Is it true that he saved your life?”

I look carefully at her, wondering if she’s trying to make me disclose more than what I’m supposed to say. “Yes,” I answer. Only the permanent inhabitants of the palace actually know where I originally come from, and they’ve all been instructed to tell what I call The Lie. The Lie says that I was an ordinary citizen of Asgard, and was so distressed at my lover’s treason that I managed to somehow lose my way into Jotunheim and Loki, who happened to be there for the alliance, saved me from the cold and brought me back, and the giants were vexed. It’s fairly simple and provides explanation both for my improbable meeting with him and the aborted alliance with the Frost Giants without telling the truth about Loki’s initial responsibility in any of it. Since Odin had been extremely careful not to let anyone outside the Palace see me after I was taken from Earth, nobody seems to be asking questions. And anyway Heimdall would know about it and alert us immediately if it happened. “This is true,” I add, before turning my head away to indicate that the conversation is over. I sigh again; I’ve lost count now of the amount of breath I’ve used sighing. _You’d better come back soon, Loki._


	5. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki (eventually) gets a hug.

 

When the trumpets echo everywhere, filling the entire palace with the sound of victory and making the people run to the balconies waving scarves and branches of flowers and other such nonsense, I work my way through the crowds and slip out of the hall towards the esplanade. It’s a piece of cake to get rid of anyone eager to follow me – the maid and Lofn – busy as everybody is cheering and laughing and hugging one another.

I’m feeling cheerful too. And relieved. That means the battle is over. The unruly liege is defeated and Asgard is safe.

As I get closer to the now crowded esplanade where all the warriors are gathered, I slow down and take a good look, searching for Loki. I hear Sif’s voice behind me and the next moment she’s wheeling me around. “Sigyn! Why aren’t you with the others?” I don’t bother answering but mirror her broad smile. Their euphoria is spreading to me, reaching into my limbs and belittling my own worries with sheer relief that the battle is over. Not that they were at much risk anyway, but still. “It is exceptional seeing you smiling like that,” Sif is saying. “You’re always wearing a long face. On the other hand,” she adds, “that shouldn’t surprise me, considering –. Well. I know you’re already mentally choking me to make me tell you where he is.” I shake my head, because for once I’m not doing that, but she’s not paying attention, pointing at some spot behind her shoulder. “I saw him back there with Thor barely a minute ago.” And she gives me a shove. As I walk to the corner of the esplanade she indicated I bask in joy and exhilaration, making the most of it while it lasts.

And then my ears pick up his voice. I look everywhere until I glimpse a ripple of green, but he has his back to me, and I recognize something in the way he’s standing that makes me steal to the side and hide behind a pillar. He’s trembling with contained fury, magic crackling around his tensed silhouette. He’s talking to… Balder, it seems. I prick my ears up to hear what they’re saying.

“I was paying you a compliment,” Balder explains. “Not everything is a taunt, Loki! Your constant snapping is becoming highly unpleasant.”

“Is it? Why do you even waste your precious time talking to me if my conversation irritates you so?” He balls his hands up into fists and I swear I can sense the raw power ready to be unleashed.

“I had to warn you! I’ve heard people speak, our own people, and they are getting frustrated that you haven’t kept your promise to surrender to Midgard.”

“I owe these weaklings nothing.”

“You made thousands of victims, Loki!” Oh dear. _Sensitive subject here, Balder, tread carefully!_ “You should consider complying. There are more important things at stake than your pride. You need simply remember what happened to Sigyn; she is here because of you, was assaulted because of you! You chose her, made her your lady and you can’t accept such threats to her life.”

“How dare you tell me how to behave?” Loki’s voice has turned brittle, and he casts a wary glance over his shoulder towards the group of people drawing nearer.

“Balder is right,” Sif is saying. “We cannot continue to walk into battle with soldiers who seem unwilling to defend your life. And you certainly didn’t contribute to victory. I even feared that you had let yourself be injured as you did last time we all fought together.” Does she really want to continue down that path? Because up to now she wasn’t on top of the list of people who I have to hurt back.

“And what exactly are you hinting at when you expose your poor opinion of my fighting, lady Sif?” Loki asks her. He has mastered his anger and gathered the magical energy back, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less dangerous.

“Sif, please, now is not the moment.” Balder sounds worried.

“No, by all means let her speak her mind. She has every right to do so now, hasn’t she?” Loki’s tone means murder, but none of the others seem to hear it.

“I will speak freely, then, Loki. I think you should surrender to Earth at once. I’m not sure you realize how much danger we have, no, you have put them in by your irresponsible attempt to take power over that planet, and allying with forces you had no real control over.”

“I had everything under control until they decided to resist and –”

“Loki, stop this,” Sif interrupts him. “Everyone has had enough of this story. It’s your fault and you shouldn’t even think about not surrendering. She might be particularly skilled in doing so, but Eileen, I mean, Sigyn will not be able to find yet another excuse for you.” Of course I will. I will always find a way. “Please, don’t bring any more shame upon your name,” she concludes before walking away, too angry to even notice I was listening.

Somehow I know that Sif is right, but I can’t let her be right. I am right. Loki is right. If he doesn’t want to do something, then he doesn’t, and that’s the end of it. The not-stupid part of me shudders at the utter nonsense I can sometimes think where Loki is concerned.

Balder’s eyes are intently searching Loki’s face. I wish I could see what he’s looking at. “This type of reaction,” the handsome warrior points at Sif’s back, “is what I tried to warn you about. If you persevere in your attitude and never taking any responsibility for your actions, the tension between all of us will soon be unbearable, and we will really lose control.”

 _You have no idea how right you are._ I suppose I should congratulate him for his insight, even if that’s the very last thing he should have told Loki since he doesn’t want the relations to be appeased in any way. I fear he’s going to hit Balder, but he simply nods and pushes him aside to walk away. I know better than just run after him, so I wait for a few minutes of Balder observing the crowd before I walk to him, beaming.

When he sees me, he paints a smile on his face. “I should have known you would not stay behind with the others.”

“I can be very patient,” I answer him, “but not today. I couldn’t find the courage to wait for the songs that will be made of this battle.” He laughs, but it sounds faked and he realizes it when he notices I’m staring at his face. He doesn’t know whether I’ve heard the conversation or not, though, so I decide to play dumb. “Have you seen Loki anywhere? Sif told me she had seen him.”

“And I believed you were looking for me!” he jests. “I am deeply sorry, my dear Sigyn, but Loki very rarely joins the after-battle merriment. To be fair to him, he was a little injured.” I feel my smile fade away and my eyes turn hard. “Take no alarm, it is a mere scratch. It has nothing in common with last time.”

“I should hope so,” I growl.

I’m so intent on keeping the lid on everything that Thor’s laugh doesn’t make me jump. “Oh, no! _Balder_ should hope so! You don’t remember it but you knocked him senseless that day Loki was hurt.” I force a contrite smile up to my face.

I decide to allow Loki some time to calm down on his own before going after him and engage in idle chatting with the two brothers who don’t know they are brothers, when all of a sudden Odin marches in on our gathering, Sif close on his heels, glaring at the King from behind a mask of meek respect.

He nods salute to me but immediately turns to Thor. “Why was your brother standing _alone_ on the very edge of the Rainbow Bridge?” My hands become clammy as no one answers. “I see,” he says. “What happened?” Balder’s eyes drop the floor, Sif shuffles her feet and Thor winces. I’m the only one to hold his gaze, intent on letting him understand I am not feeling guilty of anything. This is not my fault.

“Where is he now?” I ask quietly.

“I bade him walk back inside, and he complied,” Odin says

“May I suggest that you talk to him, Allfather?” Balder barely whispers his words, but I have to give him credit for daring. Even if being nice will not improve his relationship with Loki.

“No, I should go,” Thor says intently.

 _Yeah, as if anything you ever said made it right._ Odin stares at me again, but I just smile. I won’t step in and say that I’ll go, that it’s my duty or something. Really, who does he think I am? I revel in how they’re painfully concealing that they’re waiting for me to speak, probably believing that I’m not good to Loki. But they don’t know that the best comfort I can bring him is a detailed account of their present embarrassment. They will never understand the satisfaction in his eyes when I tell him. So I straighten my back and barely repress the smile as expectant eyes turn to me. “So, shouldn’t we get ready for tonight’s celebration? It will no doubt be an exceptional feast.”

Odin clenches his fist and walks away, hurrying to get as far from us as possible. The others eventually follow, but Thor catches my arm. “Something is amiss with Loki.” _Oh, really?_ I arch an eyebrow and wait for the rest. “It is worse than usual. During the battle, he wasn’t… he wasn’t like himself. His thoughts were clearly elsewhere. The others teased him with jests about him being distracted because of you, but it was something else. No offense meant,” he adds hastily.

“None taken. Did it start before the battle?”

Thor nods. “I’m afraid there was an… incident a few hours before we attacked. I thought I’d warn you.”

I laugh joylessly. “You didn’t really need to, but thanks anyway.”

He closes his eyes as if in pain. “How much do you know?” he asks.

“Certainly not everything, but far too much already. Tell me,” I command.

He stares into the distance, frowning to hide his discomfort. “Repeating these words cost me more than you can fathom, lady Sigyn.” He shoots me a pleading look, silently asking me not to make him say more. I stare back, as hard and inflexible as Loki can be. Thor sighs. “Someone, one of our best captains, made a remark concerning the way Loki always escaped the consequences of his actions.”

“What remark?” The words slash out of me and my tone seems to hit him in the face.

“He expressed the troops’ discontent at having had to help saving my brother’s life. He even hinted at his preference for an outcome where Loki would not survive battle.”

“Loki is proud, but he doesn’t care about what mere soldiers think.” _Well, I hope he doesn’t._ “He could pretend being ashamed of his crimes for years that people wouldn’t change their minds anyway.”

“That’s not what made him so distracted. Loki was in control, as always, until someone said it would perhaps be easier to let him die on the battlefield, to relieve the Allfather of this responsibility. My father heard this, and he had to intervene. We were at the verge of battle. In any other circumstance, the soldiers would have been punished, but we couldn’t afford losing anyone at this moment. Odin renewed the promise that Loki would answer for his actions on Earth, and called for calm.” He sighs. “You’ve heard the rest, Sif, Balder, all the others urging Loki to prove his regrets are real.”

There’s a quiet hum in my head, black thoughts of murder pulsing through my mind. “Did the distraction cause him to be hurt?”

“I… I cannot tell. As far as I understood it, he tried casting a new spell, the details of which I’d be at a loss to explain, and something failed somewhere. But Loki rarely suffers any injury that he hasn’t carefully predicted, and even then it would be only if it was absolutely necessary for winning. Which wasn’t the case in this battle,” he adds in a mutter.

“Then it was their fault.” I’m not sure Thor heard me, though.

“What are your intentions now?” I look at him, the great, powerful thunder god with his hammer and his strength and his secret dreams of power. Loki would be pleased; at the very least someone seems to fear me. “Don’t be too harsh on them,” he pleads. “They are only trying to do what they think is good. I am unable to make them realize that the more they try to help, the worst it will become.”

I think this is the first genuine smile I give him. Maybe he has understood something, then, and he seems to struggle with that truth. “Thor, can I count on your loyalty to your brother?”

“Always, my lady. But if he persists in his disdainful, stubborn attitude –” his shoulders slump a little. “I fear he might go too far.”

“We both know he’s already been too far, and you still forgave him,” I point out.

“I couldn’t find it in me not to. He’s my brother. I must protect the world, and himself, from his madness.”

“You can’t.” I place a soothing hand on his large forearm. “There’s nothing you can do anyway,” I whisper. “Nothing any of us can do.”

“Even you?” He sounds like a lost boy.

“Certainly not me.” I’m not sure whether he understands or not, but he nods. I leave him there and go straight to my apartments. There will be no feast for me tonight.

 

***

When I walk into our rooms, I notice that Loki has discarded any hint that he was in a battle. He’s hunched in an armchair, which is highly unusual; I’m the one to curl up in these seats. I barely take enough time to clasp my headband on. He tenses up when he feels me approaching, and I stop just in front of him, arms crossed.

“Leave and join the festivities,” he mutters without looking up. We can already hear music coming up from the dining hall, a soft waterfall of chords cushioning a woman’s voice, but I don’t even bother trying to understand the words.

“No,” I say softly. I perch on the arm of the chair to face him, folding one leg under the other. He waits for another minute before straightening up and leaning his head backwards. I try with all my might but I can’t prevent the seething when I see the deep gash on his cheek, blood already crusting in little brownish flakes. “Does it hurt?” I whisper.

He half shrugs. I consider him, his eyes resolutely shut as if he refused to see me, and I yield to the impulse. I’m going to forget thinking and just do what I want. I hold out my hand and brush the side of his face, staying far from the wound. He doesn’t react and remains silent. The woman’s voice downstairs is growing louder and more intent with every minute. Eventually, he shudders. “My soldiers…” He pauses abruptly.

“I know. Thor told me.”

His lips tighten briefly before he opens his eyes and stares at me. “I… You…” He bites his lower lip. “I have to obey; I must leave Asgard and face those… people again. And they will judge me!”

“You don’t have to talk about it at all, but I can’t understand why you have to obey this order. The others heard, so what?”

“Eileen, I’ve pushed this too far, we both know it. Odin’s patience has grown thin, and he might lose the respect and obedience of his soldiers. If I don’t comply this time, he will resort to word power and _make_ me. And this I cannot accept.”

Word-power. One of Odin’s many privileges and abilities… It wasn’t enough to be the King, to have knowledge of all the existing iterations, he had to take another step and force his will onto the world. When he uses this power, everything, material or spiritual, animal or Aesir, leaf or human, simply complies. If he decides on something, it will happen. Not because if it doesn’t, there will be retaliation of any sort, but simply because there is no other possible way. He commands, the world obeys. I sigh and try to reach for Loki again. “And don’t believe you will be of any help,” he snaps.

I give a quick laugh. “I know you’re trying to make me angry, but I’m not leaving, so don’t even think you can do that now.”

He almost begins to smile. “I thought I’d heard you say that you would never be the comforting shoulder I can cry on when I’ve been vexed.”

“I didn’t dream you listened so carefully to what I have to say.” He doesn’t answer and I take hold of my sleeve to start wiping some of the blood from his face. He closes his eyes again. “Tell me if it hurts.” I get no reaction. “I have no idea what I’m doing, right now. I have no idea what you might need. But I don’t see you crying on my shoulder, so I can’t fathom why you’re bringing that up.” He continues saying nothing and I continue my clumsy attempts at cleaning the cut. “I’ll make them pay, Loki. I swear I will.” He’s still silent and, it seems, completely beyond my reach, but I don’t care. He has to know. “You will go to Earth, but they will regret it dearly. We will make them pay, we will make all of Asgard regret wishing you went there, and your father will curse the day he commanded you to obey.” I close my eyes. “I can’t tell you how yet, but it will happen.” The song filling the entire Palace is beautiful. I guess it’s a song celebrating the glory of battle, but it has a melancholy to it that doesn’t quite match the atmosphere. Maybe homage to the fallen, before anyone is too drunk to even remember war is dirty. I open my eyes again. Loki’s respiration is even and I hope he has fallen asleep. “Again,” I whisper, pushing a lock of hair from his face, “I have no idea what you need of me. And yet you can be sure I will find a way to give it to you.”

I get up as gently as I can but he tenses up. I look up; his eyes are still closed. “Stay,” he just says. I climb on the chair to curl up on his knees. He closes his arms around me, linking his hands to keep me from falling. Then he opens his eyes and looks at me, allowing what I’ve learnt to recognize as silent thankfulness to seep between the cold shards of anger and bitterness. The twinge in my throat borders on pain as a strange, violent emotion fills me and overrides any other perception of the song, the wind, the anger.

I rest my head in the fold of his neck and take a deep breath to detach every syllable. “I love you, Loki. I love you. Never forget it.” He doesn’t say a single word. The song lasts for a long, long time, but we stay where we are even after it has reached its end.

 


	6. Earth

The strap of my bra is digging into my flesh and it hurts. I slide a finger under my spotless cream blouse to set it straight, but I probably hooked it wrong when I got dressed. I give this morning’s first irritated sigh; I’ll have to take the time to take care of that annoying detail or I won’t be able to concentrate on anything else, and I can’t afford this today. I shiver. It’s cold here, it’s always cold. One could have thought that the basement of this century’s tycoon in sustainable energy would be nice and warm, but well, everyone knows that Stark was always reluctant to letting this compound be installed under his precious tower. Not that it makes any difference to me now, but I hate being cold, for some reason. I smile at my reflection in the lift’s mirror. Loki’s right, I’m getting used to Asgard too much, and even if over the next few weeks I’ll find solace in the fact that I’m eventually going to help Loki get even with humans, I’m starting to feel uncomfortable on my planet of origin.

But then, it probably has to do with the fact that I’m nobility on Asgard. Not here. Here, I’m Ms E. V. Weaver, the badge says. I’m an employee in the communications department, and we strive night and day to avoid Public Relations disasters every time a hero or another blows up something in a city. Which is often. I managed to make myself assigned to the Avengers team, thanks to Thor and to a heap of lies.

The lift comes to a stop and I step out to reach a meeting room, the only one in this whole building where Fury managed to stop Stark from hiding bugs, plastering a smile on my face. “Good morning!”

“Good morning, Ms Weaver,” an anonymous agent says.

“You look exhausted, Eileen!” I freeze. _He_ is here. Of course he is. “Do you spend your holiday nights as wide awake as your working nights?”

I wheel around. “Of course I do, but not for the reasons you seem to be implying, Stark.” We engage in a short grinning contest until I speak. “I quite simply couldn’t sleep after getting the emergency call yesterday. I was worried something had happened.”

“You were worried you might have lost your job.”

“Am I so transparent, then?” It’s a little early for that, but it’s fun.

He laughs. “So, where did you spend your few weeks off?”

“A cousin of mine has a house on the Côte-d’Azur.”

“Ah, yes, the French side of your family. Champagne and foie gras… this place always makes me feel like I’m on another planet entirely.”

“I understand what you mean. I don’t go there half as often as I would like, and when I am I wish I could stay there forever.” I smile. Thankfully, Thor isn’t anywhere around, or he would have been constantly glancing at me, trying to change the topic for fear the conversation might go out of control and everyone discovered I wasn’t even remotely close to France. He still hasn’t understood that his brother or I almost never let a conversation out of our control. Or if we do, it’s just for the thrill of catching it back a moment later. “In any case,” Stark is saying, “I stayed up for good reasons. There are news, as far as I know, but no-one actually bothered telling me what.”

“Have you spent _your_ nights trying to guess? Hacking into Fury’s alarm clock, maybe?”

He gives me what I call the sulky billionaire look before starting on a list of all the reasons we might be here. I don’t listen; I know why we’re here. “But I didn’t know you were coming, and that rules out any meeting about a probable threat we’ll have to face next. There hasn’t been a fight yet, we’ll only need your department after we’ve made our mess. So unless he wants a draft to cover for the unknown, he wouldn’t have called little E back from Europe.”

“I really hope so. Honestly, if he has flown me in for that he can go fuck himself. I can write stories from the beach in Cannes. They _do_ have the internet over there, you know.”

Stark laughs and gets up from his chair. “The thing is, you usually work with a team, don’t you?” I nod. “But I was told that the entire communication department had been reorganized last week.” He pours himself a glass of water and stares at me. I tilt my head to the side and wait for the rest. “Oh, don’t bother hiding that look on your face, miss smarty pants, I can tell they left you out of the secret.” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This wasn’t planned. Ok, so someone is going to have to answer for that.

I grimace and get up too. “Oh, if they’re changing my position, I’ll have to work with new people. I hate that. God knows it takes me time to adjust to unfamiliar idiots.”

I draw closer to Stark and he hands me a mug full of coffee. “Here you are. It isn’t tea, your Majesty, but it might just help you cope with the news.” He laughs some more and saunters away. I sip; this is good stuff. And it’s warm. I should take coffee back to Asgard, why did I never think about it?

“Who are we waiting for?” I ask.

“The big boss, apparently. Do any of you happen to know why we were called in?” Stark asks the agents waiting with us.

“No, but Director Fury seemed too happy for any of our enemies’ good. And he was talking to Thor not a minute ago.”

“Thor?” I play surprise to hide the thrill of expectation in my voice and turn my back to the door when I see shadows behind it. We’re getting there. “I hope they won’t keep us waiting too long. I’m still wondering why I’m apparently not part of the com department anymore.”

“Because we need you for something else entirely, agent Weaver,” Fury’s calm voice answers. “You will have sole responsibility in this mission.”

Oh – gods – yes. It worked. I whirl around and force a smile. “Good morning, Director. Are you still trying to make me an agent overnight?”

“I expect you to behave like one.”

“I don’t know why you’re so afraid that I might disobey your orders. Don’t you trust me?”

“I trust no one in this room, and believe me when I say that I would never dream of appointing an untrained element unless it was absolutely necessary.”

 _I could knock out half the people in this room, idiot_. “I am… flattered by the attention you bestow on me. Or I will be when I get more information about what could make me, the untrained civilian, so necessary to a mission that you overlook my utter uselessness at whatever it is you look for in an efficient member of this proud organization.” I can see Stark and another security agent trying not to laugh. Good. At the very least I’m lifting the mood.

Fury makes us sit down before taking a deep breath. “We’re about to deal with an unprecedented situation –”

“Aren’t they all?” Stark whispers into my ear. I pinch my lips and chuckle silently.

“A situation that will require every one to remain as calm and detached as possible. Agent Weaver, you’re going to manage communication between the agency and someone who did us so much harm that I can’t trust anyone else but you to behave with the appropriate distance.” I paint puzzlement on my face. I’m enjoying this so much. I’ve always experienced intense satisfaction when things go according to the plan, but this is even better.

Stark is now sitting upright on his chair. “Are you saying that –”

“Please, Mr Stark, allow me,” Thor says. He walks into the room with a wide smile, his entire being completely out of context. But I’m too excited to laugh. He nods a general salute and even manages to keep a straight face when he looks at me. Maybe all hope isn’t lost for him, after all. “My friends, you've probably understood it already so I will not keep you waiting any longer; I have convinced my brother to accept facing your justice. I am here to prepare his arrival.”

This is it. I smile at Thor. I smile at the walls. I smile at all of them, congratulating one another, looking happy, or so happy. _Cheer, my darlings, cheer all you want, smile and be happy, let the sense of fairness flood your brain. The louder you applaud, the worst it will be for you._

“Does she know who we’re talking about?” Thor asks, frowning at me.

“I’m sure she does.” Stark grins at no one in particular. “She watched all the footage and read all the files when she arrived.”

I arch an eyebrow. “I actually did so when I was told what sort of PR I was supposed to work in. Aliens, superpowers, gods from outer space… Anyone else would have done the same.”    

“You spent three days without eating, complained that the videos were too slow and turned into a caffeine storage unit before breaking down and yelling it was a ‘bloody disgrace’, I’m quoting you, that the files from the fifties hadn’t been digitalized yet? I don’t think anyone else would have done the same, E.” I shrug. Information hoarding and occasional mania have become a recurrent joke among S.H.I.E.L.D personnel. It’s mainly a very useful excuse allowing me to try and gather every available data, and causing Director Fury to hate my guts. “Don’t worry, Thor. Ms Weaver knows everything there is to know about your brother.”

I turn to Fury. “And that triggers a question, Director. What am I supposed to do with him? I don’t think you want me to do the usual press managing, or I would have a team.” I get only silence. I look around and wait. More silence.

“Ok,” Stark says. “I suppose she will get all the info she needs once we’ve left this room.” Fury smiles. “Because compartmentalizing worked so well last time, didn’t it?” The smile dies. “And when will our guest/prisoner/former nemesis arrive? I haven’t seen any supernatural prison cell around.” He actually has a point there. I hope we won’t have to travel to some other place.

“Because there won’t be any,” Thor answers.

“I’m sorry, what? I didn’t hear that.” Stark proceeds to act like a deaf old man for a few seconds. “You have to forgive me; I have a sort of device that prevents me from registering bullshit.” He shakes his head and blinks repeatedly.

“Oh, please stop it,” I tell him. “What exactly does Thor mean? Loki won’t be held prisoner?”

“He will,” Fury explains, “but in a cell no different from the others. We don't have time to build another high security jail that will fail to contain him anyway. Plus, I have come to understand that a special treatment would actually flatter him instead of scaring or humiliating him.” I swallow nervously. I’m still not sure this is good or bad for us, but I hadn’t expected it.

Stark laughs joylessly. “I’m not sure what’s the worst here; that someone tried to psychoanalyse Loki or that you trust the conclusions.”

“I have every reason to make this decision. Mr Stark, please follow me to said room and you’ll see that I am not completely out of my mind. Thor and Weaver have information to share.” I nod and eye the two men as they walk out, escorted by two armed guards.

We don’t speak immediately, Thor looking everywhere except at me, poking the memory foam covering the chairs. I clear my throat once or twice but he pretends he doesn’t hear me. “We will have to check that cell,” I eventually tell him. He nods agreement but doesn’t answer. “There’s something fishy about all this, don’t you think?”

This time he turns his head to me. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Something’s wrong, I couldn’t tell you what. Are you absolutely positive Fury doesn’t know I’m the mortal that was kidnapped by Loki?”

“None of the members of the organization even knew you were abducted to Asgard. There was only one occurrence when they could have seen you, when you were among the crowd at the welcoming feast, and your appearance was… different. Why are you so suspicious all of a sudden?”

“I told you that I didn’t know for sure. Don’t you think everything was far too easy for it to be normal? This is a trap, Thor, and an evident one as well. They suspect we’re in on something and are luring you, luring us into thinking we’ve fooled them. It wouldn’t be the first time they do that.”

I get up and start pacing. I have to adjust to that situation. It’s dangerous. Far more dangerous than planned. I breathe deeply and Thor draws closer. “You seem restless.”

Doesn’t he realize? “We’ll have to be extremely careful!”

“And we will be. You worry too much, Eileen Weaver.” He places a brotherly tap on my head and I scowl at him.        

“I don’t think I do. They want to trap us; I’m not making it easy for them.”

“You really don’t trust them, don’t you?”

“I trust no one.”

“Not even Loki?”

I smile at him. “Not even you.”


	7. Spies and spiders

When Fury comes back, alone, he frowns at how Thor and I are ignoring each other. I lift my head from the report I was reading and put the files down. “Ok, let’s go straight to the point. Our friend here basically described my new assignment as me being some sort of messenger in between his crazy brother and this crazy agency. What exactly does it mean?”

“It means that we’ve decided we needed someone who would take care of the press relation around the prisoner until the trial is over. We want total mastery of the information the public will get, but to narrow Loki’s influence I refuse to allocate more than one person to the case.” He pauses and takes a seat. “And that person would be you.”

All the little ‘TRAP’ lights and alarms suddenly going off in my head are blurring my concentration. “Ok.” I swallow. “Are you trying to kill me, sir?”

“Absolutely not. If I’d wanted you dead, your ashes would already be dispersed over the ocean.”

“Make that the Vale of York, please, sir,” I snap back. Hell, I have to know why he’s giving me the opportunity to betray them so easily. “How can you ensure that I won’t die, or be injured?” Fury looks at Thor. “Oh, please.” I get up and run my hand in my hair, playing nervous. I don’t have to play that much, though. “Don’t tell me he gave you his word or something.”

“As a matter of fact, he did.”

I study the both of them. “You do realize that I’m going to spend quite a lot of time with him, as far as I understood. He’s a war criminal from outer space, probably the most dangerous individual I’ll ever meet –”

Fury holds a hand up to interrupt me. “I would have thought you’d be thrilled. You would be under the direct orders of our head of communications. You now _are_ public relations for Loki.”

I close my mouth as if vexed. Open it again. Sigh. “I… I am thrilled.” I rub my fingers over my lips. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to stay alive.” How can I make him speak, for Christ’s sake? “How do you know it’s not a trick? I’ve seen how he works, he’s certainly lying just so you drop your guard!” Ok, so why exactly am I blatantly busting out our plan? I have to calm down. And stop drinking that goddamn coffee. I slam the mug down on the table. “What I mean is that I might die the very moment I set foot in that cell. How do you know it’s not going to happen?”

Thor looks at me. “Because there will be no forgiveness for him if he does.” I frown. Is he getting good at double entendre? I could swear this sentence was also intended for me.

But Fury doesn’t leave me time to ponder that. “Ms Weaver, our agreement with Asgardian security is that if he tries something against you, it means he breaks the agreement we have and we’re entitled to use any means to neutralize him. His father authorized us.”

I freeze and break the situation into fragments to assess it more easily. So Asgard was suspecting Loki and I would plot something. They knew, and instead of preventing us from doing so they told S.H.I.E.L.D. they wanted to catch him red-handed, and Fury found this perfect opportunity to get rid of me. My teeth clench and I swallow. They want to play that game? Fine by me. I nod calmly. “I understand that. But I thought these guys were immune to our weapons? If he does attack me, all the guns in the world won’t protect my life.”

Thor clears his throat. “I will stand ready to interpose in case anything happened.”

What. The. Actual. Hell? “Does that mean you won’t be going back to Asgard?”

“No, I’m not. I’m staying here with Loki.”

 _Okay..._ Under Thor’s constant surveillance, Odin probably expects… My brain starts whirring. We are prisoners here. They think they’ve cornered us. I know my face is still a mask, but I can feel my fingers twitching dangerously. “So I will be safe. Sort of. Almost. If I don’t die before Thor gets inside the cell.”

Fury smiles. There has to be something with one-eyed authority figures that gets on my nerves, because I want to punch him in the face for trying to counter our plans. “It’s a necessary evil, Weaver,” he says.

I sit down again. “So this is my other question. Why me? I’m no psychiatrist, to decode the intricacies of the prisoner’s mind.”

“Because of your background and previous experience, we believe you are the perfect person to manage that kind of situation. You’ve dealt with many a liar in the past, and you resisted.”

“Please. You have hundreds of diplomats, doctors, experts in press relations. Just tell me already that nobody wanted to do it and that I’m your last chance.” He frowns harder. Oh, good, he wants me to believe this. _I know very well you didn’t ask anyone else._ Lies within lies within lies. We’ll end up with throwing the truth at each other’s faces and not believing it, at this rate. “I bet none of these trained agents were ready to take the risk, so you thought flattering me would work. And I am, somehow... expendable. It wouldn’t matter that much if I died.” He says nothing. “Because it is an extremely risky thing you’re asking from me, sir. What makes you think I’m going to accept?”

“Maybe we’ll allow you to make a story out of it, Weaver. Can you imagine it? The writer and the alien terrorist…”

I stare at him in silence. Get up. Pace a little. Sit down again. “You know how to throw bait, sir.”

He seems amused. “Well, there’s no way I can convince you by saying you are our only hope, you’re not loyal enough.”

I take my time to answer. “So you really think he won’t hurt me?” It’s a sane reaction, after all. Wanting to stay alive is a good reason not to jump on the opportunity.

“Not exactly,” Thor answers. “But he knows the risk he’s taking if he does.”

“I’m sorry if that offends you, but as far as I understood he didn’t seem very good at evaluating risk.”

Fury seems to have had enough and he gets up suddenly. “If you don’t want that mission, Weaver, just say so. But be certain that we have covered every risk and possible outcome to the situation. And I mean every single one.”

I don’t lower my eyes. He’s daring me to try. He’s clearly beckoning me to complete my scheme, even if he probably only has a very vague idea of what it is. He wants to let me go through with it and then expose me. Ok. Bring it on. I smile; I just need to be sure about one last thing. “I think you’ve overlooked a tiny detail.”

“Which detail?”

“I will spend hours, days, weeks, talking to Loki. Alone. What if he convinces me? What if he turns me around and I join his side?” _I want to know how much you know._ “Don’t tell me you trust me not to, I won’t believe you.”

Fury smiles again. His eye doesn’t tune in. Well, mine didn’t either, after all. “It’s not that I trust _you_. I trust your intelligence. You know better than choose the loser’s side.” _Don’t call my Loki the loser, please. That’s not a good way to ensure your survival._ “I think you like power too much to do something as stupid as defecting to Loki. You’re too smart for that. And anyway, if you did, we’ll find out immediately.” _Oh, really? Trying to scare me with a few little hidden cameras and a glare?_ I nod. “So,” he adds. “Are you ready to take the risk? Do you think you’re good enough, strong enough to take on that mission, Weaver?”

I look at my hands, then I lift my eyes towards Thor, then to Fury’s face. I let a flicker of pride gleam inside my pupils. He must still think he can manipulate me with flattery. “I’ll do it.” Fury’s shoulders seem to relax. “But I want a pay rise.”

That’s when Stark bursts inside the room with a grin. “Exactly the conditions I should ask for. Sorry, guys,” he says when he spots the look on Fury’s face. “I couldn’t help it. I just _had_ to know.” His eyes fall on my smile. _They all want to trap the Weaver,_ I can’t help thinking. _Shall I remind them what happens when you let a spider out of your sight for a split second?_ There’s no denying it... I _have_ turned into Loki’s latest weapon.

 

***

 

The cubicle in which Loki is confined is overcrowded right now, they’ve all gathered here to see the prisoner. Loki’s eyes are slowly sweeping over every detail and I can almost hear the question bouncing in his mind, ‘What is Fury playing at?’ but I didn’t have the chance to warn him about their idea of trapping us by allowing him to set a trap. Wow. Does that even make sense? Fury observes Loki, trying to glimpse the faintest reaction as the so-called prisoner looks at each and every one of us, and I can’t help being relieved once the ice blue gaze has brushed past me as if I was a chair.

“So,” I say softly. “That’s him. For real.”

Fury clears his throat. “Loki, this is Agent Eileen Weaver. She will be the intermediate we had agreed upon.” I nod as his eyes fall on me. His only reaction is a slight rising of his eyebrows. I repress a smile.

Stark nudges my arm. “Not too scared, mediatrix?”

“I’m not that easily impressed,” I snap back. Loki rolls up his eyes and scoffs.

“Don’t be over confident. Even if he we were assured he would not have any of his creepy powers anymore, you can never know.”

“I won’t overlook your warnings, don’t worry.”

Loki performs his hard smile again. “Be reassured. This time, my current state of captivity is not of my own doing.”

“Really? We were told that you had agreed to the arrangement.” Fury frowns.

“You were lied to. You will soon find that I am far from being the only one who takes pleasure in distorting reality.” Just shut up, darling. Please.

“Well,” Fury states with a grin, “at the very least you didn’t have time to make sure you had friends ready to attack the agency, did you?”

“Or an army,” I add, mostly to prevent Loki from showing off and hinting at attacking. We don’t need that now.

He considers me for a few seconds, painting a question on his face. “You seem well informed,” he whispers.

“More than you think.” I hope he gets it. _They think they’ve cornered us, they think they’ve cornered us, they think they’ve cornered us._

He frowns. “Forewarned is forearmed, little Weaver?”

Idiot. I don’t dare turn to Thor. “ _Ms_ Weaver, if you don’t mind.”

He bows his head. “As you wish.” He should have waited. It is funny, we’d planned on playing that one, but it’s too early, and the situation has changed. It could have spoiled everything. I wasn’t entirely joking when I said that he didn’t evaluate risk very well.

“Be careful, Loki,” Stark is explaining. “She doesn’t look like it but she’s a tough one.”

“I don’t doubt it a second,” he answers in a voice that would win the Most Doubtful Tone Contest.

“This time you don’t have a single thing you can use against her.”

“And you won’t get any,” I add.

Loki stares at me and doesn’t lower his eyes.

Oh, hi there, awkwardly contained tension.

Fury leans in towards me. “Do you understand why I can’t allow him to speak to anyone else? He gathered so much information on all of us last time, it’s too dangerous.”

 _Oh, shut up now_. “You don’t need to convince me anymore, I’ve accepted the mission. But I’m warning you, I really, really want to be allowed to make a story out of it. It’s the least you can offer me.” Fury nods and leaves.

“Make a story,” Stark chuckles. “Is that all you ever think about?”

“Actually, yes. It started when I was barely fourteen.” I’m still observing Loki as his brother takes his handcuffs off. He rubs his wrists and leans on the wall, eyeing Thor, Stark and me, one after the other.

“I think many a member of this agency would sell their families to hear some of these stories, E.”

“Most are extremely boring, to be honest.”

“And others are worth listening to you tell them. Teenage Eileen Weaver; that must have been something.”

Loki freezes for a second and then sits on the narrow bed.

“Oh, you can’t even imagine,” I say quietly.

“I wish I could.”

I let out a brittle laugh. Loki yawns and closes his eyes. I stop staring at him. “But we’re not here to talk about my wild teenage years, Mr Stark. Why don’t I go back to what I’m actually supposed to do, that is to say manage that nutter’s image? Oh, sorry, Thor, your brother’s image.”

“Adoptive brother,” Loki corrects me without even opening an eyelid.

“Ok, I’m leaving,” Stark says. “I was just curious about what story you were going to invent. From what I just heard, you’d score a big one with the hopeless struggle for parental validation.” These specific words trigger a reaction on Loki’s part and as his jaw clenches I try to absorb the taunt in his place.

“Hm, some subjects are more sensitive than others, apparently,” Stark sneers.

Ok, enough is enough. I smile. “If I decide to follow that suggestion, I’ll ask you to stay. I might just need your experience on the matter.” Stark’s eyes turn hard for a second as he looks away from my face.

Loki is smiling. “I have just grasped the full meaning of your warning against this delicious lady, Mr Stark,” he says.

“Well… Can’t say I wasn’t worried at first, but I think you’ll handle that mission well, Weaver,” the genius billionaire says in a cold voice. “And you do have a bodyguard.” He points at Thor before walking away. Thor hesitates for a second, but since he has nothing to say he eventually leaves too.

Loki doesn’t wait for the door to close. “So, Ms Weaver, you don’t seem afraid of me.”

I know that six people, give or take, are listening right now, trying to hear as much as possible before the door slides closed so they can comment on my ‘first’ private talk with Loki. “You won’t make me lie to you. I am afraid.”

“That’s not what you said earlier.”

“I believe I said I wasn’t impressed. It’s another sentiment entirely.”

The door closes and the lock clicks. That’s it. We’re alone together again. But Loki doesn’t move. “If that’s of any value to you,” he says, “I can disguise what is happening in this room for a short time, but I can’t risk the Allfather detecting me.”

“I’ve already looked into that, and I will find a more effective, yet human, way to conceal our conversations and actions in this cell. I knew I could trust you for the first meeting.” I actually didn’t, but I most certainly won’t tell him.

He frowns. “Then what are you waiting for?”

 _Oh, that’s what’s bugging you, then_. He reaches a hand out to touch my cheek, but I catch his wrist before. I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. But, as usual, the urge to mess with him is stronger than anything else. “What I was waiting for?”

I trace the shadow of worry on his face, but it soon turns to irritation. “What are you playing at?”

I crush his wrist harder. “I’m not playing at anything. I’m Ms Weaver, and I behave as such.” Is that a hint of uncertainty in his eyes, or is it fear? He pulls his hand free and straightens up, narrowing his eyes. “On the other hand,” I add, before grasping the front of his clothes and pulling myself up to kiss him.

“Much, much better,” he whispers on my lips. He grins and hoists me up, linking his arms under my thighs so he has to look up at me, this time.

I smile and kiss him again. “Tell me, did I manage to scare you for a split second here?”

“Don’t overestimate your skills, little Weaver,” he sneers.

“As you wish.” As much as I like having the impression of being taller than he is, this is not a very comfortable way to be carried, so I slide down. “We have some serious talking to do,” I tell him.

He nods but doesn’t let go of me immediately, making his hands travel all over me. I can’t repress feeling satisfied, because that means he missed me; he always does that after we’ve been apart for what he deems too long a time, as if he wanted to reassert his knowledge of my body. “Did our plans go askew, or did I misinterpret your hidden warning?” he whispers in my ear.

I sigh and disentangle myself from his arms. He frowns but doesn’t protest as he spots the look on my face. I whirl around to grab a chair. “You didn’t misinterpret anything. There must have been a leak somewhere, because it was all way too easy. I didn’t even have to ask for the mission, as I had thought.”

He lies down on the bed before answering. “I’m not about to complain about it. If everything had all happened as planned, I would’ve had to talk to others.”

“You don’t understand. It means they wanted me here, and that’s not normal.”

“Don’t be too defiant, it would call attention on us.”

I scowl, but he’s staring at the ceiling. “I know what I have to do, thank you very much. The thing is, I’m not sure of what they know, who knows what, how they’ve discovered it, even if they’ve discovered anything or if they’re just instinctively suspicious when you’re around.”

He dismisses that with an unconcerned shrug, an attitude which fills me with apprehension. If he’s not careful enough, if he’s too confident, it might ruin the whole idea. “Has anything changed concerning what they want to do with me?”

“Yes. The trial is to be held in eight weeks’ time instead of two.”

Loki winces. “I didn’t know I had to wait for that long.”

“I told you, this was too easy. They mean to trap you, exhaust your patience so you make a mistake and reveal your intentions. We have to adapt and change our plans, I still don’t know how yet.”

“But…”

“Let me speak.” He doesn’t answer but pinches his lips. “I’m pretty confident that Fury doesn’t suspect I know you, but he wants me far from this Agency and found that tangling me in this situation would be an excellent way of getting rid of me. He’s sure you’ll lure me into helping you.”

“I would never even dream of doing that.”

“Oh, please. In any case, you still have to be prepared. They’re going to ask for meetings with you, despite all their speeches about me being the only mediator or whatever their excuse was. You will have to be careful. They want to make you angry, try to prove they’re good enough to resist you, clever enough to outwit you, maybe generous enough to forgive you. Don’t cave in to try and wretch every single soul that walks into this cell; that will _not_ help.” He snickers. “And be extra watchful around Barton. He just wants to hurt you. I’ve heard something about an arrow and your eye socket, and I would really hate to have to pay him back for that, it would become extremely unpleasant for everyone.”

Loki smiles. “Are you concerned about me, Eileen?” I don’t answer. “These people are nothing I can’t handle. Especially since the beast is nowhere to be seen. Do you know anything about that?” He stretches and folds his arms behind his head.

I sigh. He’s far too confident. “Why would they tell me?” I get up. “And I’m sorry, but I will have to at least pretend I’m doing my job and make them believe I’m reaching out to you. Things are expected of me.”

“Tedious.”

“It certainly will be if I have to _make_ you.”

He shakes his head. “I’m still puzzling over how you convinced me to do this.”

I sit on the edge of the bed and slide my thumb on the faint scarring left on his cheek. “I believe the description of Stark weeping at our feet did it.”

His hand darts out, fingers wrap around my neck, and he pulls me down for a kiss. “I suppose you’re right. And yet it seems impossible to make that new dream of mine come true. How will we do it now that all of them are even more defiant?”

 _I’m happy you asked…_ “But, Loki, my love, the whole idea now, since they want to catch us red-handed, is to let them taunt, tempt, entice us, hoping they will lose themselves into their own traps. Maybe they’ll accuse you without proof, attack you even, and we’ll just have to relax and watch the Allfather strike back, because he will.”

“You want to attract their attention with a pretty pattern and wait for them to get stuck, without forcing them into it?” He sits up and the way he looks at me makes me weak behind the knees.

“Exactly.”

“Then weave fast, little spider.” He’s kissing me before I can answer.


	8. Temper

“Identification required,” the door asks as I step in front of Loki’s cell. I’ve always wondered why these machines have such sensual voices.

“Weaver, zero zero eight.” The door unlocks and slides open.

“E. Weaver identified. Maximum clearance restricted to area Y.”

“I know that, thank you,” I answer under my breath, taking a step inside the room.

“You could knock.” Loki’s sitting at the table. He doesn’t turn around to greet me and I can only see his profile, but I can tell he’s having one of his moods. How things have changed over the past weeks... My visits have stopped pleasing him.

“You can hear the machine asking for ID from where you are, you knew I was coming in.”

“That’s hardly an excuse. Isn’t it enough that I have to stay under constant surveillance when you are not present in –“

“Oh, I’m sorry that breaking into the security programs to have the cameras put themselves on a loop whenever I give my code isn’t enough for your ungrateful highness... You’re a prisoner, remember? I’ve done my best there.”

He keeps silent for a few seconds. “You told me you would convince them to disable it.”

“I know, but did you really believe they would agree to that? And that they would have you here without keeping an eye on you? I didn’t think you were so naïve.”

“I am everything but naïve. I was merely pointing out one of the... numerous flaws in your plan.”

I shake my head. “Thanks for the effort, but I already knew about this one.”

He falls silent again. It’s been almost two whole months since we first arrived here, contended with the prospect of a new scheme, but everything is degrading rapidly as Loki’s patience wears thin. So thin my grandmother could have made a lace bonnet out of it. I observe his angry profile and decide to try and soften him. Being aggressive won’t get me anywhere today.

“I’m sorry, Loki, I know this isn’t easy for you, but –,”

“I’m not interested in your pity or your empathy, Eileen. Just tell me why you’ve come.”

I have to forcibly remind myself that I need to stay calm. “You know very well why I’m here.”

“How many times will I have to tell you, my dear, that I am not doing this?” The fake smile he adds to his haughty refusal would be enough to send me into a rage, but control is strong.

“Loki, you’re being unreasonable. Your attitude has become a threat to this entire operation.”

“A threat?” He eventually turns his head towards me and his smile widens. “I would never have seen myself as a threat before you thought of calling me so.” I feel my fists clenching. “You seem somehow irritated, my dear. Have something gone awry in your little plan?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, something has. You know how you pointed out a flaw in said plan, a few minutes ago? You’ve overlooked one, darling. Something is definitely not going according to plan. Someone, rather. You, Loki the Liesmith, are apparently bent on making our schemes fail.”

“Me?” He gets up from the chair and half-sits on the desk. “What have I done now?”

I know he’s trying to destabilize me, to make me angry before my public appearance in half an hour. I make a conscious effort to relax the knotted muscles in my shoulders and I give a dismissive toss of the head. “Enough games, Loki, I don’t have time for that. If you persist in your decision, if you refuse to accompany me to this press conference, it will only reinforce everyone’s suspicion that you’re going to prove uncooperative. And they will make the wait before the trial last even longer.”

“So you still believe a trial is going to happen... And you call me naïve.”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“Because these people are liars as much as we are, and it appears my loving father assisted them in this deception. I’m stranded here, for a long time, and your weak schemes will fail.”

I’m too slow to hide the doubt crossing my face, and he sees it, but now is not the time to discuss this. “We can’t be sure. But the plan is certainly not going to work if you don’t cooperate. We were supposed to work on this as a team, Loki. That’s when we’re stronger, that’s when we’re the best. Together, nothing can stop us.”

“At least you’re good at convincing yourself.”

“Loki, please, I need you to do this.”

He pauses to cast an incredulous look at my pleading face. “I am not going.” I open my mouth to speak again, but he’s quicker. “Arguing with me would be futile.”

My shoulders slump and I rub my hands on my tired eyes. “Did you even stop for a minute to think about the situation your stubbornness puts me in?”

“Your position? As you kindly reminded me not so long ago, I am the prisoner here, Eileen. You have the opportunity to walk out of this room, talk to others, and even go back to Asgard!”

I straighten up and pain settles in my spine again. “Who told you?”

“Thor. Who do you think?”

“I’m sure he didn’t just turn up to confess to you, I wanted to keep it a secret so you wouldn’t get angry. I had to go back, I’m still trying to understand why I was attacked.” _And I needed a break, however short, away from your temper, my love._ “You shouldn’t have pressed Thor.”

“I had to, he was lying to me.”

“Don’t you understand he’s the one we must keep on our side, no matter what? He’s our guarantee that we’ll return home once we’re finished here.”

He starts pacing the small room. “I don’t need anyone on my side.” _Control. Control._ “Not even you.”

Control is out of the window. “Oh, suit yourself. I might just as well leave you in here to wait it out, then. You can call for me when you’ve decided to carry our own plans to the end.” The dark energy fills my chest and I fell it crackling under my skin. I concentrate hard not to lose control, but Loki noticed.

“You would abandon me here? Stranded with the... mortals?”

The strain in his voice – menace or fear, I can’t be sure – helps me calm down. I reach out my hand to touch him. “You know I’d never do such a thing. But I need you to pretend just a little longer. We’ll get out of here soon, whether they lied or not, whether your father has a part in this or not. I swear I will free you, but please, please, Loki, come with me and play this part. You’d be shooting yourself in the foot if you didn’t, and this ordeal will last a little longer.” I glance at my wristwatch; it’s time. “We must go now.”

He smiles and shrugs my hand away. “I am not coming, Eileen. You’re good enough to do this without me. It was your idea, after all.”

I turn around without another word for him. The door opens and I walk out. “Weaver eight zero zero.” He knows this will enable the cameras again. I usually conveniently “forget” to pronounce the code when I leave, but this time I say it loudly, on purpose. I swear I can feel Loki’s glare on the back of my head.


	9. An army of mortals

So many faces, so many curious eyes, eager eyebrows and feral grins. I see each and every one of them, and I can remember them all. Or I could, if I needed to; the perks of being a goddess... Behind that stand is the last place I want to be, and for the hundredth time this week I hear a reproachful voice whisper inside my head that this entire revenge-over-the-humans idea was a terrible one and that I should perhaps stop having ideas altogether.

“Next question, please,” the blonde woman who was assigned to be my assistant calls. “Yes, Eyart.” _Oh no, not him again._ He’s been pressuring me with questions since this damned press conference started.

A slim man with thin blonde hair, almost white, gets up and clears his throat. I’ve always been wary when he was present at interviews. I don’t trust people with hair so thin and so light. Don’t ask why. “Ms Weaver, you still haven’t given us what we’re all here for: when will we get the opportunity to meet and ask questions to your infamous prisoner? Sorry,” he adds with a grin, “your guest?” I hear snickering in the crowd. Most of the journalists are smiling hungrily, so many alligators just waiting for the antelope to hop a little nearer the water and drink, unknowing of the danger ahead.

Except I am not an antelope. I am Sigyn, of Asgard, and even when I was still only Eileen Weaver I was never prey. Journalists back home used to fear me and wanted to befriend me to share the power I had; those under my gaze despise me. I can’t wait for the opportunity to underline how they should never have tried to trap us.

Damn, Loki _does_ have a terrible influence on me. I’ve always hated that sort of vexation, but he’s made me worse. To think I’m doing all of this for him... And he has now developed an attitude with me. That’s some reward for loyalty! I’ve never felt such an urge to go home, wherever that may be. My chambers in Asgard seem welcoming right now, despite killers prowling around the City waiting for the perfect moment to take care of the “Loki’s wife” problem. As I told him, I have to get us out of here, and to hell with his revenge. I’m not even sure he’s interested anymore.

“Ms Weaver? Would you like the question to be repeated?” And that girl. Jessica Smith. How could they think I wouldn't recognize an attempt at keeping an eye on me?

“No, thank you, Jess, I’ve heard it perfectly well.” They all know what I’m going to answer, but they must have confirmation... and my humiliation to feast on. “I’m deeply sorry to disappoint you all, but the war criminal Loki will not participate in any public appearance, nor will answer questions publicly.” My words trigger a chorus of protests, more or less faked according to how hard they believed the info that had leaked. “I know this is the exact contrary of what had been announced initially, but the competent authorities have made this decision to avoid risking any more lives. This individual has made enough victims, you all know it. We will not give him the opportunity to continue.” The worst is, I have tried my best to make him accept, despite the risk I was taking. But my dear Silvertongue decided to refuse, sulk, and let me deal with the mess.

“I can’t say that some of us didn’t expect it,” the journalist says. “We’ll have to continue asking our questions through the communication department of S.H.I.E.L.D., then? You will not be sleeping much, Ms Weaver,” he adds. _Control._ Attacking a mortal because he vexed me will not serve my purpose. “But I have something else on my mind, may I require a bit more of your time?”

Where is this going? “Please do, but this will be the last question.”

“Perfect. It is quite an important one. A source heard a rumour, and we would like to know S.H.I.E.L.D.’s position on it.” He waits for me to react, but I don’t. “Some people say that Loki was… under some sort of mental influence when he attacked our planet. That he wasn’t commanding the armies of monsters he arrived with, but was part of it. Does this mean that you’re all wasting your time and taxpayers’ money getting him to trial instead of dealing with the far more dangerous menace apparently lurking out there?” I instinctively clench my hands around the metallic sides of the stand. How the hell did this specific rumour leak? Even in the most secretive area of this place, only Thor and I whispered about it. This is starting to scare me a little; I’m losing control over the situation.

Yes, we have to go back to Asgard. As soon as possible; this revenge plan is not working out and we’re stuck here, and we’re in danger. I don’t want to stay stuck on Earth, playing humanity with S.H.I.E.L.D., waiting for someone to kill us.

I swallow and caress the golden rings at my fingers. I am Sigyn, wife of Loki, and we do not belong on this planet. Eyart eyes my embarrassment and steals a satisfied glance to his right. My left. And on my left, Stark is there, grinning. He’s been the first to suspect something was fishy about me, even if none of them have uncovered that I knew Loki a long time before I arrived in the US. He’s probably been feeding Eyart intel since this whole press scam was started. Screw you, Stark. I’ll wipe that grin off your face myself.

I see the new head of Communications whispering something to Jessica, then looking at me and mouthing me to not answer and end this disaster. “I’m sorry,” I state in a clear voice. “This matter is classified and cannot be addressed under such circumstances. This will be all for now, thank you for your attention.” I side-glance again towards my superior to check I didn’t make a mistake by saying this, but he nods curtly and signals me to get inside. I hop down the steps and ignore Jess’s alarmed glances as she takes up the stand. As I retreat inside the building, I can hear her trying to speak over the cacophony the journalists are now making.

Once we’ve walked past the lobby, Fury stampedes towards me. He’s visibly angry. “And what the hell does that mean, Ms Weaver?”

“I have no idea.”

“This rumour, this information… Even I only heard of it two days ago from Thor!” At least he doesn’t look angry at me. He’s worried about something else.

“Same here, sir.”

“Then how did that guy out there get hold of it?”

“It’s your job to discover it, not mine!” He glares at me. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. I didn’t even know Thor had revealed that theory to you until thirty seconds ago, let alone that it could have leaked. Someone is giving away data. It’s not the first time these guys know about something they shouldn’t. There’s a leak feeding them direct intel on Loki’s case, sir. And we need to find out who.”

He stops in front of the lift doors and examines my face, suspicion dripping from his angered features. “I wonder where we’ll find that answer.”

“Are you suspecting me? With all due respect, I suggest you ask Stark. He’s been against the entire operation since it started and looked far too pleased about the mayhem out there for you to ignore.”

“Do you think you’re the only one to have noticed? Don’t get ahead of yourself, Weaver. You’re not as good as you think. You clearly showed your unease and even fear, out there. And they didn’t buy your safety speech.”

“I warned you when you first mentioned these little gatherings: I’m no public speaker. I work in the shadows, out of everyone’s sight.”

“Not out of mine.”

 _Or so you think._ “I would never dream of it.”

He remains silent for a few seconds, staring at the little numbers indicating the lift has stopped a few floors above ours. “This theory… what do you make of it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was Loki acting of his own free will when he attacked us, or was he not?” I take a deep breath. Thor and I had decided to consider spreading this rumour to appease the tensions about Loki being held here. If that trial was going to happen, any public appearance of him would have been an unmanageable risk, Loki being who he is. But can you really plead alien influence to defend another alien? In any case, the god of thunder and I hadn’t been able to agree on how we should do it, and he was supposed to ask his father first. Apparently, he overlooked that part of the plan and acted on his own. Typical. Loki wasn’t the only one to disobey orders constantly… “Well?” Fury asks again, more and more irritated.

“It’s a valid theory, if that’s the question. It’s not implausible.”

“So he managed to make even you believe it?”

“Loki himself never mentioned such a thing, and even if it were true he’d never acknowledge it. He’s too proud to admit he was being manipulated. But… Thor did say that he should have died, and instead he was given technology and an army. You’ve seen the footage, he –“

“I’ve done better than ‘seeing the footage’,” he interrupts me. “We were _there_ , Ms Weaver.”

“So you must remember that he looked like a walking corpse. Even now, a prisoner, he looks… healthier. I’m no biologist, and I’m certainly no expert on alien physiology, but I’m pretty sure the shade of his complexion, last time he was there, wasn’t the best indication that he was… alive.”

“Bullshit.”

“Perhaps. But you know that there are a lot of fantasies around what happened during the attack. People can’t get enough of this specific theory, it has been circulating for a few weeks now.”

“I can’t allow it. It will mean compassion towards him.”

“There’s no going against it. It quite simply exists, sir. I’ve been monitoring his popularity, or lack thereof, and I’ve filed a report about his… fans, when was that? A few days after you announced his arrival here. The fascination they have for him was already great at that time, but now? He could walk out of here and gather an army.” That’s probably slightly exaggerated, but if it can worry them enough to send Loki back to his father, then I’ll go with it.

“And that’s precisely why we can’t have this rumour spreading! It looks like you’re helping him with this… army gathering.”

“I’m not.” An army of humans... the idea could be amusing. “But if you never make it clear that he’ll be entitled to a trial, public opinion is bound to accuse you, even more now that the rumour is out. I _am_ working for you, sir, and I’m giving you professional advice: if I had to write Loki’s story, that’s when I’d include you were stalling and keeping him prisoner longer than necessary. You do have proof of what he did. You can’t delay any longer. I’m no public speaker, as I said, but I know the public’s mind. And they’re starting to think you’re at fault. It’s already a terrible blow to this organization that such information leaked.” He answers nothing. I think harder, but I’m sure I’ve done my best to either hasten the trial or have him renounce the entire operation. If it works, we’ll be out of here very soon and maybe even have time to actually take revenge by having at least half the public root for Loki. Better than nothing.

The lift arrives and we stand in silence while a dozen employees scurry out. Once we’re alone again, Fury steps in but stops me when I want to join. “Ms Weaver, please tell Ms Smith to issue a statement explaining that this theory is unfounded and irrelevant to the case. I will see you later.”

“But… about the… trial?”

He sighs. “Eileen,” he starts. That’s not good, he never called me that before. “I thought you had understood it: there isn’t going to be a trial. It was only pretext. Loki is to remain a prisoner here, under our surveillance. He was judged and sentenced by his peers, and locking him away here, powerless, was the real agreement we had with the authorities on his world, the one we drew when we started exchanging men and technology.”

I feel my jaw clenching as I remember. How could I even forget? One of my initial schemes… now backfiring right in my face. Oh, Odin, you think you’re so clever. And making it all look like it was my idea, letting me convince Loki by promising him revenge. I must keep a blank face. “Then why hire me in the first place? Why go through the trouble of having the public know about him?”

“There was... Information leaked. For the first time since this operation was started, and it was before he even arrived.” He narrows his eye. “I assigned this mission to you because I had strong suspicions that you’d been the one selling intel on Loki, that you’d learnt it from Thor. You and him have always been too close for our own good. I wanted to keep you close, and this... promotion was a way to do so.” He smiles. “There were some to say you’d see through it. They were wrong.” _They weren’t._ “Don’t mistake me: this revelation doesn’t mean I’ve stopped doubting your loyalty. I still don’t trust you.”

“You trust no-one, but that’s hardly the point. I’m not that important. You’ve lied to _him;_ I really don’t think this was the smartest thing to do.”

“We weren’t the only ones to lie. You should talk to Thor about it.” Oh, I will, don’t worry. There will be a nice family gathering, before next week if I get to decide.

“I might just do that.”

“You’ll find him in his apartments. I have to leave the country for two days, but I’ll see you, Thor and the others Thursday at 0800 hours.”

“I’ll be there.” _Count on it._

Fury waves at someone. “Agent Smith!” I hear Jess’ answer but I don’t bother turning around. “You have a new assignment from now on. Weaver,” he continues, focussing a weary eye on my face again, “I want you to inform our prisoner that the trial will be delayed. I trust you not to mention anything else. And I want Smith to come with you so she can meet him.”

Anxiety wrings my stomach and I’m afraid I might be sick. “Meet him? What do you mean?”

“I’ve decided to have her assist you in every one of your tasks, including interfacing with the prisoner.”

“Unacceptable!” I straighten up and feel a strong urgency to command a guard to send him to the dungeons before remembering that I’m supposed to _take_ orders from him.

“This is not open to discussion. Considering how you failed to convince him of the necessity of his presence today, and how the press conference nearly escaped your control, I can only congratulate myself that I had planned on assigning Smith to be your assistant. The strain of the job _was_ too much for you, apparently.”

What is it with these people and their constant need to take each other’s place in my _he’s the first to die_ line? “Maybe so, sir. But for the record, I want to say that I strongly advised against it, for Jess’ own safety.”

“Objection noted, Weaver. Now let go of that door. We all have work to do.” I lift my hand from the elevator’s door. It closes swiftly on Fury’s smug smile.

There’s a moment of uneasy silence; I’m so concentrated on Jess and how to get rid of her right now that I can even hear her fidgeting with her cuticles. Too many things are making me angry, and I’m also somehow scared that they – whoever that may be – have eventually managed to trap us. There’s no visible way out of our situation: I can’t possibly imagine asking Loki to wait longer than a week, a fortnight at the best; none of my threats seem to have any incidence on our fate and now I’m stuck with this silly little woman who thinks she could be a match for me. And I was advised to go and see Thor to have everything explained. I don’t like it when things need explaining to me; I’d rather find out the explanation myself. But that’s a luxury I can’t quite afford right now, so the best thing to do, and why not after all, because them I know how to manipulate, the best thing to do is to go back home and speak to the Allfather and convince him to intervene and cancel that whole exchange. It’s not going to be easy, and I’ll have to trade something – a promise of some sort, perhaps service time... In any case, I’ll find a way. _What if he doesn’t want you back?_ a sly, scared little voice whispers. Then I’ll make him regret. I’ll destroy all of them, or die trying, and they will rue the day they imagined they could trap me. Jessica clears her throat, discreetly. I ignore her. Yes, I’ll follow the advice; I’ll go to Thor. I’ll go to Thor and talk him into helping me.

I turn to Jess as she’s making that throat noise again and she starts and doubles over in a fit of coughing. Some part of me knows I could laugh, that it’s funny, but the humorous aspect of the situation is of no importance at all. I have to find a way to be left alone while having her continue to think we’re on the same side. She’s probably been warned about me, and she’s not an idiot. But she’s not good enough...

“Listen, Jess, I’ve heard the orders, but I don’t need you now. You don’t know him like I do, and sincerely, telling him this news is not the best context to introduce you.”

“But...”

“I’ve told you, I heard the orders. I’ll take full responsibility for that, don’t worry. It’s for your own safety. I was with him just before the press conference, and he wasn’t in a good mood.”

“I can resist that, I have special training...”

“Special training? You don’t know what youre talking about. None of you know what you’re talking about. I know they’ve fought him, and defeated him, but that’s the whole point, how could they understand what’s happening in his mind? The answer is they don’t. They’ve hired me to do this specific job, and they had their reasons, even if they seem to have forgotten them today.” Jessica frowns. “Oh, they’ve certainly told you not to trust a single word coming out of my mouth, but you should listen to me this once. You don’t know what I’ve been through to get to know him and to earn his ear.”

Maybe because this is not a lie; _I had to die for it_ , something whispers in me; because somehow I deeply mean what I’m telling her, she seems to believe what I’ve just said.

“All right, ma’am. I’ll stay out of this one. But what should I do now?”

If I want a chance to discover who’s been a pain in my neck for the pas five weeks, now is the moment. “Can I trust you, Jess?”

“Of course.”

 _Well, even if I can’t, I’ll have my answer pretty soon._ “Try to find out who Eyart got his intel from. He got his hands on things that were more than classified. I want to know how. And whatever you discover, come to me before telling anybody.” _That way, if you’re not working for anyone else, I’ll get what I’m looking for, and if you are, you’ll have to lie to me. And I’ll know._ “If something happens to me... Tell Thor. No one else.”

“If something happens to you?”

“You can never know...”

She straightens up. “Do you believe one of our superiors might be involved?”

I’ll have to grant her one thing: if she’s playing a part, she’s doing her job properly. “It’s too early to tell.” I smile at her. “How about we discuss this later, Jess? When we have more information.”

Her smile widens. “Understood.”

She hurries away and I call for the lift again. I’m not sure whether I made an ally or just played along with someone’s trap, but as the saying goes, if you befriend an enemy, then he isn’t an enemy anymore.


	10. Don't forget who I am

What in the seven realms is Thor doing? He knows I’m still waiting just outside his goddamn door, it’s been fifteen minutes now since he told me he was busy and needed a few minutes. He must be discussing something with Fury, I can feel he is, and I’m disturbing him when he’s preparing plans to trap me and his brother. The anger and frustration are awakening a now familiar pulse of energy in my veins. I try concentrating on something else. I straighten up and look at my hands, trying to quiet the tremor that makes me look like I’m experiencing withdrawal symptoms of some sort. I start fidgeting with the three rings at my fingers. Their weight always reassures me; I just hope they won’t slip away and fall, because I’d hate to lose an Asgardian piece of precious jewellery in a corridor. It would serve me right, bringing dwarf gold rings with me instead of leaving them behind. Not that many people here noticed; ‘family heirloom,’ I told an agent who’d marvelled at how ancient they seemed.

Ok, so this worked for... forty seconds? I’ve never been so stressed out in my entire life, because even when clients lost it and threatened to kill me just because they could, I knew I always had a way out. Which I don’t have now, I can’t help remembering, except if I succeed in persuading Odin to change his mind and call us back. And if the humans resist, I’ll just have to betray my race of origin — again — for power and a few millenaries of life. I’ll find a way to force the great Odin to act like the warrior god he is. Whatever power Fury or soldiers of Earth have, he can’t scare an angry Asgardian that much…

I’m busy imagining what a confrontation between the two eye patches would look like when the door opens and the blonde Thunderer pops his head out. “I can’t see you now, Eileen, you have to leave.” And he slams the door shut again before I can even understand what’s happening.

I stare at the closed door, frustration and disbelief struggling to get the better of me. Did he just close his door to me? Did Loki’s brother just close a door in my face while he’s supposed to be my ally here? Is he being serious?

The world takes on a slight purple tinge and I hurl myself on the door.

“THOR! Open this door at once!” I bang my closed fist repeatedly on the cold panel, harder and harder, barely thinking that the racket I’m causing will attract security teams. “Thor Odinson, in the name of Yggdrasil, you will let me in or I’ll tear this place down until nothing is left but dust, and you know I will!” My second fist joins the first, making the door tremble on his hinges, until it opens and I half stumble inside Thor’s apartments.

“Have you lost your mind?”

I breathe slowly to regain composure. _Thump. Thump. Thump._ My heart beats frantically. _Thump. Thump._ I adjust the rings on my fingers. _Thump._

“I have to talk to you. It’s urgent.”

As far as I can tell, he’s still containing his anger. He closes the door and marches towards me. Oops, I think I might have gone too far... And I’m not fighting him in his place. I stumble backwards but my back hits the wall. He grabs my shoulders. “What is all this about?” he asks, his voice rumbling around me. I look up at him and squirm; he’s more than twice as large as I am, blocking any attempt I could make at escaping or trying to hit him. “I know that look on your face, don’t try to play any of your tricks on me.”

Okay, so how can I make him calm down? His hands hurt like hell! “Why are you hurting me?” I shout out.

“I’m... sorry.” He doesn’t release me, but the anger in his pupils is wavering and he eases his grip. “What matter is so pressing that you must threaten the safety of this building?”

“Oh, not that much, you know. Just a matter of life and death.” He doesn’t seem to be responsive to my little jokes right now. “I need you to take me back to Asgard.”

He frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I have to speak to the Allfather about the situation here.”

“It’s impossible.”

“Please.”

“I wasn’t going to return so soon,” he explains.

“I don’t care! You have to take me with you.”

“But why?”

I look up again. “This situation is dangerous and none of us can continue living it. It exhausts me, I can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what?”

“What did you believe, that I was experimenting on how long a mortal transformed into an asgardian could go without sleep?” The fake shine of exhaustion over my eyes is transforming into real tears. Maybe I’m not faking it that much. “I can’t do it on my own, Thor. I can’t.”

I see him hesitate. I let my head drop and give a trembling sigh. “Are you all right?” he asks as I try to hide my face. His arms move and he draws me against him. “What’s wrong? You know you can trust me.”

And instead of answering, I feel the bottled up urge to cry overwhelm me and the next instant tears are streaming down my cheeks and I can barely catch my breath. Startled at first, Thor seems to remember how comforting people works and holds me tight without a word, waiting for me to calm down. He starts carefully pressing his fingers into the knots in my tensed back, which makes me need to cry even more. I’ve tried not to let Loki see me weak since I was half-killed by the Frost Giants, all those months ago. He’s seen my tears enough during my first weeks in Asgard, and just as I wouldn’t want him to whimper on my shoulder, he doesn’t care about my occasional bouts of misery. Except that I _am_ mentally exhausted and Thor stroking my hair is unbelievably soothing. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening to me” I have to get a grip on myself. _Control_.

“Don’t apologize. Nobody realized you were under such a strain.” I hear the reproach directed at Loki in his tone.

I swallow and breathe deeply, hugging myself. “I’m exhausted, that’s what’s wrong. I have to be careful all the time about what I say, what I do.”

“I thought such a thing was easy for you.”

“Well, it isn’t. I’m afraid I’ll start making mistakes. It has to stop.” I gently slip out of Thor’s arms and wipe the tears from my cheek. “You know, the only thing I want is to be with Loki and not think about who it’s going to irritate, who might want to kill us for it.”

“I understand,” he says. I fumble for a paper tissue in my pocket and press it to my face. I’m starting to have a headache. Crying always gives me headaches.

“Will you help me?” I ask Thor. He looks away, clearly embarrassed. “Did your father forbid you to bring me back? Is that why you’re hesitating?”

“Not my father.”

“Then who?”

“I don’t…”

“Thor, tell me!”

He sighs and looks at me. “It was Loki.”

 _What?_ “What?” _Seriously, what?_ “Loki did what? Speak, Thor!”

“The last time I took you there, he called me in after our return. He greeted me, smiled, and then said that the next time I took you to Asgard without him he would make me howl in pain until my vocal chords broke.”

  1. That’s… that’s an overreaction. “I don’t know what to say, Thor. He didn’t mention that to me. I’m sorry he threatened you.”



“This is not your fault. But he deeply disliked that you left, last time. I’m not sure he’ll forgive me if I do it again.”

Ok, so I have to do something about it. That Loki doesn’t like me leaving him alone here, I can understand. That he threatens people with torture, I couldn’t care less. But this is hindering our plans and alienating Thor, destroying my careful work, and I can’t accept it. Crying cleared my thoughts, and I’m not as angry as before, just coldly determined to set things straight. “Come with me.” I open the door and hurry towards Loki’s room.

Thor follows closely. “Where do you think you’re going? I don’t want him to know I told you.”

“Why not? He can’t be allowed to think he can stop me from doing what I want to do.”

“You have no idea what his reaction could be, he can –”

I grin at him over my shoulder. “You’re not afraid of him, are you?”

“Of course not, but I don’t _want_ to fight him!”

“You won’t have to, I won’t let it come to a fight.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I know what I’m doing.”

By the time I’ve managed to convince Thor that everything will be all right, we’ve reached the cell.

“Weaver zero zero eight.”

The door’s barely open that Loki’s eyes spot Thor’s hand on the small of my back and he turns pale. He still waits for the lock to click before he speaks. “How dare you touch her?” he asks.

Thor takes three good steps away from me. “Mind your words, the cameras —“

“Don’t worry, that has been taken care of.” He frowns at me but doesn’t push it.

“Why are you here?” Loki walks to me and peers at my face. “And you look like you’ve been crying, Eileen. What is the meaning of all this?”

I jerk my chin up. “I wasn’t feeling very well and Thor was patient enough to listen to my worries.” His jaw clenches. “But that’s not important. There are more pressing matters to tackle, today.”

“ _I_ decide what’s important.”

“Oh, no you don’t. Because you have issues with sorting priorities and I’ve had quite enough of it.”

“Do you know your mysterious ability to take me from calm to infuriated is not exactly an asset? You shouldn’t practice so often.” _Control._ “Why are you here with him?”

“You know very well why I’m here, and you won’t make me start a fight.”

“You had said it wouldn’t come to a fight,” Thor interferes, but we ignore him.

Loki grins joylessly at me. “I can make you do anything, anytime, Eileen. Don’t you ever forget about it.” His tone gives me goose-bumps. “But I have no idea why you’re here.”

I swallow and clench my fists. He’s trying to poke at the anger he can sense inside me. I can’t let him. Thor interrupts us again. “This isn’t solving anything.” He’s getting impatient with us, but somehow, despite the threat an angry Thor poses, it’s the last of my concerns. “We can talk this through, we can –”

“Silence,” both Loki and I say. We’re glaring at each other, even Loki is trembling with anger, and Thor complies, taking another step back. Not in fear, obviously, but in momentary respect for our argument. Or maybe he’s just waiting for an excuse to join in.

“And what caused you to be so irate today, my weaver?”

The contempt in his tone somehow hurts me. “Thor just told me you forbade him to take me back to Asgard. Is that true?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Why?”

“Why is it true? Simple enough; because it is not a lie!”

Ok, so; no. “Do not think you can play that game with me.”

He shakes his head and I want to tear the amused smile off his face. “And what game would that be?”

“You don’t want to see me angry now, Loki, you really don’t.” He continues smiling and I breathe deeply. “Why can’t I go to Asgard freely?”

He looks at his hand and starts playing with his fingernails. He knows I hate it when he does that. Then he opens his arms, mimicking franchise. “I have realized it displeases me that you should leave me stranded in this place while you stroll around the Palace and Thor isn’t even here to take _me_ back if necessary.”

He’s doing it on purpose, I know he is. “Thor isn’t at your beck and call, and neither am I.”

“On the contrary. Why wouldn’t you be?”

Or maybe he isn’t doing it on purpose and needs a good old reminder of who I am. “Because we’re not yours to order around, that’s why not!” His face goes hard. “Listen to me, Loki. Your reason isn’t valid enough to keep me here. Besides, I don’t stroll around the Palace, I’m going to Asgard so I can find out more about whoever tried to kill me and have you cast out.”

Loki takes a few steps backwards and sits on his bed. “If you had deemed it suitable to come and talk to me before making up your own plans, I would have offered a few suggestions so as to the identity of this person.”

“You can do that now, I’m all ears.”

He laughs. “Certainly not. Apparently you have your own way of discovering the truth.”

I swallow. I both want to rip his throat open and his clothes off. I turn to Thor. “Get out of here.”

He hesitates, taking a long look at my face, examining my posture, then Loki’s. “I’ll leave, but let me warn you: if anyone here is hurt because of your fight, you’ll have to answer to me. Both of you.” He stares at us some more, expecting a sign of our understanding I suppose, but we give nothing and he walks out. We stay perfectly still and silent as the door opens and closes again. Loki’s fingers twitch.

“Now you can speak,” I tell him.

“But I don’t trust you more than I trust him. For all I know you could be on my father’s side now, after that time you spent without me. Maybe you want me to tell you how much I know before you go back, so you can cover up all the traces and clues and then leave me here.”

“Have you turned paranoid?”

“No, I haven’t. But you need to remember we can’t rely on anyone. You put far too much trust into my brother; wasn’t it enough that you tried to help him see his woman again? Now you’re letting yourself cry on his shoulder like some spineless worm!”

 _What?_ Treating that with sarcasm is probably the best way. He wants me to lash out at him and I will certainly not give him that satisfaction. “That’s redundant. A worm _is_ an invertebrate.” He gets up and swoops on me, taking my face into his hands. Cold hands. It makes me shiver. “He has to stop seeing me as a threat. I have some sort of influence over him like that, and I want it to stay this way.”

“You’re trying to maintain influence over too many people, Eileen. You should take more care where you step.”

I shake my head. Well, as much as that’s possible with his hands there. “I’m going to Asgard no matter what, to speak with Odin, try everything in my power to change his mind and get us out of this trap. And you’re going to stay here and be sensible and not disclose our plans. I don’t want to deal with a catastrophe when I come back.”

“You dare disobey _and_ give commands to me?”

“I do what I want, and yes, I am giving commands, since advice won’t work.” He’s still infuriated but he can barely resist that I’m fighting back, I know it, and I still shiver under his touch, no matter how enraged I am. He bites the inside of his cheek without a word, a thumb trailing my temple. “There’s nothing you can do from here anyway,” I point out. “Let _me_ deal with this one.” I part my lips and reach up for his. “I know what I’m doing,” I whisper.

“I do not care much for leaving my life in your hands. If you deceive me, I will not forgive you.” He lets go of me and takes a few steps back. “Now go.”

An acid sensation spreads to my stomach, and I stand straighter, managing to somehow look down on him even if he’s taller. “You’re not the only one who can make threats, Loki. If you don’t let me help you, I might just leave you there.”

“A tempting possibility, isn’t it? You simply have to overcome your fear of me; you can’t forget who I am.”

“You’re wrong. I don’t fear you. I’ve stopped being afraid of you the day you didn’t let me die.” I smile. “You’d better remember who _I_ am; don’t threaten me, and don’t make me feel I’ve got my back to the wall.” I turn around, open the door and enunciate clearly. “Weaver; eight; zero; zero.” I can’t see him, but I don’t really need to; he knows this code reactivates the surveillance in the cell. And that I usually forget to do so when I leave him.

I know deep down that I shouldn’t have retaliated in that way, that I shouldn’t leave at all, in fact, that Loki alone right now isn’t a good idea. And yet... it’s just impossible to solve this if I stay here. Maybe something to eat will do me good; or coffee. Or a good old glass of whisky. Yes, that would be even better. I have to find Thor again now, I knew he wouldn’t be waiting for me just outside the cell, but Hell, why can’t people just stay where I leave them so I can use them when needed?


	11. Fates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the situation does not clear up

The orangey light of dusk entering my apartments in the Palace shines on dust dancing in the air and I stare at the thousands of small flickering particles, nibbling at a small piece of bread dipped in honey. It’s the only thing I feel like eating, lately, but it makes me thirsty. I swallow the bread, lift the wine decanter from the table and pour myself a glass of dark red wine. I push aside the regret that Loki isn’t here to share it with me when I see the second glass the kitchen servant has laid on the tray, out of habit probably. “Would you like some wine, Asuyia?” I ask the little maid.

The girl’s head appears from the large chest she was rummaging into and she hesitates. “Oh, er, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you wanted wine, you should have asked me to pour it.”

I shake my head. “I’m not telling you off for not guessing I was thirsty, I’m asking if you want to drink with me.” I fill the second glass with wine.

She gets up, her arms laden with deep green fabric. “I… I would have liked that very much, my lady, but I’m afraid I might spill some and ruin your green silk.” She smiles. “Wine leaves terrible stains, you know it.”

“Just put the dress on the bed and take that glass.”

“But we’re already late, and –”

“Let me tell you something, Asuyia. When you want to have the upper hand on a meeting, always make people wait. You decide when you arrive, even if it’s only five minutes after the time they had planned.”

“Even kings?”

“Ha! Especially kings, my dear!”

She carries the heavy dress across the room and lays it properly on the bed. “What if it makes them angry?” she asks.

“Then it’s all the better for you. It means you’re already one step ahead of them, since they’ve let you decide their mood.”

She flattens out a few creases before turning around and grabbing the glass I’m handing her. “And anyway, you’re going with Thor and he’s not here yet.”

I make my glass clink against hers. “You are perfectly right. Cheers to that!” She sips and closes her eyes with a grimace. “Strong and tart, isn’t it?” She shakes her head. “I wonder why they selected it for Loki’s table,” I add.

Asuyia starts giggling, but she stops abruptly and looks at me with fear in her eyes. “My apologies,” she pauses, “lady Sigyn. I shouldn’t have laughed.”

“It was meant to be funny. And you can use my real name.” She opens her eyes wide, mimicking surprise. I shake my head. “You’re a terrible, terrible liar, for a handmaid.”

Her expression changes almost immediately. “Or maybe I just wanted to let you know that I knew so you would end up asking. I am here almost all the time, after all, er –” She hesitates and I urge her on. “Eileen,” she concludes in a whisper.

I consider her for a minute. “I didn’t know they looked for wits in servants,” I tell her.

“They usually don’t. But how else would I have managed to be in the service of one of the most influential woman here?”

“You flatter me.”

She bows her head and I put my glass back on the tray. “Help me into that dress, will you?”

As she opens the gown and holds it on the floor for me to step into it, I can’t help trying to expose her. “Either you like discovering secrets or you’re trying to make me confide in you before going straight to your employer, little spy.”

She straightens up again and starts arranging the heavy fabric around my legs. “I refused to do that,” she answers from behind my back.

Does she really think I can trust her? “Who asked?”

“Someone I didn’t know. He wasn’t from the Palace, but he was a citizen of Asgard, that I’m sure of. He came to me one evening when I was out with friends and whispered that he knew I was Lady Sigyn’s handmaid, and that if I wanted to make more money that I could ever dream to spend I need just give him information about you.”

“And what did you say?”

“I told him to bugger off to Jotunheim and pray he didn’t meet Loki there.” I laugh but there’s still no way I can be sure she’s telling me the truth.

She hops in front of me, and as I hold my arms out to slip them into the sleeves I notice something different. “What happened to that dress?” I ask her when I see the heavily ornate metal pieces covering the fabric. “What is all this?” I run my hands all over the front of the gown. “Asuyia, answer me.”

Her face becomes grave and she starts fitting the gown tighter around my shoulders, circling me again to fasten the corset in my back. “I added these earlier today, when you told me you wanted this one ready for the meeting. Almost all the Aesyns wear metal on their dresses, you know. It offers elegant protection.”

“I’m not sure I like it.”

“It can deflect blades and arrows,” she insists.

This is getting on my nerves and I feel angry that she should take such an initiative without asking me. I feel hot, my cheeks flushed from the wine and the heat. “This won't be necessary,” I tell her, trying to pull at the thin, yet resistant thread she used to sew the metal on.

She swiftly reaches for my hand to stop me. “Yes, it will, my lady. Do you want to know why?” But she pulls on the laces so hard it cuts my breath and I can only nod. “Because you're Loki's wife, bound by Odin’s decision and Var’s magic words. That’s why they want to kill you.”

I consider her in silence for a few seconds. “Who?”

“The Palace is divided.”

"Over the Trickster God marrying a former mortal? How surprising..."

“Some have accepted the situation, most haven’t.”

“There’s not much they can do about it.” _Except kill me, apparently._

She finishes lacing the dress in my back before coming to face me and arrange a few stray curls of hair that have broken free from the ribbons and headdress. “They either want to kill you or trap you, depending on who’s deciding,” she eventually says. “Make you confess you’re from Midgard, hoping the Allfather will have to take back the power he granted you and send you away. I do not know why exactly, maybe they just want to punish Loki.” She takes a few steps backwards, examines what I look like and selects a golden pin, shaped as a flame, to fasten a stole on my shoulder.

“I can’t let them!” I have to react. If she works for them, whoever they are, she can go and repeat that. “I will find out who they are, and there will be no one to protect them, even the Allfather!” I turn towards the dressing table, yank a drawer open and take three of the six blades Loki had me keep. They might be of use.

Asuyia smiles. “Keep one thing in mind, my lady. Odin will never let you die.”

My head starts aching. I crave to know more, I wonder how much she’s going to tell me, if it’s not just lies to make me believe she’s on my side, but a knock on the door prevents me from asking any question. She smiles again and goes to open the door. I confusedly hear Thor saying we’re already late, and I breathe deeply. If I arrive angry at that meeting with Odin, then _he_ will be one step ahead. And why would that seemingly innocent girl suddenly turn out to know almost everything that’s happening in the Palace? I really need Thor’s support, at any cost, or I know won’t stay alive very long.

 

***

 

“Do you refuse to interfere, Allfather? I might have failed to make myself clear: the mortals aren't planning on releasing Loki or even organizing a trial. He is a prisoner on Earth, and so am I.”

“You have understood me perfectly well,” Odin answers.

I nod slowly. “I think someone here has every interest in Loki and I being absent from the Palace for so long. Perhaps the ones who hired assassins to have me killed!”

Odin slams his fist on the metallic arm of his High Seat, making the whole room ring with his anger. “I will not allow you to utter such accusations, lady Sigyn. I entrusted Loki to be tried by our allies on Midgard for the crimes he committed against them, and the other matter you are mentioning bears no relation to his current situation. We were all distressed at your unfortunate encounter with this group of bandits and I have personally spent a considerable amount of my time to discover more about it. I have nothing else to tell you than that there was a breach in the security and that it will not happen again.” He gets up and looks down on me from the top of his steps. I’m standing alone under his gaze and of course I don’t lower my eyes. “Do you hear me? That’s all there is to say. There are no plots, no traitors, and no conspirators within the walls of this Palace.” Apart from you, the quiver in his lips says. “The matter is now closed and I will ask you not to mention it again.”

“Ask me, or command me, Allfather?” My voice echoes loudly in the hall. “And what will you do if I do not obey?”

“I will threaten only if need be, but I will retaliate, do not doubt it.” He doesn’t find it amusing anymore and neither do I.

“Very well,” I answer with a curt bow. In both cases, if I leave the matter to that, my assailants and the mysterious entity, or entities, who want Loki to stay prisoner on Earth and are succeeding up to now, will have all freedom to complete their scheme. But I know I will obtain nothing more today. “May I be allowed to take my leave?”

“You may. Do not let imaginary dangers make you forget your duties, Sigyn. Your place is at Loki’s side.”

I whirl around without answering and cut through the hall unhurriedly, every step reminding me of my shame. I have failed, and I don’t know what to do next. Odin flatly condemned my attitude in front of the entire Court and there was nobody to speak for me, to support me. I was utterly alone in my plea. Thor stood through the conversation still as a statue, apparently not hearing a word of what was happening. When I reach the doors the guard takes a few seconds longer than necessary to open it and let me through, and once I’m out I hear him snicker behind my back. I don’t grant him a reaction, that would be giving him and his opinion of me far too much importance but as soon as I’ve turned a corner I send my closed fist into a suspended flower pot and it breaks, scattering dirt and leaves and broken pottery on the ornate tiles. The violence of my move detaches the pin, which clinks to the floor and ends up at the other end of the corridor. I go to fetch it back but before I’ve reached it, Balder walks out of the shadows. He bends down gracefully and hands me the pin. “You should be more careful with the dwarves’ gold. It cost Loki a lot to obtain it, he would hate to learn you’ve lost such a precious piece of jewellery, especially one you were never meant to have.”

I try to read his fair face. “What do you mean, one I was never meant to have? This is Loki’s, he stole it, he can dispose of it as it pleases him.”

“Indeed. But sit with me, my dear. It’s my turn to tell you a story.” He takes my arm and leads me to a bench. I sit in a swish of silk and he stays silent a long time. What is all this about now? He clears his throat. “I’ll begin with reminding you that the Allfather has knowledge of all the stories involving us. The Sight was given to him at the price of many a sacrifice, and as he was given knowledge he was also given the power of words.”

Why is he talking to me as if I was a child of five? “But I know that, I –”

“Oh, my lady, I’m quite certain you have a confused understanding, some impressions, more or less accurate, but you do not know. When I say the power of words, I mean that everything he says happens. When he decided to cast Thor out, he just had to say it and it was effective. When he made you one of ours, you became one of ours without delay.”

“I’m telling you that I know this, Balder. Loki explained it, in great detail, how it worked, how much he wanted this power…”

He smiles at me. “Then you must be aware that when he made you and Loki man and wife, he bound you with a force stronger than you can believe.”

“But, I thought Var… Or Freya, perhaps as goddess of love…”

“Var’s power is merely to record the promises, observe the lovers and take revenge when they are broken. And Freya would never be on Loki’s side. No, the real magic, the only binding magic, ancient and intricate, is the Allfather’s privilege. Even what Loki does is a child playing with his toys compared to Odin’s power.” He gives a little smile. “For now, that is.”

“If you’re trying to warn me, Balder, I’ll stop you right now. I was already told that it was because of these bonds. I guess killing me would destroy them.”

He laughs. “This is too crude and bland a way out. No, the magic is much more complex than that, my lady. Only Odin can destroy what he has created, and as far as this Sigyn-Loki entity is concerned, he will not be convinced so easily.”

“But why would they even try to make him do that? Are they jealous that I was made an Aesyn? Do they think I don’t deserve it because of my birth? Is it just to punish Loki, to make their own justice?”

He pinches his lips before looking me in the eye and I busy my hands with the pin. “You were never meant to be Sigyn, Eileen Weaver.”

What? I know that. “I… I know. Odin explained –”

“No, listen to me. I’m not sure what the Allfather revealed, probably that he’d been looking for you for a long time.” I nod. That’s exactly what he said. “But he never told you, and from what I gather Loki never spoke of it either, that there was supposed to be another lady Sigyn.”

Something pierces my skin. The pin. There’s blood on my finger. I don’t care. “Another?” I manage to ask in a thin voice. “How do you know? What other? Where is she?”

“She is dead, now. She was one of the numerous casualties in the eternal battle between Odin and the norns.”

My voice has been somehow taken from me. I hear my teeth gritting.

Balder sighs and seems to prepare himself for a long effort. I want to tell him not to talk, but I can’t. I have to hear. “Once, many years ago, when Thor and Loki and I had barely reached adulthood, Odin went to visit one of the Vala, a prophetess. I followed, unbeknownst to him. They talked about many events, many adventures, many deaths and births. That’s when I discovered that we were but one thread of story among others; the secret of Loki’s birth; the secret of my birth; the secret of my death.”

I start and look at him. So he knows? And does nothing?

The question on my face must be transparent enough, because he laughs softly. “Yes, I know how I’ll die. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve had centuries to come to terms with it now, and that’s not what you need to learn today. I remember that the Vala seemed in pain, twisting and squirming, pulling at her clothes, scratching her hands so hard she made them bleed, pulling at stray threads from her old tunic. Father asked her why she was so restless, and she begged him to tell Loki about his true origins, saying it would send the world to ruin, that the norns, the deities of fate, had warned her. Odin answered that the world was going to ruin anyway, telling Loki would not prevent the end of Asgard. But she wasn’t listening, she kept repeating that the Sisters wanted to put an end to that projection, that something had gone wrong, terribly wrong, and that Odin ought to pronounce its destruction at once. He got angry. He said that the destruction of a storyline was his privilege, had always been, that he had paid high enough a price for it.”

He pauses and swallows. “The Vala burst into tears, shrieking, shaking. I was terrified. Odin ignored her fit and asked her what was so wrong in this specific line of events. The Vala laughed. An insane laugh, carrying all the rotten omens and unfolded prophecies men had ever sought. Her face was white, her eyes rolling in their sockets; she was in a trance, I understood later, the Norns speaking through her. And she grinned, and told Odin that maybe he hadn’t fully understood what his decision to continue a misshapen story would mean for the world, that his desperate attempts to save Asgard and himself would fail, but not without taking an unprecedented toll on all of creation. I remember hearing a snap and a scream echo inside the cave. We later learnt that the young Sigyn had died of a fall in a ravine.”

He pauses again, and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Loki had met that girl and decided he liked her. He was already planning to win her over with the dwarves’ jewellery he’d stolen.” He points at the piece of gold between my fingers.

I realize I’m gaping stupidly and I shut my mouth. I’m cold, all of a sudden, very cold, and I hug myself. Loki never called me Sigyn, I realize. Never. Even when he talks about me to others. He either uses my old name or doesn’t use any name at all. The pin has become heavy, ugly, blunt and crude in my hands. Why did he even give it to me, if he had stolen it for another one?

“Father tried to harm the Vala, but she vanished, leaving only the Fates’ laughter behind, and amidst the laughter these words: ‘We’re giving you power to direct this aberration of a story to the end, Allfather. But you will have to fight for it; fight the eternal fabric of the Legend, because it will rebel against your hand, Allfather. We will make sure of that. And the Vala will not help you, this time. She will only come back when Loki slays Balder,’ she concluded. I had never seen my father so irate.”

I’m not real anymore. I’m not here, I’m not now, I’m not made of flesh or bone. I want to die and be a tree. It must be peaceful, to become a tree. But I’m not a tree. I’m Sigyn. No, no I can’t be her; I’m Eileen. Who the hell am I supposed to be?

“So that’s why Odin was so contended when you arrived,” Balder continues. “After all the events on Earth that had been proving him wrong, you appeared here, all insolence and cheek and… and new. Your survival to Loki, your attitude towards everyone here, your refusal to live under conditions that were not yours, even your name, Eileen Victoire Weaver, everything about you represented an incredibly satisfying way to get back at the Fates. And you knew the stories. You wrote stories. In a way, you were a little Fate yourself, a little weaver, he called you, and he laughed. And the Sisters didn’t like that.” He sighs. “That’s why he insisted on making you one of us, then naming you Sigyn, and then binding you to Loki. He folded you into the story, to protect you from… eradication, from the only power stronger than his.”

And here is that strange sensation again, burning cold seeping into my womb. I was always a tool. I was a tool for Loki, then a tool for Odin who’s using me as a pawn in his death battle against… Against the timeless power of Fate. This cannot be real. “So that’s who’s been attacking me? The Vala? The… the Fates? Who’s on their side?”

“You’re an anomaly, and the body of the story is trying, with all its might, to eliminate you. The humans; Freya; Heimdall; a score of others. Even I tried, I didn’t know why but I felt deep down that you had to leave, I told you so. Don’t you remember? I said you shouldn’t even be there. Until I understood what you were meant to do here, why the Allfather was ready to risk everything and so much more to have you accepted here. The Fates have allies in everyone who thinks you should be eliminated. We are vastly outnumbered, and I sincerely fear Odin is about to lose yet another confrontation with the power of fate. The Sisters do not like when their puppets rewrite their stories. But you must prove stronger. We all need you to prove stronger than the Norns' anger.”

“Prove stronger?” My question is a cry and I cover my mouth with my hand to quiet the panic. I’m shaking so hard I drop the pin again. I’ve never been so afraid since I arrived here. Scrap that, I’ve never been so afraid in my entire life.

“Every ordeal set on your path exists only to prove our side wrong. The eternal story woven by the Fates is rebelling against the strains Odin has put it through to create that specific projection, to force into reality this stray storyline, this aberration of a world that was meant to be aborted!” His tone betrays hardly contained anger. “And you, Eileen, the new Sigyn, are the most important of these strains. But you also are the core holding it together. If you break, the whole story collapses and will not reach the end.” He sighs. “He’s done it before, you know. This is not the first time he disobeys the Fates, not the first time he’s looked for new weapons to fight them. Sometimes, he wins.”

I don’t dare ask how many times he loses. I’m feeling sick and I breathe deeply, clutching the edge of the bench to remind myself of my surroundings. To remind myself I’m alive. To remember all of this is real. Loki. _Loki, help me_. I can’t do this. It’s too much for me. I’ll kill us all, I’ll kill myself, that’s the only thing I’m good at. “Why didn’t Odin tell me?” As I ask I realize how stupid a question this is.

“How do you think you would have reacted if he’d asked you to become his weapon of choice when you arrived?”

 _I would have told him to go to hell._ Balder’s right. Now that I’m in it, there’s nothing I can do to escape what is expected of me. “What if I decide I want to give up? What if I decide to die?”

“What happened last time you did that? In Jotunheim, what happened even after you made Loki kill you?”

“I… I didn’t die. I survived. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know why I lived.”

“Because Odin had already made you part of the story. You had not acknowledged it yet, but you were already bound to your new name. It happened the moment he learnt your name meant Victory Weaver. He decided then.”

My eyes sweep the dead leaves on the floor. A couple of ants are trying to pull a twig a hundred times their size towards their nest and I stare at them, observing their struggle. I knew there was no way out for me, that I had to stand at Loki’s side even when he would be destroying his world, our lives, cause our son’s death. But I never suspected I, poor little mortal who fancied she could play goddess, was needed for the story to continue; I suddenly remember Odin’s words, and understand that was what he’d meant when he said our task was to keep the story going. He never realized that this was putting too much faith in me. I hear Balder getting up. “Wait!” I call out, gripping his arm. “Don’t leave! Don’t leave me alone! What am I to do? Who am I supposed to fight, where am I supposed to go?” The panic is threatening to overwhelm me again.

He lays a soothing hand over mine. “Get up, Victory Weaver.” I lean on him to stand but I’m far from steady. He grabs my elbows and looks at my face. “The story is going to try and remove you from itself, and it can’t happen. You must put an end to the petty pursuits of yours of Earth. You were sent there to be protected. We hoped the Fates would be satisfied with seeing you withdrawn from Asgard, but your behaviour is attracting their attention again. We know the conflicts between you that have arisen from Loki’s revenge, or lack thereof. We know how tempted you sometimes are to leave him behind, but if you renounce him, if you renounce your place here, Odin will have lost his bet, and we… we will have lost everything. Don’t let the Fates get between you and Loki.”

I frown at him. “Are you telling me that they’re testing my love? My courage? Are you trying to turn me into some sort of heroine?” I’m starting to shake again, panic and exhaustion and anger an indistinct mess of emotions inside me. “A… a generous, selfless wife, ready to step into another woman’s shoes because it was asked of her?”

He smiles. “No, my dear Eileen, not at all. I’m asking you if you’re good enough to help the Allfather win. The entire universe needs you to be Sigyn the Faithful. Odin put all of our destinies into your hands.”

I let out a brittle laugh. “He must have been pretty desperate.”

“It’s a reckless move, I can’t deny it, but not desperate. He somehow hoped you would… do it for Loki’s sake, and that's why he thought he could keep it a secret, but he knows, and he’s always known that you can rise to this challenge.”

“What if I can’t? What if I don’t want to?”

“We’ll die. Earlier than planned, but it doesn’t matter that much, does it?”

No, he’s right. It doesn’t matter that much. Except that he’ll live in a thousand other stories, except that he is, at this very moment, living in Odin knows how many other projections. And I’m not. I only have this one chance, and I don’t think I like the idea of the Fates deciding I should die. Old reactions, ancient confidence comes back to me. It seems ages since I had real control over my life, what with the attack and Odin and the humans. I don’t know what is going to happen next, but I’ll be making the decisions, now. “I will not let anyone write my story for me. I decide when I die, I decide when I leave!”

He smiles again and wipes the tears from my cheeks. “That’s what I wanted to hear. Write louder than their words. You asked me what you were supposed to do: surprise them. Surprise us. Become Sigyn, truly, without compromise, and allow yourself to feed on the eternal energy flowing between all the Sigyns and Lokis carried within the threads. Don’t… how did Thor explain Midgardians said… play safe. You’re not safe anyway.”

I nod. Calm, cold determination falls softly on the panic, like appeasing snowflakes. I’ve never seen them, hidden as they are under the Tree, but somehow I’m sure the Fates are laughing. I can’t allow it.

“I have to go, now,” Balder says softly. “The first Odinson is coming.”

I let go of his arms and straighten to take a deep breath. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, my lady.”

“Why are you helping me? Loki will cause your death. You know it. You should be happy that he doesn’t get his way.”

“I could answer that I am above such petty considerations, that I forgave him a long time ago, that depriving him of love would not give me satisfaction. But it’s not as noble, it’s straightforward and mundane: I want to live. I don’t want this story to finish for the moment. You see, to grant my father the power to create reality with the sheer force of his words, the Vala had to steal it from someone. It came to my knowledge that the one to be sacrificed had been me. Well, me... the essence of Balder. I am, to put it bluntly, the paramount of ineffectiveness, my dear, so, whenever I can I try to have a little control over events, through other people most of the time. My death seems a decent event to have control over. One day will come, Eileen, when I will walk to you and ask you to start the chain reaction that will lead to my death. Please don’t do it before then. This is what I ask of you in exchange for my help.”

“I won’t. I swear I’ll wait for your decision, if I have that power.”

He nods. “And also… I quite like what I’m living here. I want to see what you’re going to do with her.” He smiles and starts walking away. I wonder why he told me, if Odin instructed him to do so, if he thinks it might change the course of events. I look up to call out and ask, but he’s gone already.


	12. Gardens

Half a second later, I hear Thor’s footsteps in the gravel. I pick up the discarded pin and pretend to examine it closely. I don’t even see the engravings; I see only the situation, the big dark shape blocking my vision of the future. I’m the match point in this confrontation, and up to now I knew nothing of it. I suppose Odin counted on my unconditional devotion to Loki to win, this time. The Eileen I know would never accept paying that price to keep a man. But then, it’s Loki. And I’m not sure I’m still the Eileen Weaver I know, actually. “Good evening, Thor,” I say when I see his shoes coming to a stop in front of me.

“You shouldn’t stay alone, it isn’t safe.”

I look up at him with a smile. “Nothing is safe…”

“What do… what do you mean? What do I have to protect you against?” I chuckle. “If anything should happen, Loki would never forgive me.”

 _No, he wouldn’t indeed…_ “You’re right, and I thank you for your concern.” I look around and glimpse movement behind Thor’s back. _More killers? An ambush?_ “I need rest. I wish to go back to my rooms.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

I take his arm and we walk out of the garden. As we walk past the broken flower pot, he frowns at it but doesn’t ask any questions. Then we both hear the distinctive clink of weapons and freeze, straining our ears.

“Stay behind me, my lady. Who is there?”

      Nothing happens. What the hell? Weren’t they there for – “AAARGH!” Something pointy sinks into my right shoulder and stays there. I stumble over, blinded by the pain, and feel a queer warmth seeping from the wound into my blood. _Poison_. What poison, I have no idea, but I have to take that arrowhead out before it reaches my heart. I hear running, and yelling, and Thor’s voice telling me to hide away, but I ignore him and try to get to my feet. They get caught into the dress and I fall again. “What in the Nine Realms -”. I hear another arrow bouncing on the metal Asuyia was clever enough to prepare and I thank her for it. I fumble for the blades at my belt, yell in triumph when I manage to get hold of one, and cut through the heavy layers of fabric, ripping the delicate silk open to free my legs. Then I reach for the arrow sticking out of my shoulder and pull as hard as I can.

White. Hot.

I come back to consciousness what I assume is a few seconds later, because now Thor is swinging his hammer into one of the assailant’s ribcage and he didn’t have his hammer last time I saw him. My shoulder is excruciatingly painful but as far as I can tell there’s nothing inside it anymore. Good. I get up from among… wow, eight of them, already knocked out on the floor? If that’s not efficient, I don’t know what is. I try to look around but I’m dizzy and queasy, and I feel my fingers opening even when I don’t command them to.

One of the enemies sees me and points in my direction, attracting the other’s attention. They’re running towards where I stand. Quick! Move, Eileen, for heaven’s sake! But I’m too slow, too tired, and too weak and my limbs won’t obey. I can’t even reach for more strength, as if any energy has been annihilated, sucked away from my body. I hear a deafening crash and the next instant Thor lands mere inches from where I stand and his arms swings me behind him as the hammer strikes all of the men in one wide, curved movement. I realize that I’m clinging to him to stay on my feet and I lose track of what’s happening in that corridor. Nothing makes sense anymore anyway, why bother? My head rolls from side to side in my struggle to stay awake. What the hell did they coat that arrow head with? I swallow, make a conscious effort to look up.

I do well, because a man is slowly crawling towards me, about to catch my ankle and make me fall. I let out a desperate cry of anger and frustration and send my foot crashing into his face. A lot harder than what I’d thought myself capable of, since the man slides a few metres until he hits a wall and stays there, motionless. But the effort exhausted me, and it’s as if I didn’t have enough strength to breathe. I cough and gag, the world whirling around me, but Thor catches me back before I fall. “The arrowhead,” he shouts. “It’s still in the wound!”

“Take it… take it out,” I croak.

“It’s going to hurt!”

“Do it!” Thor, for Asgard’s sake, do it! I scream in pain when I feel his fingers dig into the flesh. Then he pulls hard. Nausea overwhelms me and I double over, specks of colour exploding in my eyes. I fall on my hands and knees but don’t faint, focussing all of my attention on the cold floor.

Gradually, the world becomes clearer as I maintain even breathing. I can almost think again. I slowly realize that Thor isn’t fighting anymore. I look around, and this time I can register my surroundings. A dozen unconscious, dead perhaps, bodies are strewn all over the stone flooring, all of them heavily armed and armoured.

I sit straighter and run a hand into my hair in consternation. “I can’t believe it.” I’m still shaking.

Thor slide his arm around my shoulders to help me to my feet. “I can’t believe it,” I say again. We were sent to Earth to protect us... to protect me. Balder didn’t lie, at least not about that. How long will I be supposed to hide like that, playing mortal, because everyone here wants to destroy me? No, this won’t do, we can’t stay down there forever, there must be something I can do, I could provoke the Fates, I could confront them, try to defeat or at least change their minds. And if I fail... Well, I’ll fail. But I’d rather die trying than spend half of eternity pretending not to be who I am, not even certain that they won’t find me on Earth and kill me there, a nameless human among others. With all due respect to the Allfather, I’ve already met Death twice as Eileen Victoire Weaver. For the last face-off, I will stand as Sigyn.

“Eileen, can I do something to help you?” Thor asks.

“Find something strong to drink. We’re going to need it.”

 

***

 

I’m not drunk, far from it, I only had two pints of their dark ale, and yet I have to cling to Thor’s arm not to fall. He told me that the poison would linger in my blood for a few days but won’t do any more harm than colouring the veins around the wound, tracing a burgundy-red web pattern on my skin. The fresh air in the garden has done me good and I’m laughing at something he said, or I said, I can’t remember, and I vacillate a little. He takes the glass from me and directs me to a bench. I’m feeling strangely elated, sure of myself, sure that everything will turn out all right. He’s already apologized a hundred times for letting me be wounded and I relish his guilt, my new ally, refusing to make him feel any better. Actually, I think I’m going to try and make him feel worse. I repress a grin. He sits next to me and I sigh. “Do you realize that last time both of us were here alone, you told me it was better that I left?”

“I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

I give a stillborn laugh. “Is that sincere?”

“Not everybody is like you or my brother, coating every word with lies!”

I sigh again. “How would you know?”

Thor lifts my chin up making me look up at him. “Believe me. I am very pleased you stayed.” 

I narrow my eyes in mock defiance. “Even if that means you have to fight citizens in the corridors of the Palace?”

“I have to confess you did bring a fair amount of trouble, but I would have grown terribly bored if it wasn’t for all these little distractions you provide.”

I laugh and jerk my head backwards. “Little distractions? I thought I was the only one to use understatement here!” I can feel his eyes on my throat.

“Are you sure there isn’t a little left for me to share?” He makes his features wrinkle.

“Don’t you dare try to make that face to _me_ , Thor!” We both laugh. As irritating as his inane bravery can sometimes be, there’s no denying that his company is pleasing.

“Tell me something, Eileen. You’re angry at everyone, all the time, always aggressive. But at this moment, barely an hour after being wounded, you don’t seem angry at all.”

“Why would I be angry?”

“I didn’t listen to you. I didn’t believe your life was under threat. I noticed your stare earlier this evening, at the hearing. I know you would have wanted me to interfere, to convince my father to take action. But I didn’t say a word, and now I...”

“Now you’re feeling guilty, you’re thinking that perhaps there is more to these attacks than meets the eye. And you know it wouldn’t be the first time your father kept a secret from everyone, including you.”

“Yes, that... That is a very accurate description of the turmoil in my mind.”

“It doesn’t matter, Thor. I didn’t expect you to trust me over your father. Why would you? I am the Liesmith’s wife, after all.”

“I apologize sincerely. I shouldn’t have assumed that you were lying, and I wish I could make it up to you, repair that mistake.”

Here he is. Exactly where I wanted him to be, in my debt. “There’s a way. One simple way. You can help me fight them.”

“But who are we supposed to fight?”

“I... I can’t tell you that. Not right now, not for the moment. I’m not even sure myself... But before anything else, Loki and I must leave Earth.”

“It isn’t in my power to help you with this. He has to wait...”

“You heard me, Thor, I said it earlier: there will be no end to this wait!” He frowns at me, and I force myself to calm down. “If you don’t assist us, we’ll have to do it our way, and you know what this means.” I put my hand on his arm. “Please. I need you. Loki needs you.”

His face contracts. “I promise I’ll talk to Father.” He falls silent, observing me. This isn’t enough, I need more guilt, more embarrassment. He hasn’t wronged me enough yet to blatantly disobey orders just for Loki and my sake. There’s a sudden painful throbbing in my shoulder and I wince.

Thor frowns. “I shouldn’t have listened to you and taken you to the healing rooms.”

“I’m fine.” I twist a little as his eyes search for something.

“It still seems painful,” he says. I half shrug and straighten up. “I would just like to be sure there’s no shard of metal left in it. And you can’t breathe in these clothes! Will you allow me to look?” he asks. He’s right, it definitely feels like something is still stuck in there.

I nod cautiously and squirm to reach for the laces in my back, but he’s beaten me there and I let him. His fingers are surprisingly agile for someone who’s had so much to drink. I take a deep breath as soon as my ribcage is released, suddenly realizing how tight the dress was.

Thor shakes his head as he slowly detaches fabric glued to my skin by dried blood. “It went very deep, too deep for you to pull it out the first time, and the poison had enough time to spread.” He trails red marks visible under the thin layer of my skin, getting closer to the throbbing edge of the wound. It both tickles and hurts, and I shiver.

“The plates my handmaid stitched on the dress deflected one that was going straight to my heart,” I explain.

“You were lucky; if it had hit your heart, I don’t know what I would have done.” He covers my shoulder again and sighs. “I saw the first arrow, but didn’t react in time. Loki would have been swift enough to catch it.”

I can’t believe he’s going there himself. I look away from his face and pretend to stare at the floor. “But he wasn’t there,” I whisper before taking two long sips.

“No, he wasn’t.”

I stay silent for a minute, then I smile a little. “Thank you for saving my life.”

“Don’t you dare thank me! Did you expect me to let you die, simply because of who my brother is, of what he did to me?”

“No, of course not. That’s not like you. You’re the great, selfless Thor.” I finish what’s left in my glass, drowning the bitterness of my tone in beer.

He laughs, and laughs, and laughs again, before sighing and lifting my chin up again so I have to look into his eyes. “Sometimes I think you’re worse than he is. Little Weaver.” I say nothing and pretend to catch my breath. I shouldn’t be doing this; I might lose Loki, I might lose everything, and it’s not as if I had a chance to earn a seat at Thor’s side by abandoning his brother. I don’t even want it. He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. But if I can play this just right, if this carelessness adds just a little more guilt to the mess in his mind, then it could mean safe passage to Asgard when the time comes. His hand slides down to my throat, a thumb brushing my collarbone. I breathe a little too loudly and it makes him start. “I’m sorry,” he says. But his hand stays where it is. The world is hazy, purple strips of evening fog lingering between the trees.

I close my eyes and say nothing. I hope he’s had enough to drink. No; I hope he’s had _far too much_ to drink.

He has. He reaches down to kiss me, his fingers slowly trailing the torn hem of my shortened dress. I giggle under my breath and lean backwards obligingly when he starts pushing me down. I wonder how he forgot we were in a _garden_ , in the open, where anyone can see us. But it’s late, after all. The bench is cold under my back. I wonder how far I have to take this, and some part of my conscience fuzzily notes that I feel no remorse whatsoever for what I’m about to do. And no expectation either, other than the satisfaction of once again having leverage on someone powerful. I can’t even feel mild guilt about Loki, considering this is all for him, in a way. A sentence pops into my mind, crossing time and space, fiction and reality. _The things we do for love…_ I sink my fingernails into Thor’s arms, pulling hard to tear at his skin. He shudders and brushes my lower lip with his thumb. “Why did I keep wondering what it felt like, seeing you look at me the way you look at him?” he whispers.

“Because you’re used to always having everything at your feet,” I answer. “Stop talking.”

“Jealousy… I never knew what it meant. Maybe that’s why I could never understand.” His fingertips trail the side of my arm. “If I had experienced envy before, maybe I would be more like him,” he whispers, and I know this wasn’t intended for me to hear.

“And yet,” he continues, “I can’t help trying to reach for what’s not mine to claim. War; the throne; you.” My heartbeat accelerates and I feel like maybe, I could take it just a little further, what would it change anyway? It would only –

Enough, Eileen. I let my arm fall and it knocks a tall glass down, making it crash loudly to the floor. That should remind him of reality.

It does. He freezes, straightens up. “What am I doing? This is wrong!”

I half close my eyelids. “We almost died, Loki. It isn’t wrong.”

Thor looks at me, and I relish the quarter of a second hesitation in his pupils. “I am… I am not… I… No.” He grabs me by the shoulders and sits me up. “I can’t take advantage of that. Eileen, you’re out of your mind; the poison, the drinks… I’m not Loki.”

I make my eyes open wide and I stare at him as if I saw him for the first time. I recoil. “What the? No! I’m sorry! No!” I shake my head. “Oh, my God!”

“Will you forgive me, Eileen? If you interfere, maybe Loki will consider not murdering me. Even if he would be entitled to,” he adds in a whisper.

“No! He can never know! Do you hear me?” I get up and waver a little. “You can never tell him, never!” He looks away in shame and doesn’t see me smile.


	13. Shadows and madness

The shadows enfolding the strange cave build a dark protection for me, but also for the Others. I can’t tell how many of them are lurking in between rocks, cracks and piles of stones. I don’t even know where I am or what I’m doing here. What is this cave, why this place, what am I here for? Cautiously, quietly, I creep from rock to rock, holding my breath not to disturb the silvery wisps of fog lacing the darkness. I hear whispers and faint voices, and I somehow feel like They are coming for me. How could they know where I am, I haven’t uttered a sound.

Stones tumbling; I don’t even start despite the surprise. I stand straight. Being silent and hiding will not prevent Them from knowing where I am. The folds of my dress swish on the hard dirt. Straining my eyes, I think I can make out darker shadows within the shadows, acutely aware that it might be nothing but wishful thinking, a delusional hope that I’ll eventually find an enemy to confront, something real, something with a face.

“Who is here?”

Cackling. More whispers.

“I am the Lady Sigyn, princess of Asgard, and I demand that you show yourselves!”

The cackling grows louder. I try to summon some energy in case They attack, but it seems the shadows are absorbing and weakening my powers.

A voice slithers to my ears. “Lady Sigyn, she says.” The whisper brushes past me, but I see nothing, no-one. I force myself to stay perfectly still.

“Haven’t we already met a Sigyn once?” another voice murmurs.

A third one answers, deeper than the others. “We have. We have.”

“Who is this liar?” asks the first one in trembling tones.

“I am no liar.”

“It matters not to us, sister.”

“Why am I here?”

“My, my…”

“Why are you here indeed?”

“Come with, lady Sigyn,” whispers the trembling voice.

“ _Princess_ of Asgard,” adds the deep one.

“Where are you taking me?”

They don’t answer. I feel three gusts of chilled wind compelling me to walk further inside the cave. I don’t think I could resist even if I wanted to, and anyway curiosity overcomes fear.

I can’t tell if we – I – walk for a long time or not. It seems I’ve barely turned a corner and yet I’m exhausted, my feet aching, my hands and dress covered in dirt as if I’d fallen repeatedly. Slight pain in my knees gives evidence for that, but I have no memory of falling. As a matter of fact, I have no memory of even walking. The walls of the tunnel are getting wider, and I find myself in a large cave, the three voices whispering. I understand they’ve never fallen silent, continuously feeding my ears mysterious sentences that I can recall only now.

“She can’t be Sigyn,” they’re still saying. That’s what they’ve been repeating for hours, probably, in their tireless attempt to exhaust my resolve.

“Can’t be, can’t be.”

“She is a liar, because Sigyn is still living here, as she has always been, and will always be.”

“Are you challenging the Allfather’s word?” I cry out. My voice comes out shallow and high-pitched, and I look around for an escape. “Who are you?”

They laugh, all three together, and their bliss is maddening, infuriating. I pick up a rock and send it into the shadows, hoping to hit, to hurt, or at least to frighten.

They only laugh louder.

“The Allfather’s word…”

“The Allfather’s word is nothing to us. Weak.”

“Weak…”

“And it is weaker here.”

“At its weakest.”

The deep voice chuckles. “The Allfather’s word…” she repeats. “He calls you little Weaver, he makes you this, makes you that, believes we will do nothing. Believes he has enough power.”

“He hasn’t,” another adds. “He is weak, and you are weak too, trapped in a turmoil you cannot possibly understand, facing forces you cannot possibly fight.”

I want to retort that I can fight anything, but something, a great fear, keeps me silent. This is beyond my understanding and my willpower.

“Forces that you do not wish to fight,” the deep voice slithers into my ear. A sudden chill makes me stumble forward. I fall on my knees, I realise I’m at the very edge of a cliff, a high shard of rock. Another foot and I’d be gone, swallowed by the dark pit. I cling to the dirt, trying to stand up, paralyzed by fear that They should push me over.

“Look at her, look at who he wants you to be. Who he turned you into.”

Under my eyes the darkness disappears. I’m looking at the traditional, ever copied scene: Loki, bound to the rock, writhing in his horrendous chains. Sigyn, catching the poison dripping from the mouth of a gigantic snake coiled on a rock over their heads.

The Sigyn glances at the cup, sighs, and slowly gets up to leave Loki’s side and empty the liquid. A drop of poison falls. When it hits the flesh, he screams and screams and the cave trembles. Sigyn stumbles on her way back, and I clutch the edge of the cliff harder, little pebbles rolling down my sides. When she looks up at the snake to position her cup again, her eyes meet mine. She smiles, a knowing, tired smile. A scream builds up in my chest, clogs in my throat: she has my face. Older, much older. My face, mingled with other faces. She smiles, and the cave trembles, and the rock glistens, reflecting her, reflecting me, and a thousand of others. I feel for the ground but up and down don’t seem to exist anymore, and neither do left and right or past and present.

The wet walls of the cave mirror a multitude of cursed couples, an infinity of Sigyns and Lokis, thousands and thousands of years and stories and pains bound together under the ground, linked together with airy wisps of purple light crawling all around them. A rampant growth of these strings is building up towards my cliff, closing up on me, preparing to swallow everything I used to be, and I think I fall but I can’t feel myself falling, I can only see the eyes, all the eyes of all the Sigyns, my eyes and strangers’ eyes, but they’re not exactly strangers, and I can only hear the whispers of the shadows. “You are not and yet you are the Faithful. The Allfather’s word is mighty but we decide who you are.”

Nobody wants my existence. I am an anomaly and the Fates themselves are against me; how am I meant to survive? What else can a woman do?

“He made you a prisoner and we can free you from his hand, little weaver, are you Sigyn?”

I remember Balder, warning me about Odin’s battle. The last stand. Manipulating me into becoming a weapon. Making every one of my breaths an act of war, every step forward an act of rebellion.

“Sigyn, the prisoner, the false weaver, little victoire weaver, he thought you could help, he thought the two of you could defeat us.”

I decide when I leave.

“But the little weaver can’t lie to us, can’t survive.”

I can lie to anyone.

I look at the scene down in the cave, and, pushing hard on my hands and knees, I manage to stand up. “I will find a way,” I whisper. I can’t let them win.

They laugh. “You have to leave, save yourself, or be condemned, and he will not be here to save you, more pain, more tears…”

“I will not renounce Loki,” I tell the shadows. Their cackle pounds inside my head, thump, thump. “Little weaver, weaver, weaver…” Thump, thump, WEAVER –

“WEAVER!”

I sit up, stifling a scream. The thumps are still thumping, both inside and outside my skull. Outside the skull is a room, with a door, and that’s where the noise comes from. “Eileen Weaver, do you hear me?”

“Yes.” The thumping stops. “Yes, I can hear you.”

I need a couple of seconds to stop being surprised that I’m not in that dreadful cave anymore. Earth. My quarters. Sofa; fell asleep. Okay, bad dreams, nothing more. Probably… I shiver. Of course this was more than a bad dream.

“Eileen?” And that’s Thor’s voice.

“I’m coming.”

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, give me a second.” Bad dreams… I get up, and sit right back again, feeling dizzy and nauseous. I grab the glass of water on the coffee table and drink it, slowly.

My second attempt is more successful and I manage to walk to the door and open it, letting into my rooms a quite distressed-looking Thor. He frowns when he sees me.

“Is there a problem?”

“Do I look so awful that even you are noticing it?”

“You took a long time to answer the door.”

“I fell asleep, that’s it. Just take a seat.” I make my way back to the sofa, trying to blink away the images still hovering in my mind. But he doesn’t move, doesn’t sit, and just stares at me. “What is it, Thor?” I’m so tired, if only I could go back to sleep, real sleep, dreamless oblivion…

“It’s… Loki. He attacked someone.”

“Loki what?”

This is important, it’s dangerous and important, I know it, yet it seems so remote… or maybe I’m remote. Everything is so far away.

“He was with Jessica smith, they were talking, and he… he had a fit of some sort. It seems he assaulted her, but it’s still unclear what exactly has happened.”

I just stare at Thor, wondering why he’s telling me all this, while a faint voice screams at me to snap out of this state of indifference and move, do something, defend myself.

“He knows better than lose control, there must have been something. Jess is a nice, polite –“ And then it hits me, hard and sharp: Loki attacked Jess. _Loki attacked Jess._ This is a catastrophe.

“Wait, what was she doing with him? Why was she even there? What does this mean? I had forbidden her…”

“Your advice was not taken into account.”

“See what happens when people don’t listen to me?” This is insane. Loki attacked Jess. What happened, what did she say, why did he get angry, I have to know. “Where is she now?”

“She’s in the medical wing, unconscious.”

“And of course they’re going to blame me!”

“They’re not distributing blame for the moment. Loki’s out of control, no one, nothing seems to calm him.”

“Did you try hitting him?”

He shrugs my sarcasm away. “I spoke with him, managed to understand that needed your presence. He’s ranting about Asgard, about death, about Balder, I can’t make sense of what he wants, except he keeps asking for you, he says you have to answer for betrayal.”

What in the Nine Realms is this about? “And you were allowed to come and get me? What justification…”

“There was disagreement, but…” He looks straight at me, his jaw set. “He’s my brother and you’re the only one who can speak with him and bring him to reason, and perhaps even understand what has happened.”

I try to hide the smile on my lips. “Thor, am I or am I not officially authorized to go and yell at my Asgardian husband?”

“You’re most certainly not. But something tells me that a restriction isn’t likely to stop you. And if they try… well, they’ll have to stop me too. Despite everything else, when it comes to a situation like this one, I know you’re my only ally, I haven’t forgotten it. I’ve never seen him in such a state, not even when he was consumed by hate and madness. This is something new, and he needs us.”


	14. Estranged

 

There’s still one guard between us and the door and he’s trying to prevent us from entering. Quite foolish of him.

“I’m sorry, Ms Weaver, but —”

“I have total clearance for this area, don’t pretend you don’t know who I am!”

“I know very well who you are. And that’s exactly why you can’t come in.”

“Let me inside this room or you won’t even have time to regret it.” I can feel the purple warmth pulsing in my stomach again.

“I will take full responsibility of what happens, soldier,” Thor intervenes. “You will not be blamed and your loyalty to orders has been duly noted. Now do as she says. I don’t want to have to force you.” I hear the familiar sound of a veiled threat in his voice.

The guard’s eyes meet Thor’s, then mine, and Thor’s again, and he breaks into a run.

“We won’t have much time.”

Thor nods briefly. “I will stall them as long as you need me to.”

The door opens. “The WEAVER!” Loki yells from inside the room.

His brother was right. Something is very wrong.

“Weaver zero zero eight.” I hope the trick will work, I have no wish to have the upcoming conversation recorded somewhere. “What happened, Loki?” He’s tied to a chair, in the middle of the room, and they’ve somehow screwed the seat to the floor so he wouldn’t be able to move at all. He seems angrier, more dangerous, and more insane than I’ve ever seen him, his face twisted with hate.

“They handcuffed me to a chair!” he says.

“Of course they did, you attacked someone!”

But his mind has already left the premises, he’s muttering something I don’t understand. It seems he said ‘Sigyn’.

“What are you saying?” I walk slowly, as if towards an animal that I don’t want to frighten with quick movements.

“They thought I wouldn’t see she wasn’t you. It was supposed to be just you.”

“You’re not making sense, Loki. Who are you talking about? It’s me, Eileen.”

“But you’re a traitor too!” It’s like he didn’t even hear me. “You were hiding. If I get rid of her they will send Eileen, I’ll see Eileen, I thought. And I was right, it worked, you’re here. They can’t replace you. And you can’t hide from me.”

“Are you referring to Jessica Smith?” He doesn’t answer. “But Loki, she was only here to talk to you. It was a mistake, they thought they were allowed, they didn’t even ask me. They’ll pay for that, dear, they will, I promise.”

“LIAR!” It makes me jump but don’t retreat. “You’re with them. You’re part of it.”

“Part of what?”

“The trap! The plan to trap me on Earth! But the witches, they told me, I went to speak to them in dreams, they owed me an old favour and they showed me your treason. I kept Odin’s secret, I never spoke about his decadent bargains. They owed me and when I asked they had to answer and they made me see, I asked if you were betraying me, if you too were a traitor to Loki, and they showed me. They showed me how Loki was lied to again.”

Forces I cannot fight… I can’t let him see my fear. “What are you talking about?”

“Untie me first.”

“I don’t think so, Loki, you’re too angry.”

“UNTIE ME! Or it will only be proof that you’re on their side.”

“Nobody but me is on your side, don’t you know that? How can you forget? I’ll take these off.” I look at the handcuffs, just plain metal ones. Loki didn’t even realize he could break them under a second. You wanted him to break them and escape, didn’t you, mortals? But our revenge plans seem so small and childish to me, now. I crush the metal with one hand and free the monster. I can’t help taking a few steps back as he gets up.

When my eyes meet his, he doesn’t smile. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t speak. I was already terrified by what is expected of me, the resistance I’m supposed to oppose to the forces that want to blot me out, and I can’t afford being afraid of him, my only ally and the reason I have to fight this battle. He must be on my side and never leave it again. And I will have won.

The hint of a smile appear on his face and I tense up. “You think yourself so clever, Eileen.”

“I have the arrogance to believe I am not stupid, indeed.”

His eyes detail me, the eyes of a hunter gauging the strength of the animal he’s about to kill, already mentally jointing and gutting it. He starts pacing the small room but I do not move an inch. “Eileen Weaver, setting up multiple traps, creating a thick web around her enemies. That was a nice part for you to play. But you went too far.”

This is going to hurt, I know it. “What do you mean?”

“And you are still playing. You don’t know where to draw the line, do you?”

“Be careful with your words, Loki. Be very careful.””

“Oh, but I’m always careful. I’m always careful and you are not careful enough.” He’s getting angry, steadily, coldly, I can see it in the way he moves. “Did you really think I wouldn’t see through your lies?” And here we go. “Ha, you did succeed in luring me into your plan, taking me here, talking about schemes and vengeance. What was your next move, once you would be sure I’d never come back to Asgard again, once you would have left me stranded here forever?”

“That was not –”

But he doesn’t let me speak. “All that time I was rotting in a cell, you were preparing your slow ascent to power in my world. It was my fault, I’ll confess it. I let myself trust you and believe in your laughable plans. But then, my dear weaver, you made one mistake.” He turns his back to me and I wait. “You could have continued fooling me if you had been more patient about your last move. But no, you had to prove you were better. You had to try to play with fire. I must tell you that I found it very disappointing, when I understood. A crude, ridiculous, childish mistake. My brother.”

“Loki, listen –”

“Thor. _Thor._ If your mind was as sharp as you claim it is, you would have known that this would make me see through your lies.”

“You must listen to me!”

But he continues, oblivious to the sound of my voice. I think I can see dark shadows all around him, but I blink rapidly and they disappear. “You will not fool me with the little tale you invented about thinking he was me. Thinking he was me!” This makes him so angry he turns around and looks straight at my face. His lips are quivering with contained rage. “I’m not even certain you put more than half a second of reflexion into that excuse,” he adds.

I close my eyes not to see the hate in his. “Loki, please, you have to let me explain.”

He leans backwards, as if the room was too small for him to stand being so close to me. “It’s too late to go back, now. You will not lure me again. You are not fooling me anymore, Eileen Weaver. You were careless enough to let me see your real face, and it will be a delight for me to expose you.” He smiles again, a parody of a smile. “I want you to understand what it means. It means that from now on, everything I do can be excused by you. I won’t even need to say it, everyone will invoke the grief, the regret, the – Ha! The _pain_ of losing you.” He starts circling around me, closing on to the spot where I’m still standing. I can hear whispers of hatred in his breathing. “You wanted to stop me? Defuse me? You have failed, Weaver, and I will make sure that your failure is total and irremediable.” He comes to a stop behind me and I can’t repress the shiver of terror. “You will never go back to Asgard. Never. I will not give you the opportunity to enthral my father or my brother again.”

His spite and hate ring in my ears, more intense and pure than ever in his voice before. He completes the circle and towers over me, only a few inches from my face but farther away that he’s ever been. I’ve laid a mask of hardness on my face.

“I can now destroy you. Crush you. Obliterate you.” He closes his fist, knuckles white with the effort. “Do you know what I do with spiders, when I catch one weaving its disgusting web in a corner of my rooms?” He laughs. “The Allfather wanted to make you goddess of Unconditional Love. I can hardly wait to tell him the truth about your behaviour with Thor. Oh, yes, I will tell all of Asgard myself.” His sick mind seems to be relishing the very thought of it. The room is growing darker, but I concentrate on him.

“Loki,” I start, and my voice is surprisingly steady, “Loki, listen to me. I will not lie to you.” There’s something strange about the light in that cell… “I didn’t think he was you, that day. I did it on purpose, to make him feel guilty. To have in him my debt.”

He scoffs and shakes his head, scorn rippling from his entire being. “Oh, my little weaver, you did nothing of the sort.” That’s it, I can see them now! “You wanted to run into his arms, I’ve always known it!” The shadows, they’re around Loki!

“What do you mean?”

 _It was just a matter of time_ , something whispers in his ear. “It was just a matter of time,” he repeats.

The Fates. They’re not even bothering to hide in a dream or send killers, this time, they’ve decided to travel to our dimension and make Loki take me out for good. There’s a shimmer in the darkening room. Fascination makes place for stupefaction, and then anger. “Are you trying to trap me?” I ask the foggy shapes.

“I didn’t try; I succeeded,” Loki answers. I look up at him, slowly, trying to stop myself from shaking. The gloom in his gaze tells me that the forces we’re meant to fight side by side have reached all the way into him, into his heart. He who should be my support and my strength, who should help me resist, now wants to remove me as well. And he will not simply push me out of the picture; if I let him, he will carve my shape from the body of the story, cut around me neatly in one surgical move and toss me away, without realizing what he’s done. The Sisters only had to fuel his jealousy, and he gave in to hate.

“Why, Loki? Tell me, why do you believe such a thing?”

“Freya, noble and proud Freya who hadn’t condescended to speak a word to me since I stole into her chambers once, came to warn me a short time before we arrived here. She told me that as soon as we’d be on Earth, you would go back to your old habits.”

“And what were my old habits, may I ask?” My tone is sharper than what I would have liked it to be.

“You know what I mean, you know it perfectly well. I told old Freya that she was wrong, but I needed to be sure. And unfortunately, you proved her right. You didn’t even have the decency to alter your behaviour, despite all the words you said, all the vows you made.”

“Because you’re of the sort who keeps his promises?”

“These promises I kept,” he snaps back. “You are not better than my father, calling me a liar and a fraud but unable to speak a word of truth.”

“I did no break any promise I made you!” I cry out. “I only did all of this to help us. Securing Thor’s support was essential, is essential. You don’t understand, there’s more to it than a few minutes of farce in a garden!”

“Ha! And it was natural that your best idea to secure his support, as you say, was to take your clothes off. You were quick enough to do so with me, after all. But at that time you were still mostly a degenerate human.”

“Don’t you dare insult me!” I swear I can hear them sneering at me, those wretched sisters.

“And what will you do? Attack me? You can try to hurt me if you want, I know you’ve been craving to do it since the moment you walked into this room!”

Fine by me.

I send the back of my hand across his face, throwing him off balance. I don’t feel the contact, numbed as I am. I think he hadn’t expected me to hit so hard and it takes him a few seconds of blinking and swallowing before he turns to me again. It didn’t cost me half a heartbeat and that fact scares me a little. The sharp engravings on one of my rings have lightly cut his skin and a minuscule amount of blood starts beading on his cheekbone. It doesn’t make me feel any worse for him.

He considers me for a split second, and the next instant he pushes me towards the wall, a hand around my jaw, his face distorted by… I can’t even tell what’s on his face. “Tell me,” he hisses through clenched teeth, “when did you realize you had chosen the wrong god, Eileen Weaver? When did you understand that the second son wasn’t enough for you, that you needed more glory, more power? Maybe you pictured yourself Queen of Asgard, someday.”

“Loki, I –”

“I’m sure you felt safe under the protection of my formidable brother. You will have to know that women make him weak.” He laughs insanely. “Is his grip that much stronger than mine? I wouldn’t want to give you a false impression; I’d hate to be unfavourably compared to the mighty Thor Odinson of Asgard!” He slides his hand to my throat and presses his thumb into the trachea, ever so lightly at first, pushing in slowly. “But I will not let him have you,” he whispers. “I will kill you both before that happens.”

I set my teeth and look into his eyes to read of the absolute necessity of the kill. I close my hands over Loki’s wrists and slowly pull them away. He snickers. “Do you really think you are strong enough to do that?”

Terrible strength accumulates in my arms and I manage to push him away. “I’ve survived you once, my love.” I look at the shadows, ignoring him. “I will not forsake Loki,” I whisper.

He stares at me for a second, surprised, then hurls himself at me with indistinct yelling. I yell too, prepared to beat the Fates out of him if needed, but Thor bursts through the door, adding more voice to the cacophony. He still isn’t fast enough to prevent me from dealing a blow to Loki, who stays on his feet for a split second before losing consciousness.

The next second, I feel something pointy in my arm.

“What is this?” Thor shouts.

“Carrying out orders, sir. This will calm Weaver down for a few hours.”

Indeed, I feel a fuzzy sensation of weariness invade my body. Their stuff I not nearly strong enough to put me to sleep, but I decide I’d better play along and I let myself fall into the soldier’s arms.

“Good,” someone else says. “Take her to the infirmary, she can sleep it off there.”

“My brother needs medical assistance too. I have reason to think that his fainting spells are nothing but natural.” There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence. “This is not open to discussion, Midgardians. Let me through.”

_I knew I could count on you, Thor._


	15. Heroes and villains

I keep my eyes closed for an hour or so, letting them carry me around and place me on some bed in the infirmary. I hear soldiers coming and going, Thor discussing appropriate surveillance for Loki, then announcing quite loudly that he needed to counsel with Asgard and would be back before nightfall to inform Earth of his father’s decision about Loki. Stark does try to protest but there’s an authority to the Thunderer’s tone that quiets everyone in an instant. After he leaves, there are only whispers and a few footsteps, and a steady breathing next to me, Stark’s breathing. My first idea is to wait for him to leave, but it doesn’t seem like he wants to. I simulate waking up, tossing and turning a little, then opening an eyelid. I spot him playing on his phone, sprawled over a chair next to the bed. I clear my throat.

“Hey, Weaver. Coming back to us?”

“Where am I? What happened?”

“Infirmary. You went to speak to Loki and he attacked you.”

“Really? I don’t remember a thing.” He doesn’t answer. “What have you done with him?”

“Thor arrived, and there was a bit of a fight. Loki’s here too,” he says, pointing at something on my right, “but he’s still… We don’t know. He seems conscious, but doesn’t respond to anything. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” Loki isn’t responding. I risk a glance around me. At the end of the room, there’s a closed door and three soldiers.

“Good.”

I sit up in the bed. “Good? I thought you didn’t like me?”

“I don’t trust you, that’s different. I also think you’re a criminal mastermind of some sort, or perhaps a mercenary. I’m not sure. I’ve done some research, but I found nothing. No secret stay in an obscure Tibetan training camp, no strange affiliations… Your name appears to be connected to many scandals involving politicians back in England, but…”

“But what, Stark? What exactly were you expecting to find?”

“I don’t even know.”

I grab the glass of water on the table next to my bed and drink slowly, looking away from him.

“Do you know who else is here?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Jessica Smith.”

“How is she?”

“We took her onto custody as soon as she woke up.”

I almost drop the glass. “Why? What has she done?”

He gets up, walks to a window and opens it. Loud sounds, the noises of an angry crowd, reach my ears. “This.”

“I don’t understand, Mr Stark. What is ‘this’? Why are these people here?”

“You already know that she went to Loki, without anyone’s authorization.”

“It wasn’t on your orders?”

“Oh, hell, no! We examined the footage. Again. And again. She went to tell him that his ‘army’ was ready. That his escape had been planned and would occur today, if he wished.”

“What in the Nine Realms are you talking about?”

He turns to me, frowning. Dammit, Eileen, get a grip! “I… I’m talking about treason, Weaver. It appeared that Jess Smith is a very active member of one of the most powerful groups calling themselves ‘Loki’s Army”. We found one of her multiple phones,” he says, taking out a mobile from his inside pocket. “She’s been feeding intel to Eyart all this time. Now he’s over there, with the other nutjobs. I still haven’t figured out how she could have done that without us detecting it.” He looks at the little mobile and puts it back in the pocket.

“Are you telling me that with all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s screening processes and all the… all the effing security and… you… she still managed to get _that_ close to Loki while keeping up with her activities, right under your nose?” He looks at his feet. “Ha! What a joke!”

“We did our best. I did _my_ best. We think she had help from inside.”

“Does that mean me? Sorry to disappoint you, but you’re very wrong. She fooled me too. I thought she was yours, sent to spy on me.”

“She played everyone here.”

“She counted on her innocent face, and on the fact that people don’t trust each other. Safe enough a bet to make,” I conclude with a smile.

“You _admire_ her!” Stark shakes his head. “She lied to us, might cause these people out there to be injured, of worse, in an attack on our buildings, and — ”

“Us? Our buildings? Are you now including me in your little friendship circle?” He freezes. “We found out that someone lied to both of us, that doesn’t make us friends. Or even allies.”

“What are you saying?”

“You’re trying to have me believe you now trust me because we have a common… enemy. But it isn’t true. Somehow you’re still thinking that perhaps I’m on the same side as Jess, Eyart and their deranged friends. Let me be very clear: I have nothing, you hear, nothing to do with the crowd out there.” _But I wouldn’t hesitate to use them if needed._

He sighs. “Strangely enough, I believe that. You wouldn’t associate with such people, but I can very well see you supporting the same cause.”

“Which is?”

“Allying to a war criminal.”

“War criminal…”

“Loki is nothing more than that.”

“And you’re just a very rich mechanic.” I get up and reach for my shoes.

“Loki is a murderer. It's as simple as that. And I refuse to see him as anything else than an insane killer, no matter what you or Thor might say.”

“So you picked someone like Jess Smith to try and unsettle the god of lies.”

“He is no god.” I smile at him. “You were chosen too, spoke to him every day and seemed to be doing just fine. I figured there were other women like you.”

 _There are no women like me._ “Can I have a look at this crowd without getting shot?” He nods. I look out of the window at the large gathering of loud people at my feet, yelling my husband’s name. There must be something I can use them for. They don’t look battle-ready, with their ‘Free Loki’ signs and their plastic armours, but they could provide a good deal of chaos. If only I could get my hands on that phone… Something like expectation runs down my spine; this might very well be my first battle. _And they still don’t know I’m an Aesyn,_ I remember.

“I've always wondered why Fury had chosen you, but apparently he had the right insight.” I frown. What is Stark trying to do with his flattery? Trap me? “Tell me, Agent Weaver, how do you do it?”

“How I do what?” I ask, turning to face him again.

“Survive. Keep your sanity. I've seen him, heard him, he can root something rotten, something rampant inside your brain, something that eats you up and leaves deep scars. And you don't seem to care. I find it… interesting.” I look into his eyes. He knows. I'm not sure exactly how much he knows, but there's no point in hiding. He wants me to betray myself anyway. I give him an amused smile and wait for the rest of his little speech. He indulges me with a faint shake of his head. “Or perhaps,” he continues, “perhaps you seem sane because you don’t have to resist every day. Perhaps you didn’t even want to try. Tell me, how did it happen? How did he win _you_ over?”

My smile disappears. _He didn’t have anything to ‘win over’._ “You don’t want to know the answer to that question.” None of us speak for a minute. The crowd chanting below becomes louder and louder.

“What are you hoping to do, Tony?” I ask. “Talk us into revealing everything to Fury? To Thor?”

“Cut the crap, I know Thor knows. And Fury’s always had a plan of his own when he brought you and Loki together. What I want to find out is whether you’re under Loki’s influence, and we might be able to do something about it, or if you’re just as sick as he is.”

“I’ll take both as compliments, thank you.” I look at the crowd again and spot Eyhart, yelling with the others. I truly can’t let this potential go to waste.

“I don’t like the look on your face, Eileen. Some plan is coming to life in that little head of yours and I don’t like it at all. Are you going to attack us with these people? Make them fight for Loki? No, you know they’re not an army, you’re not cruel enough to have them die for him, or even for you. You know you couldn’t win anyway. Loki didn’t win last time, and he had a real army. Now, there’s just this crowd and the two of you, and he doesn’t even remember how to speak. There’s no super powers, no magic, no flaunting-your-issues-to-the-world helmet… You can’t win.”

“But maybe… Maybe there’s nothing to win, Mr Stark. Maybe there’s just good, old-fashioned revenge.” I smile at him. “Or maybe none of this matters anymore. Maybe what I came here to do is unimportant. You are unimportant.”

“I know I have a bit of an ego, but you’re not even playing in the same league!” He smiles too.

I know that what he thinks should have no consequence to me now but there are so many things I want to say. And he’s still talking, always talking.

“What is there in it for you, Eileen? He will go back to Asgard and you will end up in prison with other mass murderers.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why is that? Why do you seem to believe he would take you with him? You can’t really imagine that you got close enough to him that this lunatic piece of alien ego would risk a drop of sweat for you! In any case, I would never let you leave.” He gets up and adopts a pose that most would find intimidating.

“You don’t get it, do you? I’m the lunatic, Mr Stark, and I’m not afraid of you.” He frowns. I keep the smile stuck on my face. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? Nothing has happened yet; the crowd is just a crowd, I am just a PR expert, and Loki is an injured enemy. We should talk. Or rather, I should talk, and you can listen.”

He doesn’t back away. He has courage, I’ll grant him that. Idiot. “We could help you hide from him. Whatever threats he made, we can protect you from them. I know you would never —”

“Silence.” I walk half a step towards him; it lasts half a second, but he flinched. I relish the feeling. “I would rather die a thousand deaths than come with you. I said that you were going to listen to me, and you should heed my advice. These are things I have never voiced.”

I could simply attack him and take the phone to try and contact the humans out there, but I need to do this first. If I am to be a supervillain, I will do it properly, and villains always make a speech. Now is as good a time as any other.

“Do you know what it is, Stark, to have such a clear vision of what people feel and think that you can read them as easily as an open book? To have the impression every of your own emotion etches a deep scar into your skin and heart, a thousand scars you can’t help scratching? I even believed I was an empath… For decades I heard how sensitive I was, how good a listener, how… sympathetic I could be!” I spat the word out. “And oh, the stories she invents, they are so nice and pretty. That’s when I knew people only read what they want to read.” _They only hear what they want to hear._ “My stories were never nice and pretty.” I swallow. “I hid the scars. Hid the reality. Concealed everything, mingling lies and truths until I didn’t know which was which.” _And I started not caring._ “But what could I do with these skills? Help people? Really? Ha! I listened to them, even when I didn’t want to, I was assaulted with their need for help, from all sides. And I listened. Have you ever tried it? When you truly listen, you hear the screams and the tears, and you uncover all the horrors inside everyone. Yes, everyone. I listened. And I remembered.” I can’t repress a shudder as memories of hundreds of confessions come back to me. “I remember everything,” I whisper. “It would have been a terrible, terrible waste not to put all the information to use, wouldn’t it? I couldn’t just let it rot inside my head. So I made use of it, seeking my own profit. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Use your skills for something.” I get closer to him. We’re the same size, but he seems so small and fragile, a mere human. “And let me be honest, Mr Stark, I know I’m not the best of women. But in my mind, I’m the only one worth my effort.” I pause to look at him. “It paid out in the end. How they all fight and scramble to feel better, the little mortals, about the things they do, the things they dream about. Terrible, horrible, frightening. I used to get nightmares about how easily we could tip into chaos and destruction. And you’re blaming me for simply acknowledging it? You blame me for not pretending that everything will be all right, one day?”

He seems utterly paralyzed under my gaze and my words. “Think about how easy it was for you to sell weapons and kill people. The world allowed you to do so. Hell, the world _needed_ you, you told yourself! If that’s what the world is like, how is your fault? So we could say that the world is allowing people like Loki and me to do what we’re good at: making it worse. Because that’s what we do, my dear, and nothing more, we force the world to look at itself and at the horrors it breeds. The world isn’t beautiful, Mr Stark; the world is ugly. I know it. You know it. And despite everything you believe, even you are not really making it any better.”

I turn to the window and look at the busy crowd, the curious passers-by who have stopped to wonder what is happening, who these people are. Humans. My kind. How pathetic.

“I’m not saying this isn’t our fault. Of course we should silence our egos and dreams of power and not slaughter our peers. We should, and we could. We just choose not to. And if the world can only bring you to counter people like us, then the world is getting what it deserves.”

There’s a short moment of silence.

“It’s such a shame,” Stark breathes out. “I liked you. You’re a waste of intelligence.”

Waste. A waste of intelligence. _A shame_.

He knows I’m just about to lose control, he guesses the intention of attack in my eye, but he isn’t fast enough and I hit him once, twice, fists slamming into his face, knee into his stomach. He falls, and so does the phone.

He sees it too. “Eileen, don’t!” I kick him again and pick up the little mobile. The screen is shattered but I can still go through Jess’s explicit texts to Eyhart. _Ready when you are_ , the last one reads. I hear the soldiers’ heavy footsteps approaching.

“No! Stay at Loki’s door!”

They hesitate just long enough for me to knock them out and grab a couple weapons in one hand while the other types the three letters I need. _NOW._

Send.

I grin at Stark.

An overwhelming roar rises from the human crowd. “What have you done?”

“I have literally no idea. But we’ll find out pretty soon.”

There’s a rumbling sound, then more yelling, and a loud explosion makes the walls tremble. Stark falls again, but I stay on my feet, stable as ever.

“Now, you have two options. You can go and try to save as many people as you want, and we walk away without causing any more harm. Or you decide to stay and try to stop me. But I’ll have to kill you and we will escape anyway, and your sacrifice will serve no purpose.”

“You’re… you’re letting me leave? You know I’m going to get more people to stop you.”

“That’s entirely up to you, Stark. I don’t want any of these people to die, I don’t even want _you_ to die. I just don’t care if you do.”

I turn around, not concerning myself with him. He, and all his kind, are unimportant now. I have a Loki to save. And if I can rescue reality at the same time, we’ll probably be all be the better for it, even if I will never be the heroine people thank.


	16. Power

I can sense the Fates’ presence from outside the room. I unhinge the door and see Loki lying on a bed, medical equipment monitoring his state. His eyes are open, but he’s looking at the ceiling and doesn’t seem to have heard me come in. There are shadows all around him.

“Loki, I’ve come for you” No reaction. “It’s me, it’s Eileen.” I get closer, chasing the smoky imprint of the Sisters with my hands. “Loki, we have to leave now. I’ve created a diversion, but…” He still doesn’t move, doesn’t even acknowledge that something has changed in the room. For all I know, They’ve plunged him into a state of consciousness from where he can’t hear me. How are we going to escape? “I need help!” I yell, hoping Thor will react. I hear cackling laughter.

“For Yggdrasil’s sake, I’ve done everything I could!” I bend over the unmoving body on the bed. “Loki, listen to me, not to Them! Maybe their power is stronger than mine will ever be, than even the Allfather’s can be, but you forget something, _They_ forget something.” My throat tightens, it’s a struggle to speak. “I died for you. Twice. By the insane laws that govern myths, there should be some power in that, right?” I cough, hard. It’s painful. “I can help you, Loki, you have to wake up and come with me. Wake up!”

He still doesn’t move, doesn’t bat an eyelid.

We have to run or it will be too late. If the mortals come back with reinforcement, which I know will happen, we’re lost; I can’t fight an entire army alone. I don’t even know if I could fight one of them. Everything is lost, because Loki didn’t trust me. I’m tired, so tired of all this. Why do I have to die in this battle? Why do _I_ have to sacrifice anything? I could save myself. I was never good at being selfless, after all. I could leave him here and run away, on my own. I still have time, I think, I could flee and hide somewhere, and call to Thor, have him come and get me, go back to Asgard, to Odin, and we’d find a way to get Loki back from the Fates all together. He is lost to me now, I know it. Perhaps he doesn’t even remember his own existence.

I can sense my mortal enemies getting nearer, the menace of their angry breaths echoing towards me, relishing on my vulnerability. They’re here. If they catch me, if they catch us, there will be no going back again. I didn’t get to stay the villain for very long, after all. How did ever think I could do it anyway?

“They’re in here,” someone says. Stark maybe. I don’t care. But he did say they could hide me, maybe I could turn this around.

I lay a hand on Loki’s arm. “I was prepared to give my life, my strength, my sanity for you, Loki. I would have done anything to remain yours, and I would have forgiven anything. But there is so much more to all this than you thought there was, and you’re not the first victim. Maybe there wasn’t a chance for us, for your father to win.” Maybe there’s nothing I can do for any of us anymore.

I feel my Asgardian abilities slowly leaving me, but then again perhaps it’s only my imagination, since I can also see three smiles floating in the room, young, old, and ancient.

Arms, human arms drag me away from Loki. I want to resist, and I do, I hit someone. They’re calling themselves by their super names, half of which I have only heard but could never meet the incarnation of. And they’re all coming at me. Me, little Eileen Weaver. They will never know my real name, I have to give them my real name, but my tongue is heavy; words refuse to come. Stronger arms pull me away from the bed, I kick and bite and hit in vain. Just let us escape, fools, this is beyond you, if I die here you’ll disappear. But you won’t even notice, will you, you won’t even know that you never existed.

I can’t fight them. I have failed.

I look at Loki, one last time, and I can’t even find the strength to apologize, to him, to the Allfather, to Balder. To everyone, I wish I could say I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough.

It doesn’t matter. The Fates are extending a shadowy hand. They know they’ve won, they know I will turn to them in the end. I reach out and my fingers touch the hand.

The arms holding me back vanish, the screams disappear, and I fall.

 

***

 

I see myself falling, feel the fall for long minutes, and notice the dark shadows on the floor getting nearer, and it seems an eternity before I reach the ground, landing gently on the dirt. I’m not in the infirmary bedroom anymore, but back in the Fates’ cave, their shrill laughter splitting my head open.

“Look! Look at yourself, little Weaver!”

“Accepting our help, after all…”

“Loki isn’t hearing you.”

“He has forgotten.” I can’t get up. The floor is covered in purple and black streaks of smoke, streaming around my weak body. I breathe them in and they fill my lungs, making me sick.

“He will wake up!” I manage to breathe out.

“What if he does?”

“You have to save yourself while it’s still possible!”

The fumes are getting thicker, more and more solid.

“Or we will never let you go.”

The purple strings are gathering around my hands and knees, writhing, obeying the three shadows’ words, tying me to the other damned goddesses in the cave. My hands are covered in the ropes, they’re climbing up my arms, pinning me to the dirt, reaching for my neck, forcing my eyes to look at the horror of my future, etched in the rock a thousand times and a thousand more. The sheer energy in the magical strings forces me to my feet and I try to claw at the thickening matter wrapping itself around me. The cave trembles. My hand closes on something hard under the ropes of destiny, and I pull; black and gold, glistening with light, a stronger, older, more powerful thread is locking itself around my body, choking the air out of my chest.

“We can still free you from those shackles.”

“We can offer you rest. Sleep. Dreams of bliss for all eternity.”

Sleep. How I longed for eternal sleep, once. Why wouldn’t I accept? I have done everything I could.

“There is only one word to say.”

“And we will let you rest.”

The solid gold cord pulses under my palms, warm. It isn’t tightening anymore.

“And you will rest forever.”

I let the tip of my fingers run on the large rope.

“Choose wisely.”

“Or you will suffer eternal pain.”

I stagger to the edge of the cliff and look down towards my future.

The golden chains are everywhere, wrapped tight around Sigyn’s ankle, her wrist, her waist or her neck sometimes, in every reflection of myself, every iteration of her, without exception. The lady down in the cave, the one who was there the first time I came, lifts her head and looks at me.

She gives a sharp pull to her part of the chain and I stumble forward, almost falling down.

I scream and claw harder at the black and purple strings, trying to tug the chain away.

“She is still fighting, still trying to escape!” An irate Fate yells.

I get a fleeting vision of my body on Earth, limp and empty. I can sense puzzlement in the minds of the soldiers back there; they know they have nothing to do with my state, but they don’t understand.

“She doesn’t understand…”

“When will you understand?”

“You have to obey us, little one. Lay down your arms, renounce your folly, and we might show mercy.”

Renounce? I feel another tug and turn my eyes towards Sigyn. She smiles gently and bends down to pick up more chain, more golden light. Looking at me, she wraps it around both her wrists and straightens up. Her hands contract on the chain, and it becomes even brighter. It seems she starts growing, taking more and more room in the cave. The chain infuses her veins with gold, I can see her blood turning to light and her eyes, never leaving mine, fill up with purple. Her face changes, her features blur suddenly only to morph again, clear-cut and regal. I am now staring at myself, but stronger, harder, more beautiful and dangerous.

 _Become the Faithful,_ she seems to be saying. Her whisper echoes inside my skull.

I have already heard this, I remember.

_Become Sigyn._

I know what I have to do.

_Allow yourself to feed on the eternal energy flowing within the threads._

I nod at the other me.

“I choose power,” I whisper.

“What did she say?” a Fate shrieks.

“I will not renounce,” I say louder, turning my back to the pit. It doesn’t matter if I fall, now. This cave is where all my strength has been.

         “But you must!”

“I believe you have offered me a chance to choose my path. This is it.”

Another series of shrieks pierce the air. “Who?”

“Who is this one, to refuse our mercy?”

I close my fingers on the golden rope. Nothing can hold me back now.

“My name is Eileen Victoire Weaver, and I take my fate into my own hands.”

I pull hard and more gold gathers at my feet. Nothing to lose.

“I was born on Earth, live on Asgard, and will only die on a battlefield at the end of all worlds.”

The other streaks, black, purple, iridescent, billow around me, obeying the impulse of _my_ voice now.

“I was given the powers of an Aesyn by Odin Allfather, master of war and words.”

The disbelief on the Sisters’ faces is a delight, set out by the bright light emanating from the golden Thread. Their mouths open and close but their voices are silent to me now. I wrap the heavy gold around my chest, waist, legs, and head, armouring myself with its strength.

“I have no shame of my past nor fear of what is to come, and I stand before you now to claim what is mine.”

I grow taller and taller, breathing, drinking from the power I now possess, a power that finds its source beyond Loki and I, beyond the names of the lovers and spouses, beyond the very concept of love and faith. Sibling to the bonds that links Thor to Mjolnir, of the same persistence that grant Heimdall his senses, of a similar complexity that give Loki his magic, the ancient strength fills my being and overflows me.

“I am Sigyn, and I will not forsake Loki.”

They scream and disappear, releasing an incredible energy, and the cave implodes.

 

At the very same time, back on Earth, a wave of energy is expelled from my body, destroying everything in its path.

I immediately switch back to this dimension, in the crumbling building. Unconscious bodies are scattered in the rubble, Loki on his back among them. I’m on my feet and I have no idea how. Purple streaks of energy are whirling around my hands and arms. I know I can control them.

A metallic noise makes me look to my right.

Stark gets up, opens his helmet and stares at me, too surprised to even attack. “Who are you?” He’s almost screaming. “ _What_ are you?”

“My name is Eileen Victoire Weaver. On Asgard, the gods call me Sigyn.”


	17. Family

The place is in utter chaos. The façade has been completely ripped off, screams are coming from the ground and the corridors around this wing of the building. I rush to Loki. His eyes are closed now, he doesn’t seem to be in the Fates’ control anymore, but he is still not reacting.

A soldier pushes me away. “No! Let me!”

“What do you want?”

“We just want to leave this place and go back where we belong!”

Stark turns me around sharply. “You belong in a cell!”

The energy is concentrating in my palms. I’m ready to fight him, now. Ready to fight the world if needed.

“Stark, listen to me, in the name of everything you hold dear. This is more important than my revenge or your anger! More important than what you think justice is!”

“You bad guys always think you’re so essential.” He is getting dangerously near. I hold up my hand and create a mesh of energy to keep him at a safe distance.

“You don’t understand!” I hope he understands I could destroy him. “It’s beyond bad or good or whatever is in between. Let us leave.” He doesn’t back away. He’s calling more reinforcement. If they make me end this in a bloodbath, I will never hear the end of it. “Heimdall! Thor! Anyone, if you can hear me, take us out of here. Allfather, I know you’re watching, I have something for you, to help you win.” I hope they do something. “We can win!”

I may have control over my powers, but I still can’t fight when I’m distracted. I was so intent on my message that I let my energy shield weaken just enough for Stark to get through it. Metal hits my face and I fly across the rubble and dust. _Ow_. I am definitely not done with pain.

The metal suit hovers over me. “I don’t know who you think you are, Weaver, but let me tell you that I —”

He’s catapulted away from me in a screech.

“She told you who she is. You should listen to my wife when she’s speaking.”

I can’t… This is… “Loki!” Tears of relief sting my eyes. “Loki, you’re back.”

He bows his head, smiles, and dusts his clothes, disdainful and delicate. I want to laugh. He draws nearer and helps me up.

“You took your time…”

“I was… otherwise occupied. The Fates had decided to feed me lies about you. About everything. I thought you were my enemy until the moment you chased them from me. And even then, they retained power over my conscience. I thought you had abandoned me.”

He looks around him, slowly taking in the extent of the destruction.

“Then how… ? How did you come back?”

“I was caught in dreams, in visions of different realities, but every time your voice would reach through. I heard you, repeating that you wouldn’t abandon me, and I clung to that, even in the dimensions where you didn’t exist. I could always hear you.”

I wish something more dignified than take that, Fates, had come up to my mind. But it doesn’t matter. Loki is back, and we can escape that rock I used to call home.

“What do we do now, Eileen? What was the rest of your plan?”

I frown at him.

“Did you even have a plan?”

I walk towards the gaping hole to look at the street below and spot something in the sky, approaching at great velocity.

I turn around and smile at Loki. “Actually, yes. Our ride home is there.”

 

 

I barely have time to register the silver armour glistening that we are snatched away and propelled onto dirt. I get up in a hurry, look around long enough to understand that we are neither on Earth nor Asgard, and spin to find Loki and his brother. They’re standing face to face, eye to eye. Thor is trembling with anger. His wrist initiates a rotating movement and dread spreads to my stomach. I throw myself between them. “Thor! Don’t!”

“He killed… He…”

“That was _me_ , Thor. The explosion, the fight. It was all my doing!”

“But without him, you would never have become… Never got near my friends… He made you a weapon!” He lets go of the hammer. He’s more sad than angry.

“And I told you that I would do anything to go back to Asgard. Anything. Loki was under threat and I reacted. You should have listened to me. I warned you, Thor.”

Loki wipes blood from his face, leaning heavily on me. “Let him kill me. He would be pleased, without a doubt.” He’s shaking a little, his face distorted by bitterness as he looks straight into his brother’s eyes. “I am a cumbersome obstacle in his way to a world full of peace and tranquillity, am I not?”

“I do not wish your death, Loki.”

“And yet if you killed me now and made sure I stayed dead, this time, you would have everything. The glory, power, and even her,” he spits out, indicating me with a sharp movement of his chin. “Everything that was once mine.”

Thor’s eyes slide from Loki’s face to mine. “I have repeatedly explained that I do not wish for what is yours. But these people are my friends, and you –”

“And I am not even of your blood,” Loki interrupts him. “Why would you defend me over them?”

“And you harmed them! This is the third time you bring your hate to this planet, Loki. How can I forgive you? What brother acts in such a way?”

Loki straightens up, vibrating with anger, and I take a few steps to the side. “Did you ever stand up for me, Thor? Not when we were children, I have buried that time away, but since I came back from the dead? I don’t recall hearing you defend me when your friends were ready to slaughter me, neither did you protest when I was sentenced to prison or come and visit me as I was tortured under your – father’s – orders! I will not say I was hoping to see you, but even you can understand I should feel resentful. You, like Odin, like everyone else, just pretended nothing had changed, decided that balance had been found again. Balance for whom, may I ask? And even when I accepted the lesson, accepted that there was worth to be found in your beloved humans, to the point of choosing my life’s companion among them, it wasn’t enough, I had to pay some more. I would have left them alone forever, after Eileen.” _Now that’s a lie, my darling._ He takes a heavy breath before continuing. “I comply, I obey, I bow my head and bear through it all, trust you with my wife’s life. And what happens? You let her be harmed, poisoned, and take advantage of her weakened state to steal her from me! Tell me, Thor Odinson, tell me how you dare call yourself my brother!” Loki’s voice catches in his throat; tears glisten in the green-blue eyes. “You never saw me as such, even when only Odin and Frigga knew of my true origins. How could you delude yourself into thinking that your forced mercy, your newfound kindness would ever catch up for all the years of neglect?” Thor blinks, taken aback. I’m worried the wounded little brother argument might not work, this time, but Loki seems to know what he’s doing. “If you had the slightest interest in my well-being, you would have prevented your father from forcing me to participate in this masquerade of a judgement. Since when do mortals judge their gods?” he explodes, a groundswell of anger and resentment shattering the control to pieces.

I know who he is, what he is, how good a liar he can be, but his rage strikes me with such strength that it has to be genuine. There’s a purity to his hate, a cleanness in this response to the petty slights in his life that makes me want to reach for the core of the violence, the origin of the hatred. _My Loki._

Even Thor vacillates under the waves of anger pouring out of his brother, but Loki seems to be calmer already, regaining control.

“But, Loki,” Thor mutters. “You seemed…contended. Ready to accept… We thought that with her… With Eileen…” His struggle for the appropriate words gives no result.

Loki smiles and extends his hand towards me. I take it, hesitantly at first, but as he draws me near him I feel more confident. He kisses my fingers. “Did you think having a woman at my side would distract me from vengeance and violence, because that worked for you? Eileen is not your Jane. They are as estranged from one another as we are.”

“Did you believe I hadn’t seen it, bro– Loki? I couldn’t consider her as my enemy more than I do you, but I never understood –”

“Why your father, in all his wisdom, would never offer your woman what he gave Eileen?” Thor nods. “Have you asked?” Loki’s voice has that attentive, almost caring edge that indicates any answer given will be used against whoever it is he’s talking to, enemy, friend, lover. I’ve learnt to recognize it, but apparently Thor hasn’t.

“I have,” he says. “But all my endeavours to elicit an answer from Father have failed.”

Loki smirks, looking pleased. “At least we now have something to share: the sentiment of having been played by him.”

The glaring between the two gods has gradually ebbed into expectant staring.

Thor frowns and shakes his head a little. “You will not make me doubt my father. Every decision he makes is for the best.”

“Including sending me to Earth?” Thor says nothing. “You knew this was a terrible idea, and yet you let it happen. What brilliant decision has the Allfather made concerning the punishment for these new crimes of mine?”

“He hasn’t informed me yet. I was told to leave you there while you wait for judgment. The other gods are demanding that you be executed, and Sigyn too.”

“Odin will never accept it,” I say. If he does, he will have failed. Are the Fates counting on the Aesir pressuring him into this? It might be their last option.

“Leave us here? On Vanaheim? What purpose would that serve?”

“Keep you away from Asgard. Father said something about powers greater than he expected.”

“And then what? We will never be executed. We might be separated, imprisoned, tortured maybe. But we will escape, me first, or maybe her, and Asgard will regret it. Because there is another certitude here, Thor, one that I suspect has escaped your understanding. When I am hurt, and if I am killed, whoever touched me or gave a single command will have to face the wrath of my wife. Do not doubt it. She will find every one of them, and they shall experience pain beyond measure, pain enough to make them long for the sweet,” he whispers into his brother’s ear, “quiet oblivion of death.” He snickers. Thor looks at me, uneasiness dissolving into fear. “If her powers are taken, I hear you wonder. I shall answer you: even mortal, she will not forgive. Believe me, brother, for this is not a lie, this is not a trick. It’s nothing but a promise.” He pauses. “And if I survive to learn that she was harmed… the Nine Realms will never be wide enough for you to hide. She knows she can trust me on this; she’s the only one who can.”

Thor looks at Loki and I, his face inscrutable at first. Then something in us brings a grim satisfaction to is face.

“What do you want, Loki?”

“I only want what you begged me to want last time my murders brought you here; I want to go home. I just ask that you make sure our father listens to what my wife has to say, if needed.”

Thor’s face softens, the shadow of a triumphant smile flickering over his lips. “I will face the Allfather’s wrath if I disobey.”

“Allow me to believe I will remain the focus of his ire, dear brother,” Loki grins.

Somehow, that makes Thor laugh, and Loki knows he’s won. The hammer back in his hand, Thor seems to deliberate how he will explain the situation.

I whisper into Loki’s ear, “You’re beautiful when you’re being Loki.”

I send my arms around his neck and kiss him hard. He crushes me against his chest, tangling his fingers in my hair, and I try not to feel the desperation in him as we steal one last moment out of time and slaughter.

“We have to go.”

Loki keeps his arm tightly hooked around my waist, and gives a sharp nod to his brother. Lightning cracks and we’re sucked into darkness.


	18. The fabric of Reality

If Heimdall was surprised at seeing Loki and I appear alongside Thor, he doesn’t show any trace of it. We can hear voices, cries, protests. “What is the reason of such rowdiness outside the Observatory?” Thor asks, commanding.

“Your return was much expected, my Prince,” the Gatekeeper answers, casting a rapid glance at me. “They will be… somewhat surprised.”

“Strangely enough, I have a feeling that I won’t find the reception committee to my taste,” I mumble. Thor looks around, unable to decide what to do next, and Loki stands still, composed and regal, but I can spot the tell-tale, albeit discreet, signs of worry. I take a deep breath and march towards the Bridge. We can’t avoid it anyway, let’s do this now.

The two brothers catch up with me swiftly as I step out. There is a goddamn crowd out there, almost a mob, yelling abuse the very instant they see us. I steel myself and slide my hand through Loki’s arm. “United we stand,” I whisper. He doesn’t answer me.

We’ll have to walk through the hateful crowd to reach Odin and the other Aesir who are waiting at the other end of the bridge. They break into whispers and protests when they see Thor has brought us back, but the cries of the crowd around us are too strong to try and heat the others. I hope Loki won’t lose control under the insults.

I spot a stone flying towards Loki at great speed and open my mouth to shout warning, but he’s caught it already. Thor has seen it too and frowns, swinging Mjolnir menacingly. The wall of citizens that had started to close on us retreats a little, heaving hate and spitting scorn in many languages. Loki’s eyes jump from face to face, taking in every single person insulting him.

“There’s no way we’re taking revenge on that many people,” I say through clenched teeth.

“I am simply assessing whether someone here matters to my father enough for threats to his life to be of use.”

“Good thinking.”

“Thank you for endorsing me,” he says with a grin.

When we reach the assembled gods, a line of guards has taken place in front of them. The Allfather is eyeing them wearily. He knows they won’t be of much use if it comes to an actual fight between all of us.

“What is this, Thor?” Odin asks. “Why have you brought them back?”

We all speak at the same time.

“Father,” Thor starts.

“I couldn’t be separated –” I plead.

“Allow me to explain,” Loki begs.

“I will not accept –” the Allfather snaps.

“Enough!” Odin, Loki, Thor and I fall silent, and search for who has spoken. Blonde, ravishing, bejewelled Freya has stepped forward, brimming with anger. “Isn’t it time lies were punished?” she calls out. The crowd falls silent behind us. “We all know the destruction Loki and Sigyn have caused on Earth. They are not worthy of sitting among the Aesir!”

“When did you start caring for that planet, sweet Freya?” Loki sneers. “A world you called a ‘piece of rock peopled with primates’ last time we talked about it?”

“Silence!” Odin commands.

Nobody obeys.

“I refuse to stay silent,” Freya retorts.

I decide to say something. “Please, Freya, you of all people must understand. Goddess of love, you have to — ”

“Ha!” Her joyless laughter cracks through the air, hard as the bridge below our feet. “You dare call to me and my mercy! The Sisters had warned you, Allfather, of how the mortal whore would deceive you!”

Thor’s reaction is immediate. “Lady Freya, –”

“I will not be insulted!” I let the energy pulse to my hands.

“Eileen, don’t,” Loki urges me. “If you attack her, we’re lost.”

 _Fine_. “Let us speak to the Allfather,” I call out.

There’s a moment of hesitation while Odin deliberates how the crowd and the other gods will react if he indulges me. Probably not very well, if the cries of ‘traitors’ and ‘liars’ and ‘murderers’ are to be believed. The king opens his mouth to command, when something explodes just on Loki’s left. Thor springs, Loki swings me towards the centre of the bridge and I get ready to strike back, but there’s another explosion that thrusts me far from him. I get up before any citizen has had the chance to get nearer, but arms close around me and I fall back down.

“Let go!” I yell.

“No,” a familiar voice answers.

I stop struggling. “Asuyia?”

My little maid helps me to my feet. “My lady, you must stay out of harm’s way.”

I turn my head to where I stood not a minute before. Thor is more or less protecting Loki, Freya is laughing, Sif and others are trying to contain the angry crowd – and failing. Odin seems struck dumb, not reacting in any way to the chaos all around him, and a handful of other gods have fled towards the palace and are still running wildly. My head snaps to the other end of the bridge, where Heimdall stands motionless, eyeing the turmoil calmly. I have trouble believing what’s under my eyes.

“I must go and help Loki!” I tell the maid. _Why isn’t Odin putting a halt to this mess?_

“You can’t die! Balder charged me to keep you away from fights.”

“Balder? Where is he? What has he told you?”

“I’ll explain later, please, follow me to the Palace, I must take you somewhere safer!” She pulls at my hand.

“Here she is!” some angry voice shouts. “And someone is helping her!” Asuyia is wrenched away from my sight by two citizens, their faces distorted by triumphant hatred. One of them has apparently stolen a spear from a guard.

“You wanted the traitor to escape justice?” another one asks, slapping her hard in the face.

“Leave her, she’s just my maid!”

“You have no idea of the threat over Asgard if she dies,” Asuyia tries to explain, spitting out blood. “Let her be!”

“How dare you speak to your betters in such a way, maid?” And he hits her again. The spear spins in the air and smashes against Asuyia’s temple. I watch her fall dead, blood gushing from her cracked skull. She died protecting me, I realize. She was one of my allies, and she was killed for it.

“Enough deaths in your name, traitor,” Asuyia’s killer tells me. “Come with us now and no harm will come to you.”

_Yes, enough deaths in my name. A goddess must always protect her people._

I tilt my head to the side and send a powerful blast to the man’s stomach. He slides on his back and topples over the edge of the bridge. The others are staring and I kill them one after he other before breaking into a run towards the rest of the fight, energy crackling from me.

“Eileen, no, keep control!” Loki’s yelling at me from afar.

“I am in control, my love,” I answer, my voice echoing everywhere around us, louder than ever. “I will never lose control again, and all of you know it.”

I am Sigyn, and I made myself a goddess. The golden chain I stole in the cave is warm and comforting inside of me.

The purple light emanating from myself again, I feel for the fabric of reality, for everything in Asgard. I don’t even have to focus or concentrate to do it. The power ripples in my veins, streaks of hissing energy swirling around my wrists and fingers. A flick of the hand, and they reach everywhere, a thousand of invisible snakes slipping in between the atoms of air, metal and glass. I can sense Thor’s energy signature, a burning silver blast blinding almost all the others; I can sense the fragility of the flowers and the millenary foundations of the Palace. I feel numerous Asgards under my extended reach, blurry snapshots of alternate worlds superposed to mine. “Can you feel this, Asgardians? Do you know what it means?”

Anger; surprise; fear. Screams when the bridge cracks under my feet. I send one streak to consolidate it, but I can’t. It seems that I can undo the structure of everything, but not put it back together again.

I am destruction.

I am ruin.

I laugh.

Thor is backing away. Everyone is, Freya, the soldiers, the citizens, even Loki. Odin is the only one to stand his ground.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“Freedom for Loki.”

“Never!” Freya yells. “See, Allfather! You should have obeyed the Sisters! See what you have brought upon us!”

A second of concentration on a few selected streaks, and I blast the harbour away, destroying most of the ships stationed there. “Wrong answer.” I can see images of other Asgardian harbours crumbling down, in other realities. Buildings are falling slowly throughout space and time, because I wanted it so.

“Enough, Eileen.” I feel a strain on my power, Odin’s presence. He isn’t trying to stop me, just letting me know that he could if he wanted to. “You said you could help me win. Let me hear you out.”

I don’t answer.

“No harm will come to Loki,” the king says.

“You have my word,” Thor adds.

They both know better than lie to me at this moment. I withdraw the energy; the other worlds disappear.

The Allfather gestures me towards the Palace, and we walk in deadly silence.


	19. Wherever my ravens fly

We enter the first room with a door that the king can find, and he chases two servants from it. They run, but not before casting a horrified glance at me. I draw near a windowpane, curious. Looking back is a woman — the shape of a woman. She doesn’t look quite like me anymore. The hair is the same, long, black and shiny, the outline of the face reminds me of my own high cheekbones and thin lips. But the eyes are large pools of dark, with almost no white, and purple veins crisscross a deadly pale skin. It is the face of a monster, not from Earth nor Asgard. I am beautiful.

I turn around, smiling. Odin hands me a glass of wine. “What happened?” he asks. “Eileen, what happened that changed you so much?”

“You don’t know, Allfather? Your eye doesn’t see as far as the Norn’s dwellings?”

His jaw clenches. “You know it doesn’t. Now isn’t the time for provocation, Eileen. I am not your enemy.” I scoff and take a sip of wine. “I have made mistakes, I will not deny it. I wanted to use you as a lever, and I’m sorry if this antagonized you.” This is a moment to remember; I have grown so dangerous that the King of Asgard himself is apologizing to me. _I will never accept anything less from my life._ “But you have to trust me. I am not your enemy.” He pauses. “Please, tell me what happened. I must know.”

I swish the wine around my glass. “I stole something from the Norns’ cave.” He goes pale. “I am unsure as to how I did it, or what it exactly means. It gave me more strength and power than ever, that is all I know. I can see across the realities now, across the stories.” I look at my hands. The purple veins are dimming; I must be regaining a more conventional appearance as the power ebbs deeper within myself. “They… I was fighting, on Earth, and they stole my consciousness; they brought me to that cave. It wasn’t the first time, I had seen this hole before, they tried to scare me by putting all the Sigyns under my eyes. But… But all of this pain, this agonized love… It was all linked together, with a — a magical… yes, I suppose I can use this word here. A magical chain, heavy, golden, runs between all of the Sigyns. I suppose it can only be seen when the Sisters choose to show it to someone. I also think that a similar link connects all of the iterations of all the people in our stories.” Odin nods slightly. “And the Sigyns recognized me. Accepted me as their own. They showed me how to use the link for myself. You see, the chain is not clamping me down, Allfather. I have chosen to attach myself to it. There’s a part of it in here” I instinctively place a hand over my solar plexus. “Sigyn’s pain. It makes me what I am.”

The king pours himself a second cup of wine. “There’s incredible power in pain.” I nod. “But the blast… You managed to escape from their sleep. Even Loki didn’t, he only woke up because you weakened their influence everywhere in the universe.”

“It didn’t happen only once. I escaped every time I told them I refused to renounce Loki. They just let me go; or had to. I don’t know. The last time… I was too powerful, or maybe I surprised them. I told you, I have no idea how all of this exactly happened.” I finish the drink. “I just remember that I didn’t want Loki to believe I had abandoned him.”

He moves a cushion from a bench and sits. “You love him.”

It isn’t a question. It’s more than a statement. There’s a hint of triumph in his voice.

“Yes. Without a doubt.”

Odin smiles. “Who else could turn something as warm and unstable as love into a cold, sharp weapon of power…”

I answer nothing. I go to the table and get more wine for myself.

“Why, Eileen? Why couldn’t you just convince Loki to wait out quietly on Earth?”

I fish a piece of something from my wine before answering, taking my time. “Allfather, if you had simply told me why it was so important to wait on Earth, instead of having me believe I would help avenge Loki, then I wouldn’t have been under the impression of being your puppet. And second… are you really asking this question? It’s Loki, me, and revenge. It’s simple.” I rest my back on the table, not wanting to sit. “You knew all along that open fighting could happen. You knew, and you still sent us there, perfectly aware that whatever terms you had with the mortals, and however strong their defences might be, Loki and I would escape, leaving a trail of destruction behind us.”

“I warned you to remember your mission as Sigyn. I had hoped you would understand.”

“Understanding wasn’t the problem. I simply refused to comply.”

He continues as if I had said nothing. “You didn’t understand that revenge didn’t matter, that it was only a pretext to lure both of you to Earth.”

“That the humans weren’t important at all. Why couldn’t you just tell me what was at stake? I might have decided to help, out of my own free will.”

“I was… I imagined that if I explained everything to you, you were going to try and confront the Fates.”

“Which I eventually did.”

“Which you eventually did.”

I put the glass down on the table and cross my arms on my chest. “You didn’t want me to have that power. Were you… Are you afraid of what I could do with it?”

“You would like me to be afraid, little Weaver. You’ve been trying to frighten me ever since you arrived here, even when you knew I could obliterate you in one second. Wits and guts…” I smile, remembering the first compliment he paid me. “But I wasn’t half as afraid of you than I was of the Norns. What you did in their cave was stealing a piece of thread directly from them. I don’t know if it ever happened before, but it stretched the fabric of this story so far, I don’t even know how it is still holding together. I felt the strain, even not knowing what was happening. Everyone did, all across the universes.”

“I resisted. I’m still resisting. Isn’t that what I was supposed to do? Resist the temptation of quiet, eternal sleep and become the exact contrary of the one I was when I arrived here. The goddess who didn’t want to live. I can’t walk out on you, now.” He looks at me, surprised. “Not after tasting what this power means. Not now that I really am the master of my story.” He doesn’t answer.

I look at my reflection again; I’m back to my normal appearance, a little dishevelled perhaps, eyes a little feverish, but nothing like the creature from earlier. There’s a question burning my lips.

“Do you ever regret forcing this story into existence, Allfather?”

“I don’t.”

“How many have you already lost to the Norns? How many stray threads were cut short because even you were not strong enough to keep them going?”

“More than you want to know. Some I mourned. Most I didn’t care about. And others I destroyed myself, ashamed at the sight of what I had created.”

 _I want to see all of those stories…_ and I know I can. With time and attention, with training, I will be able to isolate the threads and explore them.

“So it’s always you who creates the threads?”

“It is.”

“What about the ones who dream? Who write, who paint, who sing the stories?”

“Vessels. Means of transportation, of transmission. The stories have to be… woven.”

“But why make new ones? Is it only to defy the Fates? Why so many of them, so much pain for Thor, for Loki, for you? Why not simply… quit?”

“Do you think I have a choice? I tried to put an end to it. For many of your centuries, I refused to play my part. But this is how things are. The Norns control the destinies, and I am god of War and Poetry. Uncanny pairing, isn’t it? But this is what I do. I have gained freedom over the time. At first I would never have dared carry a stray thread such as this one to the end. They would interrupt it and I’d reach for a new one. How I hated it… Some of the strays I enjoyed. Snorri’s, for example.”

“Snorri is a stray?”

“Of course it is. So are the romantic poets, Wagner, the Marvel writers… even _American Gods_. Wherever my name is, or Loki’s or even the idea of us. Wherever my ravens fly.” He smiles.

“How do you know these people?” He arches an eyebrow and looks at me, amused. “But… I always thought… The elder Edda, maybe?” He shakes his head. “Then… Where is it? Which one is the original thread?”

“I have been looking for it for all those years, minutely dissecting the thousands of variations on the Norns’ cloth, in vain. And they refuse to tell me. Sometimes I think it doesn’t even exist, but it has to. It always manifests itself when the strays join and become one, without exception.” He sighs.

“Ragnarok?”

Odin nods wearily. “Sometimes I don’t have a wife, sometimes all of us are grey, with wide black eyes and strange voices, travelling through space. Sometimes Balder doesn’t die, or many events just don’t happen. But we always meet Ragnarok.”

“And it will happen here too.”

“Yes, of course it will. Strangely enough, this insane slaughter at the end of time is my prize. It means I have finished the story.”

“I wonder what sin you committed to earn such a punishment.”

“You do not what to know.”

“And what if I do want to know?”

He hesitates for a minute, in silence. I give him time to decide whether he wants to tell me or not. I’ll find out some day anyway, and I have time now. “I… I asked for too much,” he eventually whispers. “I wanted to See; I wanted to be powerful.” He smiles. “Doesn’t it remind you of someone? Anyway, I was granted what I wanted. With the consequences, the counterpart, as always in our lives. At first, I didn’t see what it meant, but I understood very soon. I can create as many stories as I want. I command, the world obeys. But they all have to end in the same disaster.”

“That puts a damper on creativity…”

“Not that much… With all my power, all my words, I always find my end with the others, watching yet another story die.”

The room seems too warm for the gloomy conversation we’re having. Without a word, I get up and pour the Allfather more wine.

“What’s the next part of this one?” I eventually ask. “What are you going to do to us?”

“The entire population of Asgard wants to see you dead.”

“We both know that you can’t afford that. Why mention it?”

“So you know that whatever decision I make, you will never be loved here.”

“I don’t care about being loved. I’ve won everything I needed.”

“Then what would you have me do, bringer of victory?”

“Tell them the truth. Tell everyone that despite our actions of Earth, despite the victims, you need us, you need me to keep the story going, to keep the Fates far from us.”

“The ones who resent me for taking on the Norns in the first place will never forget this. They think… they know it was too great a risk.”

“But now you have me.”

He looks at me and bursts out laughing. “Have you ever heard of a character trait called ‘humility’, little Weaver?”

“Humble? Me? Tell me, in what world would humility have helped me survive Loki, survive what _you_ put me through? I was told to become Sigyn, to accept that I was a goddess. I did so; I’m here now. I’m on your side.”

He’s still smiling. “My side?”

“As much as Loki’s wife can be.”

“You’re right, Weaver. The truth. The ugly truth that I need you, that I need Loki. That all the stories need Loki.” He rubs his hands on his face, looking exhausted. “I suppose it would be pointless to ask you to… hold him back?”

“Why hold him back? You’ve said it, all the stories need Loki, he’s the necessary evil. And I stayed here for him, not for you. Never forget this. I will help you. I will be careful, I will never let him out of my sight, for the sake of the story. But first and foremost, I’m with Loki. I’d rather be a villain at his side than…” _What else would I want to be?_

“Than?”

“Than nothing. I’d rather be the villain at Loki’s side, period. That’s what I am. Through all the suffering and all the crimes, all the way to and during his eternal agony.” I stand up straight. “You win, Allfather. I am who you wanted me to be.”

He gets up too. “You will have to tell him. About everything.”

“I know. You deal with Asgard; I’ll deal with Loki.”

“I can’t say I envy you,” he teases. “We have a lot of work, Fourth Weaver. I suggest we start on it.”

 

The crowd had followed us to the Palace and is massed there, waiting. When the Allfather announces that neither Loki nor his wife are to be arrested or even insulted, I start cutting through the incredulous citizens, towards the edge of the Bridge where Loki is still standing with Thor. The blonde Thunderer retreats when he sees me approach and I come to stand next to Loki who is staring down into the endless sky.

“It’s done,” I tell him. “We’re free.”

“What did you promise?”

I smile. “Nothing, Loki. It wasn’t a negotiation to begin with. Your father needs me, needs us. My terms were met from the very beginning. There will be no retaliation to anything you do as long as I help him. Which I planned on doing anyway.”

“Help him do what?”

“Be an obstinate, power-thirsty god.”

He turns to me with a smirk. “That’s something you can do.”

“And now, everyone knows that we’re powerful enough, that we can’t be touched. He’s telling them right now.”

“Telling them?”

“That I am probably one of the most dangerous creature in the Nine Realms. And that I’m with you.” His smile disappears. “I knew you wouldn’t like it, but that’s the way it is. I did this for you. I got my powers from the Fates themselves, Loki. I can see the stories, the fabric of things. I can destroy what I want.” I reach for his arm. “Don’t be jealous.”

“Why would I be jealous? You are mine.” He takes my hand and kisses it.

“We will have to talk about a great many things. But not now. Now I want you to enjoy the fear in people’s eyes.”

He says nothing and looks down again, losing his gaze into the darkness.

“Is it a long fall?”

  “Yes,” he answers. “Yes it is. You would hate it, it’s cold.”

  I peer over the edge of the Rainbow Bridge, give a sharp look to the left and whirl around, throwing myself off balance on purpose. Loki seethes in surprise and I laugh. His arm darts out and catches me back, almost scooping me up, and the next instant he’s crushing my body against his.

  I laugh some more in his shoulder. “You just broke a couple of my ribs.”

  “What did you do that for?” he says through clenched teeth, releasing me but keeping a hand over my arm.

  “I wanted to be sure about something. I wanted to be certain that however unexpected the move, however unprepared you are, you would never let me go.”

  “Do not. Do that. Again. Ever.” His breath catches. “I swear it on my dreams of power, Eileen. I will never let go of you.”

  “That’s all I wanted to know. Shall we walk back?”

  “We shall.”

  His arm still around me, we start advancing towards the rest of the people and the palace. “You do know that I’ve just promised that we’d help take down the deities of Fate. And this entails being hated and despised throughout all the stories. So many are against your Father because of this, and so many dislike us because… because we are hardly likeable.”

  “Who in the Nine Realms cares? We’re Loki and Sigyn. We do what we want. We’re proud of what we are.” His arm leaves my back. “Hold your head high and pretend you’re going to step on them. All of them.”

“Do you want to be hated and despised?” He doesn’t answer. “It seems that you do.”

  He leans in to whisper in my ear, “I’m the Liesmith, darling.”

  I chuckle, understanding that now is not the moment for this conversation. We have almost all of eternity for it, after all. “Darling?”

  “That didn’t sound as good as I thought it would.”

  “No, it didn’t.” We’re getting nearer and people are squinting to see our faces.

  “I will not do it again.”

  “Please don’t.” I feel elated, freed from fear. I don’t know what is going to happen, and I don’t care. “Maybe doing that walk in haughty silence would have been more… dignified.”

  “We will stop talking when we get near enough for them to hear.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  “Of course it does. It’s my idea.”

  I shake my head. “And in any case I know how to shut you up.”

  “Do you? I’m curious.”

  “I love you.” There’s silence.

  “I love you, Eileen.”

  Did that just happen? I jerk my chin up and my smile widens. I look at all the people there, at our feet. If I wasn’t already walking on stars…

  “That’s what I meant by ‘pretend you’re going to step on them,’ my weaver. Silence, now.”

  The crowd parts to let us through. I feel powerful, beautiful, and feared. Loki’s hand lands on my shoulder, something glows, and ceremonial attire appears on both of us, green and gold and stately. The crowd gasps, and some people bow their heads as we walk, never once looking at their faces.

And I had thought I was done with power.

 

 

 

 

 

THE END


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